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Women Are Giving Away the Milk and Honey
About five years ago, my then girlfriend and I began talking about having a child. I could have said no because we were not financially stable. I could have said no because, at the time, our relationship was not in a healthy place. I even could have said no because I hadn't really wrapped my mind around the whole idea of being a mother to a child of my own. But what made me initially say no was the idea that if she wanted me to have a baby that we were going to raise as a family she was going to marry me. It didn't matter to me that it wasn't legally recognized in the state in which we resided. What mattered was that she understood that I wasn't the kind of woman who was going to be fooled into producing babies with a man for my lesbian lover and I to raise together only to have her up and leave when she pleased leaving me stuck. Why can’t more lesbians and straight women, for that matter, get the cliché, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.”
Best Advice Ever!
This blog started with me talking to my friend about her current relationship. She has been dating this man for less than a year, and they have moved in together. When she said that she was traveling with his young daughter, and I jokingly said that she was playing mommy for the day, she corrected me and said that she is a mother everyday all day. Since she has no children of her own, I assumed she was referring to mothering his three children by three different women. At some point in the conversation, she mentioned that she was on her menstrual cycle and commented about how relieved she was that it came. That’s right. She could have possibly been pregnant. When I asked her when they were going to get married, she said his mother and her mother have been asking the same thing. She acted as if everyone else was strange for making the suggestion since they haven’t even been together for a year. She is giving him until February 2013 to pop the question. Let’s get this right. You can move in with him, have unprotected sex with him, and develop relationships with his children but insisting on marriage before a year is silly. Now if she was one of those modern women who didn't want marriage then this would all sound reasonable. But it sounds to me like she is selling herself short.
Change a few details and you have yourself, or perhaps your friends, or maybe just some woman you know who has given her all to a man or woman whose mother and/or children will get everything they own if they should die today or tomorrow. You let him move in your home without getting an understanding of who is paying the bills, because ‘you don’t need no man to do nothing for you’. You signed your name on his car because his credit was bad and now yours is about to be too. You cook his meals, do his laundry, deal with his baby mama, and try your best to bond with his children. You give him a child or two or three. Speaking of three, all in hopes of marriage someday, you have even given him that threesome.
How many ways does this need to be said? Steve Harvey tried to give you the age old message with a new school twist, ‘Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man”. Though he sold millions, the state of the woman has not seemed to improve one iota. Now more than ever, not only are men and women getting the milk but all the honey too. Learn your worth and stop settling. The truth is if you are in a relationship with someone who doesn't share your goals or your intentions; you are just as lonely inside the relationship as you will be outside of it.
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