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Women and Sex | After Kids
© Copyright 2011 Tracy Lynn Conway with all rights reserved.
My friend Ali was a few years older than me. Both of our kids attended the same nursery school, I would see Ali every day at drop off and pick up. She loved to talk and one of her favorite topics was cooking. She bragged about a cookbook called the Moosehead cook book so I bought the book but it was one of those books that required odd ingredients; ingredients that I didn’t recognize or care to hunt down. The book is still sitting on my cookbook shelf the spine hardly cracked. I find it hard to part with books.
Her other favorite topic was relationships and sex. She is the first person to share with me how amazing sex is when you are past having kids. At the time I had two kids and was pregnant with my third. Ali’s third child was now a one year old and she was sure she wasn’t having more so she had a tubal ligation. As Ali put it, “the best sex begins now.”
I was shocked at first since she was talking about sex. I don’t find most woman want to open up on the topic and secondly the idea that sex could be more or less fun was a new concept for me. Since I was pregnant I had to wait and see. I had a hunch that she was right though.
There are very logical reasons why women can’t completely enjoy sex until the possibility or desire to get pregnant has passed. Before being married the greatest concern is an unplanned pregnancy, there is no 100% effective contraception. Women in their 20’s are focused on education, career and choosing the right person to share their life with; a pregnancy at this time would cause the timeline to change.
Even after a woman is married she might not be ready to have children. She might want to enjoy the experience of being married before having kids so the concern about having an unwanted pregnancy is still there. After having a child and between subsequent children, a women might not be sure about how many children she wants to have so the act of sex carries this concern. Even in the case where a woman is trying or having trouble getting pregnant, the pleasure of sex plays secondary to the concern with procreation. A woman cannot entirely relax and succumb to the complete pleasure that sex can provide.
Even when the couple decides to have no more kids and obtains a permanent method of contraception, the parents are still likely both tired from the demands of work and raising the kids.
Finally, when the decision is made that there will be no more adorable additions to the family, the kids are sleeping through the night and are more independent, this is when the magic moments happen. This is when sex can become a completely fulfilling experience and no longer one of concern. This is the fun that Ali was talking about. It is a long journey to get there but well worth the wait.
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