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Women over 40 having babies - The baby's side of life

Updated on October 24, 2010

Pregnant women over the age of 40

The new trend Women over 40 having babies
The new trend Women over 40 having babies

The baby's side of life and what to expect

The women today are marrying older the average woman saying "I do" is over 30 to 35 years of age. Women then start to worry and hear their biological clock ticking realizing they are approaching 40.

They often get a mixed reaction "what do you want a baby for at your time in life?" and "you should be settling down and enjoying life."

I am the result of the older generation of parents My Mum had me when she was 41 years old My Dad was 48 years old. My older sister was 17 when I was born. I became an Auntie at 3. Everyone thought my nephew was my brother, my sister was my mum and that my mum and dad were in fact my grandma and grandad

When I was growing up At friends parties when the parents used to collect the kids, people would shout "Your Gran is here to pick you up!" I used to slump out in a mood.

My parents were always tired and couldn't play, there was no way my dad could kick a football around with me unless slipping a disc.

I couldn't chat to my Mum about puberty and boys it was the unsaid rule of the house. generations change, now a days children and parents talk about everything, sex,drugs,pregnancy,boyfriends to prepare the teenager or child for life and changes that happen. When I was growing up it was "yes sir, no sir three bags full"

Unless you are willing to sit with a growing child tell the truth and support them through the ever changing world and the problems it throws at youth today, then re think.

You have as a baby the sleepless nights again, bottles and changing dirty nappies at 4am or every couple of hours. As a Child you have the school runs to do the butty box the parents evening, school plays activities, clubs, swimming, horse riding, scouts or brownies. they don't come cheap and you can't do what you want to do, like maybe relax after dinner put your feet up with your partner have a glass of wine. You find yourself ironing uniforms late at night doing butty boxes, checking homework and signing reading books.

There have the 6 week holidays where you need to take them to Disneyland for a month to keep them quiet. You're parents won't be able to help you as much as they could say if you were in your twenties or early thirties.

You have to sacrifice everything you want to do, savings you've worked hard for. Relaxation time is gone the only time you will have to recharge you're batteries is when you are sleeping, unfortunately you may not be getting a lot of that.

Famous women are having babies over 40 and even adopting, they have young nannies to run around and play with their children to entertain them 24/7 and of course they have the financial resources. The biggest thing in their world is who lost the baby weight the quickest!

Congratulations if you are the mentioned mother to be, but please take the world by storm and don't be one of those mothers sat with their feet up reading a women's magazine telling their child to go and play because mummy's busy.

It is a huge responsibility deciding to have a child at all, you have to be double responsible to make sure you don't put a child through silent parenting because of the age gap. Be fantastic, adventurous, play in the same pop up tent that incidentally you can never get back in the box.

Be the first one to skip down the isle at the supermarket. Babies and children are not the latest fashion accessory. Nor is it a way to show people what you're body can still do.

I missed the best parts of my parents my dad now is almost 80 i have just turned 30 my eldest daughter is lucky enough to have got to know him weekend after weekend. My youngest unfortunately won't have all the time in the world with Pappa it's heartbreaking...

Think about every aspect you're age and circumstances will have on a baby through the years. Will you be able to do the 4 hour girly shopping trips, deal with the teenage tearaway years. Or even afford the education to give the child a good start in their life.

The question you have to ask is "what about the baby? are they healthy?"

The probabilities of conceiving into your 40's are high and are usually done with some sort of IVF treatment or other fertility plans, but the risk of conceiving a baby with chromosomal problems to begin with goes up each year you get older.

  • 1 in 789 risk of having a baby born with Down Syndrome at age 30
  • 1 in 302 at age 35 years old
  • a dramatic 1 in 82 at the age of 40
  • During pregnancy older mothers are offered genetic councelling to understand all the risks and to help you decide if you wish to go ahead with testing to screen for chromosomal problems,defects.

  • ┬áThe pregnancy is of even greater risk of developing complications such as gestational diabetes,pre-eclampsa and placental abruption plus many more things. Research now shows that chances of having a low birth weight baby under 5 pounds or a premature delivery increase greatly with age.

People say life is for living and living in the hear and now, after speaking to 5 women in their 40's 3 of them would rather work twice as hard to retire early and enjoy grandchildren. 1 changed her mind about having a last baby just by thinking about the morning sickness and lack of sleep.

The last woman worries me, Mrs E is currently divorced after being married for 25 years lives on her own has 1 son living in Australia has 2 grandchildren and is 43 years old.

She has decided to go ahead with artificial insemination she is broody and has been for 10 years she confides, Mrs E see's this as her last chance and a way of keeping her youthful. She is going ahead with the proceedure I wish her well I truly do,but am afraid she is doing this for all the wrong reasons. Good luck Mrs E but please re think what you can offer the child 15 years down the line when approaching 60....

What do you think?

Is Mrs E doing the right thing by having a baby under her circumstances

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    • profile image


      3 years ago

      If we are talking about old school, kindergarden times then any and all of the Clifford the Big Red Dog books (partially because I always wanted a dog and parents never let me). If we are going by elementary status then Where the Red Fern Grows (again partially because of my love of dogs. If we are talking middle school then the Ender's Game series, mainly for is philosophical innuendos. Good question. April 01, 2011

    • profile image


      3 years ago

      Daddy and I: An Evening At the Lake demonstrates the imanrtpoce of spending quality time with your child. As a parent, I appreciate the use of familiar, recognizable locations for the setting. And, I love that my 7 year old daughter was able to read the text independently. As an early childhood educator, I would definitely recommend Daddy and I: An evening At the Lake to anyone who is interested in being a positive role model to a child.

    • profile image

      5 years ago

      There's no cause and effect relationship in life. Parents die, children die too and you don't know what's gonna come first. Also, children sometimes face fertility issues and you never get to see grandkids. There's no guarantees in life but it seems that raising kids has kept you in your own little universe. Maturity comes with experience not age. I have a friend who had her first at 22 yrs and now she has bitterly regretted it.

    • Hazel B profile imageAUTHOR


      5 years ago from Stockport, Cheshire. U.K

      Please note that the above comments.... and don't hold back ladies are comments regarding themselves and what they want to do, You can foster and adopt a child at any age... Teen parents may have children with birth defects, so can unfortunatly any pregnancy, but I would appreciate a note back where this lady received her numbers... Ever heard the expression - Gosh isn't she sooo quick from the proud Grandparents. The angry lady- Get a real life commented a lot about myself confirming my theory I had a lot of love, yet found teenage years etc hard talking about usual things but now I am 34 have my 2 daughters and my 82 year old father my eldest is 12 now youngest almost 4... and my children seem to be taken under the wing of people with large families which is what they love, My mum could still be here and my dad struggling for each breath he takes, loves us so much it is unconditional which is mentioned in each comment left. If each woman could get past the troublesome teenage years and age which every parent has..... if they stop their rant and jump up and down and think further and further and further down the road maybe someone somewhere may understand and see past the end of their noses and please stop ranting on what you want. The Original article was a prospective of the title of the article, and not a personal insult to each woman past 35. It is more aimed at women going into their 40's if this is you then please get off you're high horse if needs be, hang on here is the moral of the article.....don't think about yourself just because you want a baby get pen and paper out and revert to when the child is 18 I will be... When the child is 30-35 may need guidance in life how old will I be. Can I run and play with Grandchildren.... The childs side of having older parents.

      Anymore comments from mad women wanting to vent their anger I certainly do not mind, maybe to some I have hit a sore point to others they may actually think about things If the next child would be you're 4th 5th or 6th then wicked that's a fine family support unit. For you're first.... Now all bashings for that comment will be answered sooner.

      To Amy who read the article and comments I sincerely apologize .

      Sorry Amy - Hazel B xxx.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Some of these comments are so negative its a really horrile forum to come on.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Thank goodness evolution is NOT dependent on the views of the writer of this article or else women would miss out on the most precious love in the world simply because they were too old! Anyone concerned about a child being 15 when their parent is 60 is, in a word, SHALLOW and devoid of any compassion. BTW, get your facts straight. Teen parents are more likely to produce children with birth defects than older parents.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Yes, I have to say I don't believe just because parents are older, their children will have difficulty confiding in them or not feel able to discuss problems - I think that is nonsense! It is a fact of life that many young adults with young or older parents, do not always want to confide in their parents for fear of causing them worry. It is good to hear of an adult childs perspective on having older parents and if that helps to raise awareness or make somebody contemplating later parenthood think a little deeper, then fair and good, but I am sure there are also some positive stories out there. Ultimately, it is the choice of the individual, I for one am contemplating having another child later in life and I can assure you, it has been and is the most difficult decision to make and one that certainly would not be taken lightly!

      Would love to hear of the experience of other older parents and grown up children of older parents.

    • profile image


      7 years ago


      I could barely read your posts after reading the initial one. Firstly, yours' is not an "article"; it is a whining rant based on your own personal experiences in life (which, by the way, sound extremely limited). Your rant sounds like you have a lot of resentment that you didn't have the relationship you wanted with your mother. You have a lot of personal issues and I would suggest you get some professional counseling and help regarding your issues which I don't think have to do with the age that you had your kids or the age that your mom had you. Your post is very negative and the reason you have had negative feedback may be an indication that your problems are with you, perhaps the way that you were raised period (many cool older parents and grandparents CAN talk to their kids! - don't know what world you live in). The post that claims that it was you who missed out on living live having your child at 21 could be quite true in your case. However, had you not had a child at 21, it sounds like you are so sheltered and ignorant that you likely wouldn't have had much fun in those formative years when most women of developed countries would like to experience life, love, loss, education, career, etc. BEFORE popping out a baby! Sound like it is you that has the issues, not the waste of writing space and dragging on and on to people that might want to suffer through your posts!!

    • Hazel B profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Stockport, Cheshire. U.K

      I am not judging women, just trying to get my point acrsoss. It still seems that people are not getting the article just attacking it. I still feel very strongly about women being mums at 40 and over, until you are that child and have experienced the and attitude of a "different generation" and cannot sit down with your mum and pour ur heart out simply because the reaction and advice you know in ur heart is of no use. I am having reactions like "I WANT I WANT A BABY!!" and how dare you judge, people judge themselves in circumstances of great importance to which they must face concequences, Each article and comment seem to present circumstances of somebody they know...the article is that of the child's side what happens to them. It is sommthing I am dealing with to this day. I no longer have my backbone my sister. It is me and both my 80yr old parents. I am trying to shield my 10 yr old from 1 day losing her pappa and from the behaviour they have taken up, forgetfullness, swearing at the news both knowing I dnt want her to see the pappa and nan-nan still grieving 2 years later for the daughter who reached her goals. The pappa n nan nan who played football, baked cakes, played in the sink with pots and pans. 1 day I'm heading for the prospect of dealing with no mum or dad I'm jealous of the childhood my sister had my mum had her when she was 21 the energy and the rest of the family cousins etc all the same age so grew up together. I sit in a room where my cousins kids have more in common with me than my actual cousins do,

      To me that is very sad and an article which people would stop putting ther selfish needs first,please think about the cute newborn on camera, camcorder,and the big fuss of people watching the baby crawl,stand up, and camcorder the first steps.Fast forward to their 1st car, college, if lucky their univerity placement. Or their 1st black eye from the boy they love they aint gunna tell you about the drugs, the unusual sex things, pregnancy, things that go on behind closed doors ....YOU'RE TOO LATE!! but you wanted the baby who has the love of the universe. HE/SHE needed to sit down with. But the "Wrong generation" can be a good thing parental skills are different. It's when you are pining for relatives you love but lost.

    • Hazel B profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Stockport, Cheshire. U.K

      Hi Margaret,

      Can you imagine that grandmother sat on the bed talking to the child at 16 about drugs or a child telling the grandmother she is pregnant her boyfriend smokes drugs and she is scared of him....say that girl is 14...

      The world changes daily for these kids when they get teens and your in your early to middle 50's do you think that child and mates are going to come to you and tell you everything that's going on in their life. They will prob shut themselves away in their room and remerge at 18 maybe that's normal behaviour I think it's awful for a child to go thru life with sum1 they can't connnect to.

      Good Luck the idea of the article was not to attack people going to do it. But to try to get across how difficult and lonely it is.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      I'm 37 and was thinking of having another baby due to re-married. There is a lot of grandparents today rising their grandchildren because young mom can't do it. So what's the different? The only different to me this is their child and not their grandchildren their rising.

    • Hazel B profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Stockport, Cheshire. U.K

      Hi there,

      Anybody could get killed in a car crash, hit by a bus ya da ya da ya da. The point was A woman or man could give a child so much love in the world. But maybe I am an isolated case and I hope I am. My sibling died last september since writing this article,my big sister whoem was in her middle(ish)40's I asked her would she have more children. Her immediate reaction was no, she replies you tend to panic late 30's about having more children. But she worked what hours she wanted. Had an active social life with her clan of girls be it bottles of wine in, or a group going to the gym, sauna etc she had her independance. The second her son needed her she was there like a rocket. Usually to borrow money (So Save) I'm left with my parents in their 80's and I constantly worry about them, my eldest is 10 and youngest 18 months since first writing the article it makes me feel stronger about what I've written. When you're in your 40's in the middle of a works christmas do, what! you have go home because of the baby. When I'm 40 I've been there done that and if I'm a granny I get to hand the grandchild back (hopefully not for a long time mid twenties)This article is not to tell people when to have babies just to express the haunting memories of the menopause and going through it with my mum,It's scarred me for life. My eldest is going to see her immediate family go 1 by 1. Her Auntie has gone unexpented 5 yrs down the line will be 1 grandparent at a time. Then my girls have parents. Like I said anybody could get hit by a bus.

      I WOULD OF LOVED it if I had what my sister had, my mum had my sister at, 21 she was the eldest of 10 grandchildren I was the youngest so I never got to be in a huge family like that, but the point is it's hard and some kids just don't do it an chat to my mum or dad about puberty, or how to act around boys, periods, ear piercing, natures questions about sex, I was brought up it was a bad word and a naughty word not to say. Things would of changed in 10 years time by now if anyone has a baby now, meaning a 45 yr old mum will be 55 and won't understand things like maybe they do today kids are carrying knives...and it can drive a wedge between mother and daughter especially if there is love there, but love sometimes isn't enough "ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS". I choose to have children young and pick up at Uni later. I felt lonely growing up but that's just me. I had cousins the youngest 25 that I saw at weddings etc. I'm trying to explain to people please don't have children for selfish reasons. Think what that child will need 10 15 years down the line. In my eyes I felt I had to get married quickly for my dad to walk me down the aisle. 12 months after he did he was in a wheelchair. You don't plan your life it's already planned out for you. 90% of doctors say after the age of 35 and every year following it grows harder and harder for a woman to conceive.

      Please think ahead say at their 21st your in your 60's and your 70's for their 30th birthday.How old will you be when they get married? How old will you be when you become a grandparent? how old will you be at your grandchild's christening? When you look over to your son-in-laws parents their in their 40's and it's their house that looks like a nursery because they can't ask you to babysit Like your comment kids will get teased about anything. If your older parents it's a different generation for you to understand.I'm still young and enjoying my girls no end, girly videos facepack nights. I'm only young For me the fun starts now... especially with my 2 little clones. When they hit Comp school I'll be able to get back into the role I left to have them.

      I'm lucky I'm not missing anything, apart from my Sister... People do things somethimes because they see something that somebody else has.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Hi Hazel

      Well, if Julie adopts a child then, wouln't that child experience the same loss when Julie "ages" one day? I know a bunch of people who had young parents but lost them at a young age for whatever reasons. My dad dies at 39 and I was 7 years old- I never knew him well and my kids won't either.On the other hand my mom had me at age 28 but had a stroke at 56 and I was only 28 years old. Since then I had to quit my job and make sacrifices to take care of her!

      My point is, if we live our lives worrying about age then we would not live at all. Peaople fall apart and die at any age. Life has no guarantees. Julie should live her life the way that suits her. Children tease each other about everything: "Your parents are fat", "Your parents are old", "Your mom is so young, I could date her", "Your parents are so rich, are they doing something illegal", and so on.Kids will tease each other about everything and anything- not just parent's AGE!

      You had a kid at 21, you missed out on LIFE darling. Your twenties are supposed to be full of travel and single life experience before you settle down. BUT NO ONE IS COMMENTING ON THAT HA!

    • profile image

      Hazel B 

      9 years ago

      Hi Julie,

      Reverting back to you're comment "Your as young as YOU feel and if you love a child enough that's all the child would need." that comment is lovely, it seems in today's world a lot of children and babies are going without this special ingredient to a happy life. The fact of the matter is the problems that arise when women do have children over 40. Today in the news doctors are saying down syndrome has risen by 25% they put this down to women having babies at an older age. A child being newborn upto 8 and 9 fine no problems apart from your nackered and the child has already had comments made to them "why is your mum so old?" they are kids they don't know what they are saying.From 9 years upwards you have your views of the world and what is happening, unfortunatly they have another 9 and 10 year olds now feel isolated and are teased if they haven't ben asked out by a boy. Maybe all that happens that they hold hands in the playground and sit next to each other at lunch.

      The teenager part is extremly hard for any child and have more in common and find it easier to talk to parents that aare younger.For instance I started my periods at 11 years old. My mum and dad founs out when I was 13. I'm now 30 years old and my Dad is 80 this year. My eldest daughter has turned 9 today and is fearful of loosing her beloved Grandad. Kids think of these things, I wouldn't change my parents for as you say "All the love in the world" but I haven't been able to tell them or ask for help for well over half of things that have happened in my life. Drugs,smoking,boys,periods,pregnancy,sex,.. I wish my children had younger grandparents my sister is 47 and has 2 great grandson's she takes them everywhere. I wouldn't change my family. But they don't know me at all. Luckily I have 3 friends with older parents too, so we are all in the same boat so stuck together. My friend lost her Mum and Dad in the space of 18 months before her 30th birthday she's on her own now.... I'm urging to think about the child you do bring into the world. FOr your reasons fantastic but in a cruel world love just isn't enough. You have to think about the future how old will you be when your child is 18, 21 how old will their grandparents be? Unfortunatly 2 months ago I lost my only sibling to cancer, now I am an only child. We were going to emmigrate to America and we can't now due to my parents being elderly I have to stay close to them to help with shopping etc.

      My life is on hold because I have to watch out for them now, my kids can't have the freedom and better quality of life, maybe 1 day but to the consequences of losing my mum and dad. All the love in the world I my husband and 2 girls havae from them, but please don't bring children into the world for your own selfishness of just wanting a child. Be responsible and think of all the above and more please. There are other ways, there are millions and millions of children already out there that have no parents and long every single day and night for the type of love you are talking about. Thank you Julie for leaving your comment.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      I can't believe anyone would judge someone and say that they won't have anything to offer when their child is 15 and they are 60... you're only as young as you feel and if you love a child enough, that's all it needs to live well in this life. I'm 40 and only now, have the opportunity to have a child.. I will go ahead if my body lets me. I have been waiting my whole life to meet someone who made me happy and wanted to have a baby with me.... why should I be judged?


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