Bovina Sancta! *
You ladies have always misunderstood us men and we have been repeatedly and unfairly maligned through the centuries. The injustice of it all is choking the breath and the very life out of us and we must protest. It really is not fair and it has to stop!
How dare you accuse us of staring at your breasts instead of your eyes or anywhere else and of treating you as an object, instead of a human being? Have you no feeling, no respect for our emotions? This story has gone far enough and enough, in this case, is enough. We refute your unjust and unfair accusations and we shall now proceed to prove our innocence.
Cogitationis poenam nemo patitur **
Unlike you women, we men do not like to make unsubstantiated or frivolous claims and we always base our positions on solid facts and foundations. I shall therefore commence this paper by supporting our position with facts, so if a picture is worth a thousand words, I ask you to look at the volumes spoken by the photographs on the right.
These are bridges which almost defy the laws of nature, by spanning distances which our forefathers would have thought impossible and in fact would not even have dared to dream of one hundred years ago.
Kindly note that they are all, without exception, mind you, shaped like beautiful and luscious women's breasts.
Amicule, deliciae, num is sum qui mentiar tibi?***
When we men look at women’s breasts, our thoughts are pure. We think of history (how the bra developed through the centuries) and science (how does the damn thing actually manage to keep all that weight horizontal).
It is, therefore, no accident that bridge designers are all men. And the simple fact of the matter is that our engineering successes are all due to our wholesome and unsullied thought processes.
It is also no accident that all the particularly difficult bridges with exceptionally long spans are shaped like women's breasts, either actual or reversed and the result of these great designs are derived from our observations of your breasts.
THAT is the real truth of our motives in looking at your breasts ladies. Our interest is, was and always has been, simply and purely scientific, with every moment, every glance, having as its sole reason and intent, our thirst for knowledge and the desire to work out all related design theories as well as the practical solutions to all relevant problems.
So hopefully from now on, whenever you see a bridge, you shall be reminded of the unfairness of your evil suspicions to date, to the effect that every time you caught us looking at your breasts, you thought that our minds were on the base physical. NO! Our minds were on the engineering challenges.
Facta, non verba****
We look, we observe, we wonder, we calculate, we strategise, we plan and we conceive.
Well, if we are successful in our strategies YOU conceive, but we shall not get bogged down with insignificant details.
Da mihi castitatem et continentiam, sed noli modo! *****
So, next time you see us ogling your breasts, be charitable. Close your eyes if need be and think of the good of humanity, think of our conquest of space and the first man landing on the moon and be PROUD,
Yes, Ladies, be proud because man’s achievements are due to those wonderful, luscious, babies you casually and almost carelessly, nay sometimes almost sacrilegiously, carry around with you with such lack of respect and realisation. I have to stop now because I think my wife is calling me from the bedroom….
* .......... Bovina Sancta! - Holy cow!
** ......... Cogitationis poenam nemo patitur - Nobody should be punished for his thoughts
*** ........ Amicule, deliciae, num is sum qui mentiar tibi? - Baby, sweetheart, would I lie to you?
**** .......Facta, non verba - Deeds, not words.
***** ...... Da mihi castitatem et continentiam, sed noli modo! - Make me chaste and pure, but not yet!
______ Dimitris Mita
De Greek __________________________________
My thanks to: