- Gender and Relationships
Words of Wisdom for Daughters: How to Abstain from Making Love When You Are Not Married
Words of Wisdom for Daughters
Do you know that making love before marriage can cause you serious emotional problems? According to the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, girls who sleep with guys at a young age are likely to suffer from depression.
Making love before marriage has other disadvantages too. If you ignore words of wisdom for daughters from your parents and religious leaders and choose to sleep with a guy you are not married to, there is always the possibility that you may choose not to marry the guy you are sleeping with, or the guy may break up with you.
When that happens, you may feel that you have given a part of yourself to the guy you slept with and that can give you emotional heartache—according to a study published in the Journal of Sociology, girls are likely to experience depression if they sleep with a guy in a relationship and that relationship breaks up later.
So, if you want to avoid experiencing some of these problems, the best thing to do is to abstain from making love to a guy you are not married to. How can you do that?
Avoid Situations Where You Might Be Tempted To Compromise
It is only natural that you will have romantic feelings for some guys, which will cause you to be attracted to them. But try to avoid situations in which you will find yourself alone with guys.
If you meet a guy who wants to have lovemaking with you, just explain to him that you think making love before marriage is a sin and so you are keeping yourself for your future husband. Make sure the guy understands this by saying it clearly in no ambiguous terms. Explain to him that you are very happy to be a virgin and that you want things to remain this way. Then, find an excuse to leave the guy, and try to avoid him or do not make him corner you ever again.
Additionally, have an escape plan for a guy who wants to sleep with you and so pesters you frequently. Decide exactly what you will do anytime you meet him so that you can avoid staying around him for long periods. For example, you may decide to make a phone call to a friend or relative anytime you see him or you may choose to go out with a friend or brother when you know that you are going to a place where it is likely you will meet the guy.
Sometimes thoughts of making love trouble us when we are alone or when we are quiet. And when these thoughts get a hold in our minds, they make us desire to sleep with someone, which increases the chances that we will try to satisfy that desire.
Therefore, try to spend your leisure time talking to other people or having fun with other people. However, avoid friends who always talk about lovemaking because when they start talking about lovemaking, you might be tempted to listen and even join so that it will not look as though you are different.
Rather, choose to spend time with friends with whom you can discuss self-development and other topics that will help you to improve your life.
Additionally, learn about topics such as prosperity, starting your own business, how you can become successful in life, and such related topics so that you can distract yourself from thinking about lovemaking often, and so that you can inspire yourself to aim high in life.
Learn To Resist Temptation
You may feel like giving in and allowing your boyfriend, for example, to have sex with you sometimes. However, you must try your best to resist the temptation to throw away your values.
How can you do that?
- Remind yourself that your desire is entirely normal. Then say something such as, “But I choose to remain a virgin until I marry.” This will help to build up thoughts of resistance in you so that you will find it easier to control yourself.
- View the temptation of your boyfriend as an opportunity to make you prove your faithfulness to your values, and to God. See it as a chance to show to God and yourself that you are really a daughter of God. So, when you feel like giving in to your boyfriend’s advances, say something such as this to yourself, “This is my chance to prove my love for God! I won’t give in! I will remain a virgin!” That will give you inner strength which will help you to control yourself.
- Use the defense of self- respect. When the desire is so strong, say to yourself, “I am a decent girl (woman). I want to remain decent. I will maintain my dignity! I will maintain my good reputation! I will not destroy my good name by giving in! NO!”
- Think about God’s love for you, and your love for Him. Think about how He will be hurt when you commit fornication.
- Pray to Jesus to help you to resist the temptation just as He resisted temptation when Satan tempted Him in the wilderness.
Practice Jesus’ Presence
When Jesus was leaving Earth, He promised us that He would be with us until the end of time. Though you do not see Him physically with you all the time, He is with you spiritually. When you remind yourself of this often, and when you practice awareness of Jesus’ presence, it will make you cautious in the way you behave when you are alone with a guy.
So, when you face temptation, remind yourself that Jesus is there with you. Start saying to yourself, “Jesus is here with me! I will not fail Him! He has warned me that if I sin and I die in my sins, I will go to hell. Having sex before marriage is a sin! Jesus, I know you are here with me. I feel weak! I feel like betraying You! Please save me!”
Practice Self-Control Every Day
There are exercises you can do to help you build your capacity to control yourself when you find yourself in trying situations. One of them is to do the exact opposite of what you normally do.
When you make changes to your routine, you are building your capacity to control yourself. Moreover, when you succeed in making minor changes to your routine, you develop your ability to endure discomfort. Subsequently, you will find it easier to resist your feelings and bring them to subjection to your will. In other words, making changes to your routine will teach you self-discipline, which will make it easier for you to say “NO!” when you feel like making love.
- So, for example, if you normally apply lipstick to your upper lip first before you apply it to your lower lip, start applying the lipstick to your lower lip first before applying it to your upper lip.
- Start opening the door of your room with your non-dominant hand and continue doing this for about three months.
- Take a different route to work.
- Eat some of the foods you do not enjoy eating.
- Watch a sport you do not normally enjoy watching.
Remind Yourself Of The Consequences Of Fornication Often
Read 1 Corinthians 10 v 8 of the Bible, where God killed 23,000 people in Bible times because they engaged in fornication, often. Meditate on the story so that the implications of committing fornication, which is that God will discipline you, sometimes very severely, will become imprinted on your mind.
Furthermore, remind yourself of the curses you may bring upon yourself enumerated in Deuteronomy 28 v 15—68.
Doing this often will warn you of how God views fornication and that will help you to check yourself so that you will not sleep with someone you are not married to in order that you may not incur the wrath of God.
Remind Yourself Of The Benefits Of Staying Chaste, Often
Give yourself a motivation to continue resisting advances of guys by reminding yourself every day of the rewards you will gain if you stay a virgin till you marry.
- Remind yourself that you are more likely to have a better marriage. A study has shown that couples who wait till they marry before they have sex have better marriages.
- Remind yourself often that you have God’s approval, you have peace of mind, you do not suffer from any sexually transmitted infections, you do not have any out-of-wedlock pregnancy, and you are maintaining your self-respect.
- Remind yourself that you are a candidate for God’s blessings enumerated in Deuteronomy 28.
- Read the stories of Esther and Mary, the mother of Jesus, and let it remind you that great blessings come to women who choose to wait till they marry before they make love.
Take Things One Day At A Time
Your goal may seem overwhelming at times, which may cause you to become discouraged, especially when your friends tell you about all the “wonderful” lovemaking encounters they have with their boyfriends. However, maintain your resolve and learn to take life one day at a time so that you can maintain your willpower.
Draw Closer To An Older, Experienced Woman
Draw closer to an older woman who is married and who you feel can be a true companion, a woman who will listen to you patiently and empathetically when you tell her about your vision to stay a virgin until you marry. Having passed that stage in life, she can give you strategies to help you cope when that urge becomes very strong.
Tell her you want her to be your close confidante so that you can share your struggles about your lovemakingual desires, and about the attempts by guys to sleep with you, with her.
Subsequently, call her whenever you desire to make love or when guys tempt you so that she will encourage you and urge you on.
By knowing that someone such as that is behind you, you will have this sense of accountability that will help you to remain focused on your vision.
Sing Spiritual Songs To Yourself Often
I used to do this anytime I felt a strong urge to sleep with a woman, when I was younger, and it really helped me to control my desire.
Therefore, sing your favorite gospel songs to yourself often. It will help you to feel stronger spiritually, the Holy Spirit will strengthen you, and you will have this sense of joy in your heart which will help you to renew your devotion to the Lord, which will help you to suppress that desire.
The Bible admonishes us to pray without ceasing because we have spiritual enemies who do not want us to live holy lives. Therefore, never forget to pray every day.
You may choose to intone prayers such as this one every morning, “Dear Father, God of war, Lord of hosts, I thank You for the body You have given to me. I thank You for this desire which You have put in me, which will help me to bond with my husband when I get married. Lord, it is my desire to live a chaste life for Your glory and honor. Please strengthen my spirit today so that I can remain true to You. Help me to keep this desire, which grows very strong sometimes, in check. Lord, please remind me of all that You have done for me, and all that You are doing for me every day so that I can remain grateful, which will make it easier for me to choose to continue to be a virgin. When my friends talk about the pleasures they are enjoying with their boyfriends, please help me to feel content in the knowledge that I am doing what pleases You. And when guys try to get me to fall, Lord, be my Rock and Shield. Furthermore, please fight against the spirits of lust for me so that they cannot overcome my spirit. I commit myself to You and know You will honor my prayer. Amen.”
These are the words of wisdom for daughters which I want to share with teenage girls, young Christian women, and unmarried non-Christian women. Choose to maintain your dignity by refusing to give in to a guy who wants to sleep with you when he has not made the commitment to take care of you for the rest of his life. It will save you a lot of heartache and emotional pain.
Words of Wisdom for Daughters
Do you love spiritual songs?
© 2017 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio