- Gender and Relationships»
Would You Go Back To Your Spouse After They Cheated?
To go back, or not to go back?
This has been a controversial topic for a long time and usually there are two distinct opinions; Walk away or forgive and forget.
Obviously as humans and having emotions our first instinct is going to say, "walk away." Our feelings are hurt, our pride has been damaged, but most of all our hearts have been broken. We have suffered a betrayal by someone whom we held dear to us. Someone we trusted did the unthinkable.
Some would say it is unforgivable. Some beg to differ. Personally, I believe it is all in how you look at it and how you look at what the bible says about it. You really must weigh the situation and consider how bad it is. Is that person truly sorry? Was it really a mistake? Is this a repeated offense?
Are They Apologetic or Argumentative?
When struggling with the aftermath of infidelity it is wise to consider how it came about. This can be a hard task considering it does take thinking about why it happened, how it happened, and sometimes, even who it happened with. Was your partner put into a tempting situation against their wishes or did they willing walk into something knowing that inappropriate things could happen? Were the sober or drunk? Is this a repeated occurrence or the first time something has happened? Most importantly, have they apologized? If they did apologize, did they make excuses and try to blame something in the relationship? Or did they actually sincerely admit that what they did was horribly wrong and that they are truly sorry?
When you first found out that your significant other cheated on you, did you find out by a third party or did they tell you personally? I feel like this is especially important how you answer to this because it says a lot about if they are apologetic or not. To a guilt ridden person who did something that they recognize as a mistake, hiding the truth will not work out well. In most cases, they will want to run to their spouse and ask their forgiveness instead of living with the guilt of what they did everyday. Especially if they truly love their spouse. Mistakes can happen, but if your spouse is willing to apologize, admit their wrongs, and tell you themselves that they made a mistake then that is a start in the right direction again.
However, if you found out from a third party or from stumbling upon the evidence, this is a bad blow to an already devastating situation. Of course, them coming out and being honest will still hurt, but finding out yourself is even worse. Not only is the lack of trust established from the infidelity but now it is heightened because they kept it from you as well. Then you begin to let your mind wonder. "How long has it been going on?" "Is this the first time?" "How many more before this one? Or after this one?" "How can I trust this person again?"
You may ask yourself many of the same questions even if your spouse is upfront about everything that happened. The difference is, the honest spouse is trying to reconcile and the dishonest spouse still has many of issues that could continue causing problems in your relationship, especially if they are argumentative about it and cannot admit their wrongs.
If your spouse argues with you about their infidelity, blaming you, putting you down for it, and refuses to admit their wrongs or wants to share the blame, then it might be time to separate. Especially if this is a repeated offence. Someone who sees no wrong in their actions will not change what they are doing.
What The Bible Says About Divorce
In the case of infidelity the bible does have a few things to say. It is a sin to cheat your spouse.
With this being said, God doesn't look at divorce as the first solution to a problem. He said, "Therefore what I have joined together, let no man separate."
If your spouse is willing to change and get the help that they need to keep that change consistent then you should forgive your spouse and try to make things work again. However, if the spouse is unwilling to change, says that they will but then they fall back into old patterns, or things get worse then it is acceptable to look into a divorce.
God would not want one of his children to be in a marriage where they are cheated on and constantly made to feel as though they are not enough. God created woman for man and intended it to be two people in a marriage. There are a multitude of bible verses to refer to where God makes statements about adultery in a marriage and how it is not acceptable.
Weighing Your Options
Taking time to yourself to pray, fast, and weigh the options before you is important. This time allows you to take a breathe of fresh air and figure out what your next move is.
Pray and pray hard. Do not stop praying. God will lead you the way that you need to go even if at first his answer is "Wait." When it came to issues in my marriage, I felt like an answer would never come. I prayed for almost two years, went through a separation, and continued to endure silence it seemed. God finally opened up the door for me and gave me my answer in the most unexpected way.
He will answer you when the time is right. We must learn to be patient even in times of sorrow and hurt and wait on God's answers.
Until then, you should pray for the ability to forgive your spouse and pray that Gods plan for your life will unfold.
Have You Or Your Spouse Ever Cheated In Your Marriage?
When To Call It Quits
There comes a time even when we do have to walk away. Not out of anger or complete despair, but by knowing when things simply are not going to get better. Do not let a kind, caring, forgiving heart blind you to someone's true nature.
If the spouse keeps cheating, lying, or hiding things from you with no effort to make things right, then it is time to walk away. Staying in a marriage like that is only going to be detrimental to you and your children in the long run. I can insure you a marriage like that is not what God intended or wants for your life.
Pray for your spouse daily to change but understand that only God and their willing heart will bring about that magnitude change. Pray for them daily but do not allow yourself to stay trapped in a marriage with someone who does not care for you or respect you.
Learning To Let Go: Either Way It Goes
No matter what happens at the end of it all, you must learn to let it all go. Holding onto the hurt and anger is only going to create a bitterness that destroys you in the end. Do not something bad that is in the past destroy your future.
It is not easy, letting go of betrayal, anger, resentment, and lost love. It isn't easy trying with someone again who hurt you so badly to begin with. If you do make the decision to try again then be honest and upfront about your feelings. Decide before you commit again that you actually are committed to making it work despite what has already happened. Trust will have to be rebuilt and it will be a long road, but if they are willing to change, then it might be a road worth traveling.
You cannot drive a car forward if you are constantly looking in the re-view mirror. The same applies to your life.
At the end of the day the decision is yours, if you will stay or leave your spouse because of their infidelity. No one else can tell you what to do in this situation so seek guidance and decide for yourself whether or not you can move forward with them or if its time to walk away.