When Your Boyfriend Makes Plans With A Female Friend And Doesn’t Include You
When your boyfriend makes plans to spend time alone with a female friend.
I have a boyfriend who has a female friend. She asks him to spend time alone with her regularly even though she knows he's in a relationship with me now. She always wants to make plans to go out with him, without me. It makes me feel upset, and i don't like her. Recently he agreed to her wishes, and has made plans for a night out with her, just the two of them. They are going to start the night at her house (She said she wants to show him something new at her house) and then go out for dinner together, and afterwards out drinking. I feel like I should trust him, but I feel very uncomfortable about this situation. When I tried to explain this to him he said I need to "Get over it" because she's just a friend. They were friends before we met. What should I do?
It seems like your boyfriend's friend believes she's in some kind of 'non-relationship' relationship with him (the guy friend you treat like a boyfriend when you don't have a boyfriend - or the "close friend" who seems like your boyfriend - In your own mind - But he is NOT!) because she's trying to make plans with him which don't include his REAL girlfriend.
This would make ANY WOMAN in a relationship uncomfortable. She is potentially a 'home wrecker!'. I mean, imagine you're out on a date with him and she is home alone so she decides to send a text message to him along the lines of "What about me? When will I get to spend some time alone with you? When can we go out for dinner too? Girlfriends come and go but our friendship is always there..." Let alone, if he felt flattered by all the attention (or sorry for her) and agreed to make a date night with her, expecting you'll be cool about it.
Most woman are respectful when their male friend has started a relationship. Similar to one of your female friends starting a relationship, they won't try to exclude you in social activities, they will try to include you and get to know you. They'll try to be nice to you even if they don't think you're all that great. But others may be jealous of the romantic feelings he has for the new girl, and/or behave like they've been jilted - Even though they were never really together in the first place. They were actually "Just friends".
Your boyfriend is meeting her at her home, taking her out for dinner - and then going out for some drinks (And dancing?) afterwards into the early hours (?)...Wow! It sure sounds like a real date to me. I would feel hurt and embarrassed about that (If anyone else new what my wonderful boyfriend was up to while I was at home that night).
Despite your dislike of her (I don't blame you) she may have been a really good non-romantic friend to him in the past, when he was single. But in order to keep you happy he needs to see that their relationship can't stay the way it was before, because now he has a REAL girlfriend. Rather than making plans with her he should be making this clear to her. If she's half decent she should respect that.
While your boyfriend might find it a bit annoying that you don't want him to date and maintain private friendships with other women while you're together (Especially not with that girl), he should be able to respect and understand your feelings about it. I'm sure he wouldn't like it if the tables were turned and you spent an all nighter with some guy from work. He should know that you're not being unreasonable and your feelings are understandable. Besides this, if he intends on keeping you as his girlfriend he should not do things with other women that upset you. No debate needed.
I hope you can talk to him calmly and help him to understand the reality of your situation.
How do you feel when your boyfriend makes plans with a female friend?
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