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When Your Boyfriend Makes Plans With A Female Friend And Doesn’t Include You

Updated on July 9, 2018

When your boyfriend makes plans to spend time alone with a female friend.

Readers Question:

I have a boyfriend who has a female friend. She asks him to spend time alone with her regularly even though she knows he's in a relationship with me now. She always wants to make plans to go out with him, without me. It makes me feel upset, and i don't like her. Recently he agreed to her wishes, and has made plans for a night out with her, just the two of them. They are going to start the night at her house (She said she wants to show him something new at her house) and then go out for dinner together, and afterwards out drinking. I feel like I should trust him, but I feel very uncomfortable about this situation. When I tried to explain this to him he said I need to "Get over it" because she's just a friend. They were friends before we met. What should I do?

RESPONSE:

It seems like your boyfriend's friend believes she's in some kind of 'non-relationship' relationship with him (the guy friend you treat like a boyfriend when you don't have a boyfriend - or the "close friend" who seems like your boyfriend - In your own mind - But he is NOT!) because she's trying to make plans with him which don't include his REAL girlfriend.

This would make ANY WOMAN in a relationship uncomfortable. She is potentially a 'home wrecker!'. I mean, imagine you're out on a date with him and she is home alone so she decides to send a text message to him along the lines of "What about me? When will I get to spend some time alone with you? When can we go out for dinner too? Girlfriends come and go but our friendship is always there..." Let alone, if he felt flattered by all the attention (or sorry for her) and agreed to make a date night with her, expecting you'll be cool about it.

Most woman are respectful when their male friend has started a relationship. Similar to one of your female friends starting a relationship, they won't try to exclude you in social activities, they will try to include you and get to know you. They'll try to be nice to you even if they don't think you're all that great. But others may be jealous of the romantic feelings he has for the new girl, and/or behave like they've been jilted - Even though they were never really together in the first place. They were actually "Just friends".

Your boyfriend is meeting her at her home, taking her out for dinner - and then going out for some drinks (And dancing?) afterwards into the early hours (?)...Wow! It sure sounds like a real date to me. I would feel hurt and embarrassed about that (If anyone else new what my wonderful boyfriend was up to while I was at home that night).

Despite your dislike of her (I don't blame you) she may have been a really good non-romantic friend to him in the past, when he was single. But in order to keep you happy he needs to see that their relationship can't stay the way it was before, because now he has a REAL girlfriend. Rather than making plans with her he should be making this clear to her. If she's half decent she should respect that.

While your boyfriend might find it a bit annoying that you don't want him to date and maintain private friendships with other women while you're together (Especially not with that girl), he should be able to respect and understand your feelings about it. I'm sure he wouldn't like it if the tables were turned and you spent an all nighter with some guy from work. He should know that you're not being unreasonable and your feelings are understandable. Besides this, if he intends on keeping you as his girlfriend he should not do things with other women that upset you. No debate needed.

I hope you can talk to him calmly and help him to understand the reality of your situation.

Best Wishes,

StrickltyDating

Reader Poll:

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© 2012 StricktlyDating

Comments:

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    • padmendra profile image

      PADMENDRA S R 

      6 years ago from DELHI/NCR

      Hi Stricktlydating,

      The way you have put in the 'issue' in your own words, is really appreciable and liked by me as well as your follower. Keep on giving your valuable views on certain other topics.

    • THEHuG5 profile image

      THEHuG5 

      6 years ago

      No boyfriend should ever tell his girlfriend to "get over it" when she says that something is bothering her. Especially something like this. I'm just fine with my boyfriend having female friends but in this situation he could at least invite her out with them every once in a while so that she'll be more comfortable and so she can actually get to know the woman that her boyfriend is spending so much time with. I mean he isn't exactly trying his best to put his girlfriend at ease. Whether he's cheating or not I don't know, but I'm pretty sure that the guy is a jerk.

    • Inspired to write profile image

      Dale J Ovenstone 

      6 years ago from Wales UK

      Hi stricktlydating

      This guy is very disrespectful to his girlfriend, he either want's a relationship or he don't! He should be upfront with his girlfriend & not dither around keeping her on edge. He should be upfront about his intentions & what sort of commitments he's looking for instead of stringing her along & maybe, giving her the wrong impression! He's going way over the top here & it looks like he should stay single!

      As you have said in your article, his relationship with his old friend should now change for the importance of his love for his girlfriend because this would crack anyone up in this circumstance.

      Love is a game of give & take & at times, certain things that used to be must now change, Iv'e done this myself out of relationship respect &, I bet you & many others have too (because our partners wouldn't put up with anything less & so they shouldn't.)

      If only he could imagine it all the other way around & it was HIS girl, whom had the old male friend (& one that is not gay) I don't think he would want to put up with this kind of behaviour himself (especially if he is serious with his girlfriend.)

      I come to the conclusion that, folk will only put up with, what you allow them to get away with!

      Nicely written article, thanks for sharing

      Regards Dale

    • stricktlydating profile imageAUTHOR

      StricktlyDating 

      6 years ago from Australia

      Well said SJmorningsun25! I appreciate you adding your opinion to this topic.

    • profile image

      SJmorningsun25 

      6 years ago

      I agree with your response. He's obviously not committed to his girlfriend if he's okay with going out with other women, and he's not worth it. To "Left at Home": you deserve better treatment than that. Drop this loser and wait until you find someone who's so crazy to be with you that everything--and everyone--else just fades into the background.

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