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Getting over a Crush, Moving on after a Breakup, and Relearning Romance
What's the longest you've ever liked someone and it didn't go anywhere?
Have you ever had the feeling of butterflies in your stomach? Do you like someone and you know they like someone else? Does it make you feel strong things, but you can do little to express it?
This is all normal and a part of living as a human.
Sometimes we don't know we have feelings for someone until we realize he's seeing someone else, or he's moving to the other side of the country. I know people scour the internet looking for ways to make a relationship happen with someone they're interested in. People will try love spells out of desperation, and they'll seek the advice of those who can read crystal balls. I'm here to say --
It's going to be a bumpy road. You may have to see your unrequited interest daily or weekly or monthly. You can't force anybody to like you, and if you know it's not the right timing -- you can't force it to be the right timing. I've been down this road so many times that you'd think I'd be a pro at it, but sometimes the heart hurts when things don't add up with someone you like.
I think the best thing to do when you hit this sour part of life is to accept it. You may end up denying it, clinging to hope, or get super angry -- but the sooner you can accept where you stand, the sooner you can take a look at yourself in the mirror.
Of course love is an essential part of your experience. You deserve love, to be loved, and unconditionally. Have faith and it will appear. Have faith that your feelings can change and are not rock solid stuck on one person. That might not be the easiest thing to take in right now, if you're dealing with this, but you can overcome being unrequited.
I suggest going to square one -- yourself. Fill up your life with your passions, the things you love. This will give you an amazing direction, and if you're needing to get over someone, this will help you reframe your mind. You're more likely to find someone you like going to the same places or events you like.
If you just now got thrown under a bus, take your time to process your feelings. It's normal to feel hurt, to feel like you can't eat, or can't sleep. You don't have to be a superstar the next day. Try not to drown yourself in alcohol and everything you can find in the kitchen. Close the door in your room and relax. Meditate, pray, and be calm. Make a space for yourself that's peaceful. You need to do this in order to heal because if you really are unrequited, and if he or she is with somebody else, then you really are dealing with physical and emotional pain. I don't promise that you'll only go through this once, but you'll get stronger and more equipped on how to handle heartbreak.
You might be tempted to lash out at your love interest with text messages or phone calls. Give yourself a moment and try to do something else instead. If you've liked this person for awhile, you don't want to hurt your friendship. You might not be thinking about that now because your mind was framing it around romance. But I sincerely hope that your friendship is still in good health. If you're really close enough friends, you might be able to talk things out, at least let them know where you stand, and that you're not going to impose on them because they're taken.
But I suggest you don't open that book anyway.
You can keep all this to yourself. Keep in mind people break up and there may be a chance for you down the road, so you don't want to throw it all out the window... but you do need to push it to the side and focus on yourself and try to realign yourself with a different potential love interest in your life. That might not be easy, if you're like me, and can get super incredibly focused on one person.
Be good to yourself. There's plenty of things to learn right now. You can travel the world, discover the cure for cancer, or learn 15 new languages! I mean, you have a lots of gusto if you can do that, but you should take on the world. Romance isn't required of you. It isn't required of anyone. We all go through this where things don't add up with someone we like whether it's timing, they like someone else, or they're just not interested.
Don't dismay. You are important in this world and we need you. You have value to offer even if you feel broken and worthless right now. It's okay if you just want to lay on the floor. It's okay if you have crazy thoughts right now and are angry in ways you never knew you could be (don't act out on that). You have a great amount of potential and today's heartbreak might not even be memorable in the future. You'll move on and cope with this at your own pace.
Tips When You Have a Broken Heart
1. Get some rest. You're probably not feeling well, and getting some sleep will help.
2. Take a walk in nature. Researchers are finding more and more that taking walks through nature helps ease the mind.
3. Feel it, write down how you feel, and know that it's not going to be forever.
4. Find people you trust and talk to them about it.
5. Being unrequited sucks. Pamper yourself with a spa, good food, etc.
6. Clean your house. Get rid of the clutter around you and you'll feel better.
7. Let your mind do what it needs to do. It takes time to get over someone. Your mind is likely to go through a lot of memories from the past. It may sneak up on your randomly, like when you go to get groceries, take a shower, or visit a place you used to go to.
8. Be mature. We don't have a lot of commercials that say "be mature." That's the advertising world's problem, not yours. Be mature. Be an abundance of a mature person.
9. Hang out with your friends.
10. Be careful with your food. Sometimes people will eat too much; sometimes it will be difficult to eat anything.
11. Write an angry letter about it. Don't send it though!
12. Make sure to take care of your hygiene.
13. Watch television that makes you happy.
14. Read the books you've always wanted to read.
15. Try not to think so much about the past. Get your mind to think about your future.
16. Be authentic toward yourself.
17. Do things you used to like doing when you were little -- coloring, singing, dancing, running, etc.
18. There's an old saying that those who are good at being one, will move on to two. So focus on your singularity before you move into a relationship.
19. Go on a mini vacation. Drive to another county and hang out at a bed and breakfast.
20. Call your mom.
21. Buy yourself something you have really wanted for a long time.
22. Teach yourself how to be tender toward yourself. Don't whittle yourself down.
23. Be active. Exercise. Getting up and moving will help.
24. Don't be too overwhelmed. You can take this on one step at a time.
25. Don't get mad at yourself if you start having cravings to be around that person. Getting over someone is like trying to quit drugs.