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Getting Over a Crush, Moving on After a Breakup, and Relearning Romance

Updated on March 1, 2022
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Andrea writes on various topics from dating, couples, astrology, weddings, interior design, and gardens. She studied film and writing.


Getting Over an Ex or Crush

People will spend months, even years trying to get over someone. This could be a person they had a crush on, an ex, or an old flame. I want to help you get over this person and reclaim your life.

Have you ever had the feeling of butterflies in your stomach? Do you like someone and you know they like someone else? Does it make you feel strong things, but you can do little to express it?

This is all normal and part of the experience of being human.

Sometimes we don’t know we have feelings for someone until we see him with someone else, or he’s moving to the other side of the country. I know people will scour the Internet looking for ways to make a relationship happen. People will try love spells out of desperation, and they’ll seek the advice of those who can read crystal balls. I’m here to say — just relax.

It’s going to be a bumpy road. You may have to see your unrequited interest daily or weekly or monthly. You can’t force anybody to like you, and if you know it’s not the right timing — you can’t force it to be the right timing.

I’ve been down this road countless times. Sometimes you pine over someone so much that the heart hurts.

I think the best thing to do when you hit this sour part of life is to accept it. You may end up denying it, clinging to hope, or getting super angry — but the sooner you can accept where you stand, the sooner you can take a look at yourself in the mirror… and move on.

Of course, love is something natural to desire. You deserve love, to be loved, and unconditionally. Have faith and eventually the stars will align. Have faith that your feelings can change and are not rock solid stuck on one person. Your obsession will end. That might not be the easiest thing to take in right now if you’re drowning in daydreams, but believe it or not, you can overcome being unrequited. Your suffering is only temporary.

I suggest going to square one — yourself. Fill up your life with your passions, the things you love. This will give you direction, and if you’re needing to get over someone, this will help you reframe your mind. You’re more likely to find someone you like by following your interests and meeting someone at the crossroads of your interests.

If you were just thrown under a bus, take your time to process your feelings. Rejection stings. It’s normal to feel hurt, to feel like you can’t eat, or can’t fall asleep. You don’t have to be a superstar. Try not to drown yourself in alcohol and everything you can find in the kitchen. Close the door in your room and relax.

Meditate, pray, and be calm. Make a space for yourself that’s peaceful. You need to do this in order to heal because if you really are unrequited, and if he or she is with somebody else, then you really are dealing with physical and emotional pain. I don’t promise that you’ll only go through this once, but you’ll get stronger and more equipped on how to handle heartbreak. With experience, you’ll get smarter on matters of love and accepting when something isn’t meant to be.

What's the longest you've ever liked someone and it didn't go anywhere?

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Navigating Unrequited Feelings on a Friend

You might be tempted to lash out at your love interest with text messages or phone calls. Give yourself a moment and try to do something else instead. If you’ve known this person for a while, you don’t want to hurt your friendship with your out-of-control feelings. You might not be thinking about the friendship right now because your head is full of crush-dependency chemicals.

If you’re close enough friends, you might be able to talk things out, at least let them know where you stand, and that you’re not going to impose on them because they’re taken or don’t share the same feelings.

Keep in mind people break up and there may be a chance for you down the road, so you don’t want to throw your entire friendship and hopes out the window… but you do need to push it to the side and focus on yourself and try to realign yourself with a different potential love interest.

Be Yourself

Be good to yourself. There are plenty of things to learn right now. You can travel the world, discover the cure for cancer, or learn 15 new languages! I mean, you have a lot of gusto if you can do that, but you should take on the world. Romance isn’t required of you. It isn’t required of anyone. Sometimes you have a crush and it doesn’t work… sometimes you date someone and love them and they break up with you.

Don’t get dismayed. You are important in this world, and we need you. You have value to offer even if you feel broken and worthless right now. It’s okay if you just want to lay on the floor. It’s okay if you have crazy thoughts right now and are angry in ways you never knew you could be (don’t act out on those sour thoughts). You have a great amount of potential and today’s heartbreak might not even be memorable in the future. You’ll move on and cope with this at your own pace.

Tips for When You Have a Broken Heart

1. Get some rest. You’re probably not feeling well, and getting some sleep will help. Redo your schedule and your habits if you can’t fall asleep.

2. Take a walk in nature. Researchers are finding more and more that taking walks through nature helps ease the mind. Plus, getting 10,000 steps is good for you.

3. Write down how you feel. The emotional train you’re on isn’t going to last forever. You might write a novel about your feelings and throw it away. You could also write an amazing breakup album, maybe not as good as Fleetwood Mac’s, but hey… that’s what they did to secure their fame.

4. Find people you trust and talk to them about it. Talk to friends, family, or get into a chatroom. Find someone you trust.

5. Pamper yourself with a spa day. You might feel better with a haircut, massage, new nails, and meditative music.

6. Clean your house. Get rid of the clutter around you and you’ll feel better. Get rid of things related to your ex or crush. You don’t need attachments.

7. Let your mind do what it needs to do. It takes time to get over someone and create new habits. Your mind is likely going to go through a lot of memories from the past. It may sneak up on you randomly, like when you go to get groceries, take a shower, or visit a place you used to go to.

8. Be mature. We don’t have a lot of commercials that say “be mature.” That’s the advertising world’s problem, not yours. Be mature. Be an abundance of maturity. Take the high road. Don’t pour a glass of water on your ex’s new girlfriend.

9. Hang out with your friends. Get out of your head and be with people you enjoy. If you need to make friends, follow a hobby and see if you can find people with similar interests.

10. Be careful with your food. Sometimes people will eat too much; sometimes it will be difficult to eat anything. Watch what you’re eating and see if you can get on a healthier track.

11. Write an angry letter about it. Don’t send it though!

12. Take a shower. If you just broke up with someone, you might have forgotten to take a shower. Hot water and soap might be the first steps to recovery.

13. Watch television that makes you happy. Opt for sitcoms and things that will make you laugh.

14. Read the books you’ve always wanted to read. Sometimes the best way to ignore a train of thought is to directly read something unrelated to the pain you’re experiencing.

15. Try not to think so much about the past. Get your mind to think about your future. Acknowledge your restless thoughts and then move on.

16. Be authentic toward yourself. You don’t have to put on a show for yourself.

17. Do things you used to like doing when you were little — coloring, singing, dancing, running, etc.

18. There’s an old saying that those who are good at being one, will move on to two. So focus on your singularity before you move into a relationship. Your singleness has value, don’t give it away for nothing.

19. Go on a mini-vacation. Drive to another county and hang out at a bed and breakfast. Take a day trip to the other side of the state.

20. Call your mom. Advice from Bo Burnham: FaceTime your mom for 40 minutes. Hope she won’t cover her camera with her thumb.

21. Buy yourself something you have wanted for a really long time. Maybe now is the time for that expensive Rosetta Stone?

22. Teach yourself self-love. Don’t attack yourself because things aren’t going your way. You need to ace loving yourself and self-parenting yourself.

23. Be active. Exercise. Getting up and moving will help. Run outside for new scenery.

24. Don’t get too overwhelmed. You can take things one step at a time. You don’t have to process all your hurt feelings at once. You’ll exhaust yourself by trying to process everything at once.

25. Don’t get mad at yourself if you start having cravings to be around that person. Getting over someone is like trying to quit drugs.

26. Don’t talk to the person for 35 days. Contacting them gives you hope. Stop talking to them to create a new you. Don’t look them up on social media. Avoid them as much as possible.

© 2015 Andrea Lawrence


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