- Gender and Relationships
You Should Never Regret Your Life Decisions
Good Girls live with Regrets!
Today is my day for paperwork but I am procrastinating rather than doing it.
Every year at this time, i.e after the Holidays and the start of a new year which brings my birthday, I suffer from a lack of motivation. My mind goes into reflective mode, churning over and over where I have been, where I am now and where I intend to go in this new year.
If you read my other hubs on this site, you will understand the many battles (related mostly to financial problems) that I have taken on these last couple of years. These battles have turned me into an unwilling and unlikely warrior. This is in direct conflict with the way I usually run my life. I am a person who wants to keep the peace for the sake of peace. Mostly because I despise drama , something that was in abundance during the chaos of my childhood (another Hub for another time).
Order, peace and tranquility are what I crave. My becoming a warrior of late was due to necessity and the desire to warn others about unscrupulous banks or franchisers-not because conflict and adversity is what I thrive on, quite the opposite.
I am confident-mostly-that being a warrior for right is the honorable thing to do. If I can save/help one person by telling about what I went through at the hands of people who misrepresented or lied to me, then it is all worth it. Only in periods (which are only for a split second) do I sometimes feel guilty because someone (probably someone very insecure) posts a hateful note on my hub. Why? Because guilt is what women who are prone to being "good girls" feel. Luckily for me, having a supportive and loving husband who has encouraged me to "fight the good fight" and having the wisdom that has come with age, I have learned to disregard opinions from people who do not matter and live life by my rules.
One of my Facebook friends posted the following "Top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed"(It was written by a nurse anonymously and therefore, I cannot give credit where credit is due but can give an acknowledgement to Brad Shore who originally posted the list on his website getintheloop.org. ). I shared my FB friend's post with some of my friends; and WOW, did this set off some long conversations! Seems we all (especially us "good girls" who try to please everyone) have some real issues reconciling living the life we want versus living a life everyone else will approve of.
Here are the Top 5 regrets along with my personal observations:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
My observations: Many "good girls" like me continue to live the life which others anticipated for us. There comes a time when one should reflect and learn about the life "they want to live". Only you can live your life the way YOU want. Grow up and critics be damned.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
My observations: Men can fall into this regret but lots of women of today raised on equal opportunity can relate to this one. Women have all had to work harder, longer and carry more weight just to prove to their male co-workers and managers they could do the job to sadly regret to learn in the end, it is the time spent enjoying life, spending it with your children is really what matters most. I am working on this one.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Another symptom of the good girl syndrome. Do not be afraid to speak your mind regardless of how others will dislike it. If you see wrong, try to right it or at least warn others. Many who cannot handle the truth will object, but that is their problem.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
True. Mostly I have stayed in touch-with the friends that matter most, that is. Sometimes we need to break from the good girl thinking and cut off ties to friends whom are toxic or have grown so far away from us that to keep a friendship going for the sake of time invested would end up being regretted.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Yes and to do this, one must stop comparing yourself to others. Be happy with who you are, celebrate your differences and acknowledge that NO one is completely satisfied in life and possibly you should never be because when you are, you stop changing, growing and learning. That being said, you should strive to be happy where you are at the moment.
I relate most profoundly to #1 and #3. Finally reaching my mid-50s I am determined to live the life I choose without concern for peer pressure or those who due to their insecurity, want to poo-poo your life and so, #1 I have fulfilled. #3 is easy if you live your life by your rules.
A woman of 76 years once told me when I was a young girl of 20 to "Jump into life with both feet, enjoy life to the fullest and no regrets" AMEN!