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You can't choose who you love

Updated on December 3, 2012

When something doesen't work out someone says move on. They get mad if you don't take their advice.

You can't switch off your feelings. If you really love someone they will be in your heart for a long time. If you forget about them easily then you never really loved them.

You can't choose who you love. Sometimes it just happens. You can't force yourself to love someone. You shouldn't be criticized if you fall for someone who others don't approve of. Take things one day at a time and see what happens.

You will move on when you are good and ready. Don't let other people tell you what to do. Otherwise you will stress yourself out. There is a right person for everybody and love is out there. Some people just find it more easily than others. It is out there so don't give up.

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    • bangell08 profile image

      bangell08 5 years ago from Ohio

      I agree with dashingscorpio. I think that you really can choose who you fall in love with, for the reasons that he mentioned.

      I think that the difference in opinion lies in the definition of "love" or "falling in love." There is a big difference between attraction and actual love. Seeing a pretty girl or a handsome guy and getting that flutter in your stomach, or thinking someone is super sweet and amazing because of something he or she did or said - that is attraction. I don't think that you can necessarily help having those feelings and I agree with you that we shouldn't be criticized for that.

      However, love is an entirely different thing and I really do think that love is a choice. Love is not just a feeling - if it were, you would be entirely right to say that we can't choose who we love. Love is a verb, not just a noun. What I mean by this is that love encompasses far more than just feelings. Love is a process, and it requires actions, which is why we can choose whether or not to love someone. As dashingscorpio mentioned, we choose who to spend our time with and interact with. You can choose whether or not to act on your feelings of attraction. Putting work into a relationship is when, and only when, love happens. Love a first sight - that is simply attraction. Love comes later, when two people grow to know each other deeply and intimately.

      An example to illustrate what I mean: A guy meets a cute girl who he thinks is funny and nice - he is attracted to her. They go on several dates, but then he finds out that she has bipolar disorder, an eating disorder, a crazy drug-addict mother, an STD, or whatever you want to imagine. He decides not to go on any more dates with her. By choosing to end the relationship, he is choosing not to love her - though, had he chosen to act on his initial attraction and work with her through her problem, love very well may have happened.

      I think that you are right about several things. We can't really help who we are attracted to or not attracted to, and should not be shamed or ridiculed for that. I also don't think that you can necessarily force love - even when two people are attracted to each other and invest themselves wholly in a relationship, they may never actually come to love each other. However, you can choose, at least to some extent, who you love by choosing whether or not to pursue them based on your attractions. Love isn't always easy, and it may go against what other people in your life want for you, but as you said - don't give up!

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