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Your Affair Hurts Everyone

Updated on January 7, 2016

Marriage

Marriage is very different today than it was when I grew up. I believe 1968 changed everything with the birth control. Before there was less infidelity as the consequences were much more devastating for the women. Today,no one really cares and people are more selfish. I believe in my opinion first, marriage is between a man and a women. The Bible teaches this and tells us to be fruitful and multiply. Before I get swore at, I also believe gay people should have the same respect and benefits as everyone else. However, I do not think churches should be forced to marry gays. I can't change the bible. Now, I can get back to the subject of marriage. God gave us all free choice.

Marriage is a sacrament and a sacred bond between 2 people, who love and cherish each other. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. A commitment does not mean the couple breaks up at the first sign of a problem. Too often the couple does not address their problems but runs out and has an affair. Affairs only make more problems and do not help anything.

Marriage sets an example to our kids of how two adults should be living with kindness, joy, and love being shown to the couple as well as the children. This is marriage and family. If you have this love of each other your children will see this and hopefully follow it.

Marriage is not an easy sacrament to follow, but when it is done the rewards of a good life together are worth all the effort. I have know such marriages in my time. Most of these people are Christians. If a person wants to get married in the Catholic Church they must have a year of marriage classes. My X inlaw got married in the Baptist church, because they would marry them right away. They told me the class was too long a whole year. After 2 divorces they tell me the class should be about 2 or 3 years long. They are in their 40'ts now.

Marriage

Source

The Sign Of Love

A very pretty wedding ring, as a token of love for the bride.
A very pretty wedding ring, as a token of love for the bride. | Source

The Affair

The guy had an affair and his wife was 8 months pregnant. He came to my work so excited to tell me that a baby was coming. What happened in less then 2 weeks? In my heart I knew I would not have been able to stay with some one who cheated on me.I really did not see how his wife would. Why?

1. Commitment is a promise that was meant to be kept by both parties. You are messing with other peoples life. The kids are the other people. You have no more family together on the Holidays. The kids go to your family one year and my house the next year. We are all no longer together as that one large family. You have also lost a family,mother-in-law, father-in-law and all the rest of the family. It is so sad to lose a family that really loved you.

2. Trust This is built over years and should not be torn down.

3. Respect There could not have been much respect in the first place if your partner could do this.

4. Love Remember the saying love is not suppose to hurt? I do not think it is suppose to hurt this bad.

I have never cheated on my husband, nor believe he has cheated on me. I do know that the effects of this can really hurt a family. Some of my grandchildren have suffered greatly by the divorce of their parents.Some have never recovered.

Who Did Your Affair Hurt The Most?

I sat up with one of my grandsons all night, and watched him cry. I have never forgotten that, as it broke this grandmothers heart. My other little granddaughter told me that my daddy does not love me no more. How dare you move away from your kids are you divorcing your spouse or your children? I like the way the person you had your affair with left you in less that 2 months. Was this really worth it?

I got to see the effects of your affair on your children. I will never understand why the person can not go to the spouse and just ask for a divorce. I am beginning to believe because they really do not want a divorce. Think about this for a minute, in the old days your parents did not watch your kids. If you were a wife this now means you work, and maybe even 2 jobs. You did not have too much time for dating and running around. Now, I see the wife running all weekend as the dad has the kids. Grandma has them during the week while mom works. This seems like a nice recipe to give moms free time. Sounds pretty good to me. So this is how moms get time to date.

The Wedding

Source

Who Gets Hurt

Do children suffer when the parent has an affair?

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The Wedding Present

A beautiful present.
A beautiful present. | Source

The Conclusion

This is my summary, about one-half of all marriages break up. We still know that marriage was given to us by God. Heb 13:4 Let Marriage be honored among all. Having an affair is not following Gods commandments, you either believe this or you do not. There is no changing the Bible. I am so sorry this happened in my own family. It is terrible to lose the whole family.


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  • ladyguitarpicker profile image
    Author

    stella vadakin 24 months ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

    Swalia, thank you for the comments and reading.

  • swalia profile image

    Shaloo Walia 24 months ago

    Children are the ones who suffer the most when a marriage ends. But sometimes, it's just not possible to continue with the marriage especially when you discover that your spouse is cheating on you.

  • ladyguitarpicker profile image
    Author

    stella vadakin 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

    promisem, thanks for the comment and stopping by. There are some marriages that do survive, I just know it would not work for me.

  • promisem profile image

    Scott Bateman 2 years ago

    The people I know who have had affairs and ended up getting married did not have happy marriages. How could you trust each other under those circumstances?

  • ladyguitarpicker profile image
    Author

    stella vadakin 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

    Au Fait, Thanks for reading and your comments. Sorry it has taken so long to get back to you. You are right about cheating and how they really don't want a divorce. I just don't see any point being married if you or your spouse want to cheat. I have a 24 year old granddaughter who has a boyfriend but will not get married. She has seen too much to risk marriage.She has a good job and a nice life, maybe she is right. It is a different world,sometimes its like everything was a lie. I will check out your article, Stella

  • Au fait profile image

    C E Clark 2 years ago from North Texas

    No one dates in these situations that I know of. It's just meetings away from the bright lights so no one who might recognize one or the other one will see them. There is no intention of divorce for most men, they just want a little something different and have usually been brought up to believe they're entitled, where women are not. You as a parent may not have taught your sons that, but they absorbed it from our society just the same.

    Men get tired of the same old excuse for messing around behind their wive's backs -- you know, it's Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday, or my wife doesn't understand me. Many of them truly believe a pregnant wife justifies cheating.

    Many men also believe a wife who is frazzled from working those 2 jobs you mentioned, and then coming home to do the second shift, has changed and just isn't hot and sexy anymore. There again, in his mind, is justification for cheating.

    Never mind that men may look like the south end of a buffalo going north themselves, and aren't so hot and sexy anymore either, not to mention they have developed a less than pleasant attitude and demeanor. Women are held to an different standard in many of their minds -- an impossible standard often times.

    There has always been a double standard and some women think giving their husband a dose of their own medicine might be in order, while other women believe they are just as entitled as their husbands if that is to be the rule he chooses to live by.

    Men have always messed around. Women used to be more financially dependent on them and so they put up with it and the family stayed together while the wife's soul died. Her cheating too, is of course not a good answer to this problem.

    If anything, cheating is worse than it used to be with married men, and married women have gotten into the act now too in a big way. With everyone having their own personal cell phone, dating sites and cheating sites galore, infidelity has never been so easy.

    I wish I had the answer. I've noted that many young people often choose not to marry these days. While I do not know if watching the adults in their lives has influenced their decision, I can't help but think it has.

    Sex is the strongest instinct any animal has and people are animals too. If male animals of other species will risk death to mate with a female of their species, any female, then that same instinct at work in human males would likely make the risk of a broken marriage seem nothing compared to death. Of course men don't usually think they'll be caught.

    Personally, I think when people, both men and women, are letting their instincts take over, they aren't thinking at all. The time to think about what one would do in certain situations is BEFORE that situation presents itself, while one's head is hopefully a little clearer.

    Not all marriages come about because of love. Even today there are a lot of business marriages, and many people are choosing open marriage and other forms of marriage. Not saying that's good. None of those things would work for me, but that is today's reality. Yes, there are still a few traditional marriages in existence, but they are getting fewer all the time. Check out my article on that subject. :)

  • ladyguitarpicker profile image
    Author

    stella vadakin 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

    RTalloni, Thanks for reading. you are right selfishness is everywhere these days. They just don't know how much kids can hurt.

  • RTalloni profile image

    RTalloni 2 years ago from the short journey

    The selfishness, the children's confusion and pain, and more---the consequences are all so sad. The more fractured and families become, the less new generations know about having a strong, stable family of their own one day. Everyone says they want that, but few are willing to turn to the help that could be theirs. Thank you for speaking up for families.

  • ladyguitarpicker profile image
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    stella vadakin 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

    Grand old lady, you have been blessed to be married for 34 years. It use to be the women was left with the kids, now a lot of the men have them. Divorce is bad either way you look at it. Thank you for you your comment.

  • grand old lady profile image

    Mona Sabalones Gonzalez 2 years ago from Philippines

    I agree with you 100 percent. Marriage is a commitment, not just a feeling. I've known of men who were philanderers who grew old alone and unloved. It's really sad. Because the women are usually left with the children, in their old age it's the children who look after them. Marriage classes are a good idea, teaching couples to take the long view before marriage. But I don't know if it will take a year. When I was in college I was with a Christian group and we had marriage and dating classes while we were single. It helped me a lot and I have been married to a very good man for some 34 years.

  • ladyguitarpicker profile image
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    stella vadakin 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

    Nell Rose, Thanks for the visit and the comments. Yes, something was missing in the first place.

  • Nell Rose profile image

    Nell Rose 2 years ago from England

    I think the trouble is that we are only human. Sometimes a marriage doesn't work, something is missing and we need to find it with someone else. Its not good but its human, interesting stuff ladyguitar, nell

  • ladyguitarpicker profile image
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    stella vadakin 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

    clivewilliams, thanks for the visit and the comment.

  • ladyguitarpicker profile image
    Author

    stella vadakin 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

    Cornelia, thanks for the comment and glad you have not thought of such a bad thing. Marriage is a lot of work by both partners.

  • CorneliaMladenova profile image

    Korneliya Yonkova 2 years ago from Cork, Ireland

    Agree with you, Stella, marriage is something sacred, given us from God and we should not dare to hurt our spouses and especially the kids. I myself am married for more than fifteen years and never ever have thought of doing such dreadful thing.

  • clivewilliams profile image

    Clive Williams 2 years ago from Nibiru

    sometimes love simply hurts

  • kiwinana profile image

    Elsie Hagley 2 years ago from New Zealand

    Yes I have another ex Squidoo account by my name Elsie Hagley, kiwinana is my old HubPage account that I had in 2008, which I plan on using now.

  • ladyguitarpicker profile image
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    stella vadakin 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

    Kiwinana, thanks for the visit and stopping by. Your comments are welcome. Your photo looks like another Huber. Welcome, Stella

  • kiwinana profile image

    Elsie Hagley 2 years ago from New Zealand

    Very interesting article. My husband and I have been married 55 years. My children have broken marriages, I have seen how my grandchildren have suffered, it has broken my heart.

    Of my five children, only one is still married 23 years which is good, but they have nearly split up two or three times.

    Yes, affairs are not worth it, only brings misery to all even the extended family.

  • ladyguitarpicker profile image
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    stella vadakin 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

    dashingscorpio, thanks for the comments. I agree with you on most of what you have said. I like your opinion and for me it would also be a deal breaker. I mean who needs a cheater, but that is their choice and they would have more forgiveness then me.

  • dashingscorpio profile image

    dashingscorpio 2 years ago

    No one wants to be cheated on whether they're married or not, heterosexual or gay. With regard to the bible everyone seems to "cherry pick" which verses of scripture they want to subscribe to. Fornication before marriage is a very common one that often gets ignored.

    I agree with you during the 1960s when hippies were pushing for "free love", better birth control methods, and what was called "shacking up" at the time completely changed the traditional courtship to marriage process forever.

    Better career opportunities for women and higher pay also have changed things as well. It's been reported that (women) initiate 66% or 2/3rds of all divorces. In prior eras maybe women who found out their husband had an affair were more likely to stay with them. Who knows...

    The more options one has the less crap they will put up with!:)

    It's been my observation that cheaters seek to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side. In essence very few cheaters are looking to replace one relationship with another or go through an divorce.

    Oftentimes the breakup or divorce is the result of their mate considering his or her actions to be a "deal breaker". My guess is the children are hurting because the marriage ended. Having said that each person is entitled to have their own "deal breakers". For me personally cheating is a "deal breaker". However many others have stayed with their spouses.

    I suspect one of the reasons when ask (why) after learning our mate has cheated is because on some level we're looking for something to give us a reason to stay. On the other hand if cheating is a "deal breaker" then it makes no difference as to (why).

    Cheating is a selfish cowardly act perpetrated by those who either did not know themselves well enough before attempting to live a monogamous life or the lacked the courage to walk away from an unhappy marriage prior to getting involved with other people.

    Human beings make mistakes in all areas of life. While no one on their wedding day dreams about getting divorced it can't be overlooked that some people really do choose the "wrong mate" for themselves.

    When it's all said and done a divorce is a public admission that mistake was made in mate selection process. Expecting them to change is unrealistic. If you ever find yourself in a hole, the first thing you want to do is stop digging. A commitment is not a piece of paper or a diamond ring. It's how a couple conducts themselves. One man's opinion!:)

  • ladyguitarpicker profile image
    Author

    stella vadakin 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

    Larry thanks for the comments and you are so right. It is a real shame but kids get used.

  • ladyguitarpicker profile image
    Author

    stella vadakin 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

    Larry thanks for the comments and you are so right. It is a real shame but kids get used.

  • Larry Rankin profile image

    Larry Rankin 2 years ago from Oklahoma

    Very interesting analysis. Divorce hurts the kids, but on top of that, it is made worse when parents began manipulating their children like chess pieces.

  • ladyguitarpicker profile image
    Author

    stella vadakin 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

    Thanks for your comments, although I think there could be other reasons to get a divorce than just infidelity. The classes I think are great for young people thinking of getting married. There are too many failed marriages.

  • Jackie Lynnley profile image

    Jackie Lynnley 2 years ago from The Beautiful South

    Affairs really are so bad and actually the only reason through God's word that make divorce OK. Honestly at least Christians of all denominations should have classes before marriage. If they are truly in love there is nothing they can't work out. I know looking back we know there should have never been the mistakes we make. Classes could make all aware of all the problems before they come to tempt and the bad results.

    Great article. ^+