Your Chewing Gum Habit can Irritate More People Than you Know
If you like the mundane chewing gum . . .you'll love this.
The Day Will Come
if you live long enough, you WILL encounter someone, a non-thinking, non-caring person who lives to irritate you and during a few hours of rest from working like a donkey at your dead-end job. I know that the previous sentence was a bit long, but (a nod to the late Dr. Hunter Thompson), Dr. Thompson's sentences were long paragraphs and were very interesting--like I crave for pieces like this to be of interest to you.
Well, the first thing that "Ms. Non-Caring Person," does is try to ask you if she can help you because she is working in a service-based company, but you instantly-realize that the girl has crammed an entire pack of chewing gum in her small mouth thus making communication with her almost impossible. Irritating? You bet.
So you do the diplomatic thing and step-aside what you really wanted to say about her vulgar, ill-mannered habit of smacking her full mouth of gum like a possessed wolverine searching for his next supper. But your civil-minded thinking does not help whatsoever. The obnoxious girl only chews her gum with even more speed causing each smack to be heard by customers on the further side of the store.
And there you stand—carrying a load of embarrassment looking silly as other customers pass by whispering at you and this incident was NOT your fault. But the cold-hearted Chewing Gum Machine, the girl behind the service counter has added yet another pack of gum in her mouth making the total amount of packs that she is chewing . . .TWO. You even forget (temporarily) your anger and look in awe at this teen girl smacking two packs of gum and you wonder what circus side-show did she escape from? “Ladies and gentlemen, stop by our latest attraction: “Cindy, The Queen of Chewing Gum,” tickets today are only two-dollars apiece!”
With no Other Choice
you decide to walk away from the Teen Chewing Gum Demon and quietly shop around in the store to find what you went in for in the first place. But the irritating memories that you have just been given by the teenage girl with packed jaws of chewing gum gives you a wave of anger and you are very tempted to not shop this store due to the girl’s lack of feeling for others.
And did you know that there is another way that some yokel can easily-irritate you as so your blood pressure jumps by three points as you face another Gum-Chewing Wonder. His name is “Harry, The Telephone Customer Service Specialist.” Yeah, right. How did you ever make “Harry’s” acquaintance? Easy. You are a living specimen of a good-natured guy who obeys Civil Law—always respecting others and doing his best NOT to have any friction with anyone. (Just read on see what you encounter with “Harry.”)
You Arrive at Your Home
and you think that you are going to relax and have an evening of peace. Don’t feel so bad. All humble-thinkers have the same thoughts as you do as you sit in your favorite recliner, put your feet up, and turn-on your radio that has several channels and cost you a lot of bucks. Ahhh, you let out a sigh of relief knowing that the troublesome girl at the store made you feel so angry at how she chewed, smacked, and let her chewing gum slide out of her mouth (like a snake) and sucked it back into her mouth is history. Now you can drift-off to a good nap with classic music that is played from your expensive radio.
Not hardly. Your click on the “on” button, but no classical music. Now you explode from your recliner and check the cord to see if it is plugged into an outlet. You see that the cord is plugged and try to turn the radio on once more . . .only to experience NO DICE. And with no one watching, (including your wife who is out with her girlfriends at the movies), you slam your fist down to the radio thinking that many times you have seen someone with a mechanical problem get solved by punching the mechanical problem really well—but not as hard as former Heavyweight Champion of The World: Evander Holyfield.
If you think that you were angry at how the gum-chewing and eating girl at the Service Desk who you encountered only an hour ago at the big department store, then you haven’t seen or heard anything. You swiftly find the radio’s owner manual and get to the page where you can identify the problem and get on to listening to some great classical music.
Now, you are faced with another dilemma: the manual informs you to take the radio’s cabinet off, and check a thing called the Reception Circuit, but you are not an electrician, but you are so glad that the radio’s manual did have a photo of the Reception Circuit in order for you to fix the problem. Then in about two hard hours, you fail. And continue to fail. Now you are sweating bullets as if you were standing in front of a firing squad. But you are not ready to concede defeat, because you read on another page of the Owner’s Manual that “in case you cannot fix (a) certain problem, call a certain 800 number and talk to one of our professional Service Techs who can solve any problem that you may have.
You Finally Breathe a Sigh of Relief
as you grab the phone and dial the number that you read in the Owner’s Manual and no one (besides Superman) could dial the number as fast as you did. The “800” number rings . . .and rings . . .and rings until this guy, “Harry,” the Service Tech, and continue to spill your guts as to why your expensive radio is on the fritz.
“Harry,” listens intently to you tell him of his problem and interject what the trouble might be, so now, you hear “that” oh, so familiar sound of someone smacking their chewing gum, but this cannot be a coincidence. Not again. You just endured a half-day of dealing with “Cynthia, the Chewing Gum Queen,” that did not make your day. Could it now be that it was time for you to encounter another annoying person with a chewing gum habit that may be more than what “Cynthia” was chewing. So you decide to tell “Harry,” the problem and in a slow talking manner, as so he can grasp how to fix your cherished radio.
The (alleged) dialogue might have been best described as this:
“Sir, (smack, smack), this is “Harry,” and I am (smack, smack, smack, chew, pop the bubbles) a Customer Service Tech and (chew, smack, chew, chew) how may I help (smack, smack) you?”
You: “Well, “Harry,” I am having this problem (in the background, (“Harry” continues to grind his teeth and smack his gum while you talk) and my radio that is not but two months (chew, chew, smack, pop, grind, chew), so I just turned it on and it will not (chew, chew, smack) work! Can you help (smack, smack, smack) me . . .please?”
“Harry”: (smack, smack, grind, cough, smack) yes, sir. You see, you have (chew, chew, grind, pop a bubble in the phone) our model AB6765—B (smack, cough, choke, smack) and all you do to fix it (smack, gargle, strangle, chew, chew, smack) is to look at the Circuit Transponder (smack, smack) at the middle of the insides and then (chew, chew, chew) jiggle it up and down, and (smack, smack, chew gasp) that should do it.”
You: Okay, “Harry,” thanks for the information and (chew, chew, grind teeth, slur - “Harry’s” chewing) may I ask you something? (smack, smack!) How do you manage to do your job while chewing and smacking a mouthful of gum?”
“Harry”: “(smack, chew, smack) you have some nerve, buddy! And I tell you (gasp, gasp) do NOT call me again! (Smack loudly! Chew against the teeth).
So you are at a certain juncture: now there is no “Harry,” or anyone else, just the harsh memory of “Cynthia: The Chewing Gum Queen,” and “Harry”: The Customer Service Tech. Oh, how you wish that your wife was here. She was the mechanical one, not you.
Now you are back at the radio and finding the Transponder Circuit, and gently shaking it back and forth . . .and when you hit the ON button, the classical music fills your living room. You feel so on top of the world. You did it. You actually fixed that expensive radio by yourself.
Then as you put the back on the radio, you happen to see a small sign that has been glued to the inside of the radio and as you dust-off the wording, you are so stunned that you cannot believe it.
The wording says . . .If all else fails in fixing this radio, including our Customer Service Techs, we suggest that you find a pack of chewing gum and put about five sticks in your mouth and when you have chewed the gum for half an hour, stick the gum to the Transponder Circuit and that should fix the problem.
Don't you feel so stupid?
May 29, 2019___________________________________________________
© 2019 Kenneth Avery