ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Gender and Relationships»
  • Non-Monogamous Relationships

Cheating in Relationships: What happens after an affair?

Updated on September 19, 2016

“I discovered he had been cheating on me. I asked him about it, but he kept lying. I found out he had been texting another girl. I was furious.”

Introduction

It is commonly said that men cheat because of bad sex while women cheat because their husbands show a lack of affection towards their girlfriend.

But at the end of the day, disloyalty and engaging in extramarital affairs are not gender-specific and not exclusive to one sex.

However, it should be noted that sex in an “affair” is never the same as it is in a long-term relationship. In an affair, both parties solely meet for the purpose of sex; intrinsically, they are driven by an animalistic instinct—the primary instinct to have sex and reproduce. This drive is the underlying rationale for contact between said parties. In a long-term relationship, however, this isn’t the case. You already are in contact with your partner and have been for a long time. Now, what mainly differentiates long-term relationships from affairs? It is quite simple, actually: the aspect of living together.

With said differentiation, we can now take a closer look as to why men and women engage in extramarital affairs.

Why men cheat

A man tends to stray whenever they feel their spouse is becoming his mom, causing him to lose his sense of independence, autonomy and freedom. Cheating simply functions as a means to an end: to either regain or strenghten his sense of self and his own identity of a strong male. One could say that a lowered sense of self and worth (particularly in males, that is) directly affects the likelihood of a man cheating.

Another reason why men might cheat is because they believe they have the “right to do so”; he might also cheat because he is not in touch with his feelings. As such, sex could potentially be a way to experience these feelings; feelings can be sexualized.

Furthermore, a misunderstood and unloved husband or boyfriend will most likely cheat to gain a sense of recognition, usually granted by another female; this behavior can be destructive, however, as it can lead to a “slur of meaningless flings”, in which the man seeks temporary, short-lived stimulation from another female.

Why women cheat

Women can cheat with married men, simply to find a solution to internal conflicts. Oftentimes these women end up even more torn-apart as soon as the extramarital affair is over, while the internal conflict is still very much present.

Young women who cheat with older (married) men could engage in the act of cheating because they desire a heightened sense of maturity in themselves. Young women who have a tendency to “please” also are more prone to extramarital affairs; they flutter from man to man, married or not married. If a woman generally feels a need to please her man abundantly, it might indicate she has been abused sexually in a previous relationship or possibly even her childhood.

On the other hand, there are also “strong and independent” woman—those who live for their careers and are in a sensible marriage—who can cheat because they are instinctively aware her “weaker” husband will never leave her. In extramarital affairs, she tends to seek equally sexual men of greater value.

Now what?

The affair is over, and the feelings gained from prolonged cheating start to extinguish. It has started to become an annoyance as soon as the sex becomes repetitive, making you realize your interests, common ground and future aspirations do not intertwine with your extramarital fling.

Danger lies therein, that you will start comparing long-term relations to extramarital relationships (i.e. affairs), whereas they could not be any further apart. Post-cheating, the cheater as well as the so-called ‘victim’ needs time; it may be so the cheater has feelings of guilt towards the third party, if the cheater suddenly returns to his or her own partner.

As soon as an extramarital relationship is finished, it is essentially not a good time to ask yourself about the future of said relationship. Before deciding and taking the leap of faith, it is necessary to be able to allocate your emotions and feelings. The faithful as well as the unfaithful spouse still have a plethora of unresolved emotions. It is strongly recommended not to alter the course of your relationship, voice your concerns and altogether make not any rash decision as long as these unresolved emotions are still present in either partner.

Overcoming cheating in your relationship may prove to be difficult at first sight, and it is; but it needn’t be. The process of forgiveness is not easy, but if both partners are willing to invest in a renewed relationship, then there might prove to be light at the end of the tunnel, however:

Forgiveness can only be granted if both partners can once again live in harmony, based on the principle of equality, mutual understanding and willingness to let bygones be bygones. Collectively reaching this plateau of reciprocated and inherent equality , however, is what makes reinvigorated relationships so difficult to last.

Have you ever been cheated on in a relationship?

See results

TED Talk

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)