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Abused against Men: the Battered Husband
Abusive Women do Exist
Abusive Women and the Battered Partner
I know of three men being abused by their wives. Two of these men are from the Philippines Both men are from upper middle class families. I personally knew the parents of these two guys
The other man I know is from the United States and I supervised his work before my retirement from Federal employment. Nobody believed them until they finally decided to end their marriages.
This abuse by women is not widely publicized compared to abusive men who battered their wives or partner.
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The Battered Husband
I have read and heard many cases of battered wives but not of battered husbands. The first time I heard of a case of a battered husband was about 12 years ago when I was still working for Food and Drug Administration in Maryland. A Review Chemist I had supervised confided in me, that the reason he is now divorced is because his former wife has been beating him at least once a month for the last two years. At first, he just protected himself, but after the fourth beating he reported it to the police. The police came to their apartment, investigated and nothing else happened. The physical and mental abuse continued until he finally decided to break the marriage and left his wife. There was a restraining order issued against his wife.
My first reaction was one of disbelief. This man although softly spoken is 6'6ft tall, athletic and very masculine. He has a PhD in chemistry and is very personable and friendly. I ask myself-is this man telling the truth? But the way he confided in me was very convincing and I believe him. The abuse was not only physical but also mental according to him. The guy is about 45 years old and they have no children.
The second case of a battered husband that I heard was just recently in the Philippines. This case is sad and really touched my heart since the battered husband is a close relative of my wife. During one of our many family reunions, I noticed the absence of his wife. I ask him why his wife was not around. He replied "I do not have a wife anymore". I was embarrassed for asking the question and totally forgot about the incident. However, the next day, I was talking to his mom. She told me about the domestic abuse that her son had tolerated for the last 10 years. It was only last year that he told his parents what was going on. They are now separated and have two children, 9 and 2 years old. The children are with him, but his wife has visiting rights. In this case the abuse is also both physical and mental. As in case above, this man is good looking, athletic, very personable, and intelligent. This guy is only 39 years old.
Do you know of a case of a battered husband? Abuse could be either physical or mental or indeed both.
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The face of a battered Man
"Society does not have the right to discriminate against a victim of domestic violence because of their gender".— Roger Eldridge
Another Case of a Battered Husband in the Philippines
A Classic tale of Greed and Marital Disorder of a Wealthy Filipino Couple
In my last posting about battered husbands, I cited two cases that had come to my attention last year. One case was here in the US( a coworker) and the other case was in the Philippines(a relative) The article dated 11/12/12 can be found at this site and on this page above.
This week I learned of another battered husband case in the Philippines. The battered husband is a close kin of my wife. For the purpose of this article, let me call the husband Benjamin and his wife Lola. Relatives and friends of Benjamin oftentimes just call him Benjie while Lola has another name Bu-angit( crazy in Ilonggo).
Benjie's family are rich landowners in Mindoro. When Benjie's parents died, the property were divided into the 7 siblings. But Bu-angit was later able to claim and usurp portions of land supposed to be inherited by one of the sisters of Benjie. The story of Benjie and Lola is a classic tale of greed, indifference, envy and marital discord of a well to do filipino family.
I have met Benjie and Lola and have interactions with them several times during their married life. Lola has a temper, so I was sure that Benjamin was a victim of verbal abuses. Lola several years ago came to visit relatives here in US. On her way home to the Philippines, she had a temper tantrum in the airport. It took a while for her to calm down.
Today, I was surprised to learn that Benjamin was also a victim of physical abuse. Benjamin and Lola have four adults children and several young grandchildren. Both hailed from Mindoro(neighboring island of Marinduque), but decided to reside in Quezon City after their college graduations. Benjamin was an engineer and a business executive before his retirement. Lola was a full time housekeeper and occasionally teaches piano. We know of several friends of the couple and heard of incidents of Lola's temper tantrums. Lola is also known for her erratic behavior during full moon. We did not however have much contact with Benjamin and Lola for the last 5 years, not until last week when Benjamin died of heart attack at the age of 71. We were also informed that a week before Benjie died he was scheduled for heart by-pass surgery. For unknown reasons, the surgery was cancelled. It is rumored that Lola convinced Benjie not to have surgery, because of the costs of the surgery. I feel this is not really the reason, since the couple are very wealthy. They owned lands and two houses in Mindoro as well as beach houses in Batangas and Marinduque and has a good business in Quezon City.
Benjamin had several relatives residing in the US. Last week, a relative( Gilda) flew to the Philippines just to attend for his funeral and cremation services. It was at this time that she learned of Benjie's suffering as a victim of Lola's verbal and physical abuse. The story was relayed to Gilda by the personal caretaker of Benjamin.
The story of Benjie's abuse was relayed by Gilda to my wife and I am writing this story. This is a true story. But to protect the family and privacy of both the late Benjamin and Lola, the names and places in this article are fictitious but the story of Benjamin as a battered husband is true and not a product of my wild and vivid imagination.
Again, as I wrote in my first article on this subject, battered husband cases are not as common as the battered wife cases. But this story confirms that there are battered husbands all around the world, but are too ashamed to seek help when they are still alive. In the case of Benjamin, his case was only known after his death last week. May Benjamin's soul rest in Peace, Amen.
She Beats Her Boy Friend
Knowledge of Abused Men
Do you know of a case of a Battered Husband?
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.
Albert Einstein quotes