Knowing the signs of Abusive Relationships
Signs of Abusive Relationships
What are the warning signs of an abusive relationship? Have you asked yourself this question and can't come up with the answer? You have come to the right place since this site is in dedication and memory of a dear person that was abused for many years. No one ever knew because help was never sought . There was only one outsider to witness the abuse that was enforced, but was just to young at the time to do anything about it. Therefore this site was written to hopefully help someone in desperate need whether relating what one is going through or giving someone the strength to stand up for themselves or just listening.
Most abusive relationships end up pretty messy when you don't seek help or just plainly don't see the signs.
This doesn't make you a weak or bad person just someone that doesn't know what to do.
So, here are some signs see if any apply to you.
Make the decision
Courage, get some!
You can't change your partner from being an abuser. Unless they are willing to get Medical help. Most of the time the abuser thinks they are not the one with the problem. Until they admit that they have a serious problem your situation will only get worse as time goes on.
So how do you make the decision to stop being the abused Victim?
Once you have the courage this will allow you to make that decision.
I know this is probably not the answer you were wanting of waiting for.
only "YOU" can make the decision to stop being abused.
The reason I say this is, victim's are given advice from family and friends all the time.
Most victim's "Hear" the advice but most likely never take it.
The "Courage" comes from only the victim.
Once they have had enough of the abuse, they are most likely to do something about it.
So how do you get that courage? Only YOU can answer that.
Not being Respected
RESPECT determines a whole lot in a relationship.
If you are not being respected by your spouse. Everything else will not fit in.
If the Abuser :
1) Raises their voice at you or over you while you are trying to talk
2) Telling you what you're doing is the wrong way they will show you the right way
( even though you were the first one to show the abuser how to do it a few month's ago)
3) Criticizing you about anything and everything
4) While talking to people the abuser brings your name up about something stupid you did, never anything good you did.
5) Expects you to have a full course dinner on the table EVERY NIGHT. Because it's your duty !
6) Nit-picking finding fault in anything most of the time it's petty stuff
7) Every situation, no matter how seemingly trivial, evolves into a fight
8) Always being sarcastic towards you
Plays Mind Games
Makes you second guess yourself
You are never warned when these games begin. They will often start when you are off guard. That's why you never win and the abuser always does. They come at you hard and fast thus makes you second guess yourself in the end.
Trying to confuse you. Most of the time you can't remember what you did or said because you have so much on your plate of rules you have to remember just to eliminate any spark of controversy.
Abuser's always think ahead
Wants you to have nightmares so you can't sleep.
If you can't sleep during the night, you won't have energy to think the next day. Keeps you weak minded.
Yes, they go that far! They think of every little detail of things they can and will do to you. If your mind is weary and tired you most likely will never catch onto what their plans are and what they are doing.
Some abuser's even go as far as hoping YOU will just kill YOURSELF. How extreme is that?????
How many of you reading this have had thought's to just kill yourself and get it over with? Please.....get that thought out of your head right now and seek help.
No one deserves to be abused by another Human being!!!!!
Can't have Friends!
Do you have any?
There was a time you had many friends. But now, you have NONE. How did the abuser make you get rid of all your friends?
Here are a few examples:
1) Friends calling to much, not leaving time for him/her
2) Friends coming over to much or staying to late.
3) Friends treat them differently when your not around.
4) Doesn't like your friends spouse and wishes you wouldn't try to make him/her get to know their spouse.
Now, you start making excuses to your friends when they call you don't answer, when they come over you tell them you were just leaving, when they invite you to go somewhere, you tell them you have made other arrangements already.
Slowly but surely you have kept yourself away from your friends. If you think they haven't noticed.
YOU are WRONG!
You are unhappy and the abuser is Grinning.
Did you know that Your Abuser Studies You?
So you're thinking, today is a good day and you're being verbally free, just laughing and talking about anything in General. Did you know that your abuser was studying you all that time?
Studying your weaknesses and goes for it. You, in the meantime have no clue of this because he/she is happily interacting and laughing with you.
But then, seconds later, the BOMB drops!
The abuser throws everything back in your face that you discussed a few minutes or weeks before. Except, they have turned everything around by adding things you never said. Once again twisted your conversation.
The abuser has lurked upon. Studying your facial expressions you give off, your body language, your wording and you never noticed, didn't give it a second thought. How and why does he/she go through such extremes to hurt you, degrade you, sadden you? You think, What is wrong with this person? There is never a peaceful time in any day for you. Believe it or not, but the abuser is the INSECURE one.
Walking on Eggshells?
You feel like your walking on eggshells, all the time!
One minute the abuser is happy and loving, the next Loud and mean.
You never know what arouse's the abusive behavior. You're always making sure you don't say or do anything that will trigger the outburst. So, you stop telling the abuser things. You don't volunteer conversation most of the time because it usually back fires on you. Have you even stopped to think that you have turned your self into the PERFECT person doing or saying nothing wrong? Yet, you still get punished one way or another!
The abuser cries after punching you
Your curled up on the floor with black and blue markings all over your body.
Tears streaming done your face. Your body can't stop Shaking and Shivering for all the pain and disgust for yourself and the abuser.
The Abuser just looks at you and falls to their knees in front of you with tears streaming done their face .
Begging you for forgiveness and how sorry they are for hurting you. This will never happen again, EVER!!
So what do you do? You give in and say..." It's Okay"........" I shouldn't have"......."It was my fault"......
Because, you are still afraid and saying these words just might keep the abuser calmed down and there might be a small chance this won't happen again.
WRONG! This will happen again. It will always happen, over and over again.
Emotional and Verbal abuse
Always feeling depressed, stressed, unhappy and tired.
Can't make any decision's on your own?
Can't sleep or sleep to much?
Eat to much or not at all?
You just can't "THINK".
Emotional and Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. It can ware your mind down fast, giving you Low Self Esteem and putting you into deep depression! Once you are there and don't get help. Makes you vulnerable and your situation will only get worse for you.
Is there such a thing as Economic abuse
Holding you back
Economic abuse is when the abuser has complete control over the money and has you on a strict "allowance', withholding money and forcing you to beg for the money until the abuser decides to let you have some.
You aren't allowed to pursue an education or get a job. Wants you to stay at home all times.
Therefore you will be solely dependent on him/her.
Who can you turn to for help?
You not alone
So, who CAN YOU turn to?
National Domestic Violence Hot-Line. Is an Option. Just a phone call away.
Don't be ashamed, don't be afraid.
You are stronger than you think. There is HELP out there. You have to get the Courage that is inside of you to look for it, to get it.
Help is available to callers 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
1-800-799-SAFE (7233) be sure to call!
Control and Manipulation
Feeling Helpless because you are being Controlled
A Controlling and manipulating abuser tends to look like he/she have their act together. To people looking from the outside he/she plays nice and makes them believe they are a loving partner. But, behind closed doors he/she does this:
* Your not allowed to make decisions
* Makes you ask for permission to leave the house.
* Gets mad when you come home late.
* Cut's you off from everything and everyone.
* Strikes tables or walls, or throw objects.
* Telling you what you can and can not wear
Excuses for Verbal Abuse - Alcohol and Drugs
If alcohol or drugs aren't in the picture....then what is the excuse?
Clear mind, I would say that is the worst abuse. So that means the abuser knows exactly what they are doing.
If they were Drunk or High then You would have some kind of answer as to "Why" your being hurt all the time. But then, that will only give YOU the excuse to make for them. Oh....they didn't mean it.....they were drunk/high.
Every Day Life
Life itself is hard enough. The daily pressure of trying to survive it is not an easy task.
Having a job, raising children, paying bills, staying healthy. Are only some of the struggles to deal with.
But, then having someone that hurt's you that is supposed to be loving you is a struggle in itself.
Pretending every day that it will get better soon, is a lie. Especially if you are still there with the abuser.
Feel like a Punching bag
It's so bad, you feel like a free punching bag ? Always receiving the blows, whether they are verbal or physical ones. The punches just seem to keep on coming! Mean, Hateful words coming out of the mouth, just pounding thru your head. Punches stabbing at your body, draining you, bringing you down more and more each minute. You can't fight back because that sort of treatment to another person is just not in you.
Your in total shock that the one you love is doing this to you.
Things you should have prepared if you plan on leaving
Pack together all your necessities
* Put some money away
* A change of clothes
* Make duplicate keys such as house and car
* Birth certificates
* Driver's license or passport
* Medications and copies of prescriptions
* Insurance information
* Credit cards
* Legal documents such as separation agreements and protection orders
* Address books
* Valuable jewelry
* Papers that show jointly owned assets
Have it all ready so when you are ready to leave you can grab and go!
Message for Teens and young Adults
Don't let a person take control of your mind!
Young People , please listen while I give you some pointers about abusive relationships. I'm not an expert just a caring person.
Hopefully you have read and understood all the signs of an abuser that I wrote.
Just because the person is good looking, drives a fancy car or has a pocket full of money. Does not give them the right to mistreat you.
It does not mean they love you. Don't get it twisted.
Loving one another means: kindness, respect, understanding, giving, protecting, gentleness, compassion, nurturing.
It's not a fairy tale. There are people out there that are all of the above. Believe that for sure!
Thank-you for coming by
Please don't leave any Spam on the wall. This site is for Helping abused and Hurting People!
Copyright 2008 Ramona Britman - All Rights Reserved
Your not alone. Tell someone! The more you talk about it the more Courage and strength it will give you.
Please don't Spam the wall. Abuse is a very Serious Subject. This page and comments are for those that are seeking help.
Thank you for understanding.