Tips and Advice to a New Bride
I know, I know, I am not a young bride anymore. I do have 28 years of experience and memories as a wife under my belt, though. Marriage takes work and is not easy in the beginning. Both husband and wife are used to living their way or their family’s way. They bring in their own expectations, and sometimes it is disappointing and/or infuriating.
How many of us gals like things our way? Admit it. We want the house to be a certain way. We want the glasses in the cabinet on the right side of the sink. We want the bed to be made each morning. We want the toilet paper turned with the role going down. Yeah, you know who you are.
As a young bride, you have to pick your battles. Trust me, someday the little things will not matter because you and the hubby will have created your own home and will have started doing things the way you both approve.
Learn from My Mistakes
My husband and I used to argue about how the towels were folded. My mother taught me to fold them long-ways and in a simple square. His mother taught him the tri-fold. It was a silly argument, but we were both trying to figure out how things needed to go. One day, he stopped folding the towels and any laundry for that matter. As a young bride, you might think you have won, but in reality you have lost because you are now stuck with the job of laundry. Do not be such a perfectionist.
One night I was coming home from work, and all I could think of was how I wanted to make burritos with all the fixings – sour cream, salsa, olives, cheese. My mouth was watering by the time I got home. I walked in the door and my husband was standing at the stove. “Hey Honey, I fixed us an omelet tonight.”
I should have been gracious about it, but my heart was set on burritos. Silly young girl that I was, I put up a fuss and complained that I wanted burritos and not his omelet. He threw the pan in the sink, with the omelet still in it, and walked out. Do you know what else? You guessed it, he never cooked again until we bought a grill, which was a few years down the road because we were poor.
Both of these silly situations had long-term effects that I caused.
When you have been married for a while and especially when you have kids, you figure out that it is just nice to have folded towels and any kind of meal on the table. Finally, now he does help me do things but because I nit-picked him in the beginning, he quit doing things for me. I cannot blame him a bit. It was wrong of me to expect things to be my way. When we nag our husbands then later our kids, they give up because they don’t feel they can get things right. So, stop, think, rationalize, and do not create a mountain out of a mole hill.
Be happy with what you have and that things get done at all. Do not worry about the little things. And, again, pick your battles wisely. There is responsibility that goes with being the queen. If you want to keep the status, be kind to the king of the castle. It pays off big time as you grow in your marriage together. Learn how to share. You didn’t marry him to control him. You married him because you fell in love with who he is.
Obviously, my husband and I got over those humps and are still married today. Make it easy on yourself and don’t let the tug-a-war begin.
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© 2011 Susan Holland