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Advice for Nice Guys

Updated on September 29, 2012

What Is A Nice Guy

This is for the "nice guy", no I do not mean a guy that is a nice, and good person. What I am talking about is, the "nice guy" you know if you are one, and believe it or not I bet that if you are not one you know one. So, who is this "nice guy"? and what is he?

Well a "nice guy" is a boy or man who has those nice, unassertive traits in a contextual relationship with a female. You know the one, as soon as a girl says jump he immediately asks how high? He seems to change his whole plan just to accommodate a woman who barely knows his name. He is that guy who asks the girl "is everything alright?" all the time. Is this description ringing any bells? I bet so. Guys he is the pal you have that never gets the girl she always tell him that he more like a brother, only after he has moved her whole house for her. Ladies he is that guy that is really sweet, but just doesn't seem to have a spine. That is the "nice guy" I will be referring to in this text. So what are some problems that plague the "nice guy"?

She loves you like a brother...

"Oh. I love you... like my kid brother." I hated hearing this when I actually got the guts step up to the plate to ask a woman out. I would rather jab a dull spoon into my eye and swirl it around than hear this. I am sure you have heard too, or any number of its variations. To tell you the truth it is not the woman's fault she isn't trying to make you want jump off a cliff believe it or not she is actually trying to be nice, she doesn't want to ruin your friendship but she doesn't want to date you either. *WARNING* Now 99% of all girls are good, honest and wouldn't want to do you wrong in this situation. There are those few that give the rest a bad name. Those ones that lead you one with a touch or a look just because they know you will do their dirty work for them. So they lead you on every other week, and are constantly telling you one of many excuses to not date you, but keep you biting at their hook. You very well may be involved with one of these girls, heed my words, GET OUT NOW!

Source

Jerks > Nice guys??

Ok, do not think that I have never been in the shoes of a "nice guy" and I am only looking to tossing around my two cents. No, I was there. I was a "nice guy" myself for a long time. I know what you guys are going through, I really do. I know you have the girl that you are head over heals for, and you give her anything she wants, and tend to her every need. You to eat ice cream and have long in depth conversations, and you would do anything for her. Yep, I know her, and let me guess, she calls you up crying, Her jerk boyfriend has done something else dumb. You talk to her, listen to her, and give her your advice. Her eyes have stopped flooding and asks why there are no men out there that just are sensitive, caring, and listen to her. Yeah, and as she is talking you are thinking to yourself "I am right in front of you! Don't you see!" but, no you don't say anything like that, before you can say anything she says she has to get going cause jerk boyfriend wants to go make up. You know all that means is he wants to have sex, and so does she. Why? Why does she put up with this brute when you the nice, conversational, sensitive guy is there? Why does she what the jerk? Then you think that the whole female population is all about jerks. Here you are ready to cater to anything her heart desires, but she doesn't care.

^ The above is not true...

I know you are thinking that I am full of it, and I must be a jerk or a woman to say this sort of thing, but it is true! Girls do not always want a jerk. They want a MAN.

I am sorry to all you "nice guys" out there, but woman generally do not think much of you in terms of "mate". What they see in your actions vs. what you see in you actions are completely different. For example, you are going to hang out with your pals and she calls and wants to hang out with you, and out ditch you friends to go see her, and this is the fifth time you have done this. Now you see this as your devotion to giving her your attention and being there for her, but she sees it as you ditching your pals all the time to hang out with her, and she sees it as, if she a girl could pull you away from your friends so easily, how fast would you blow her off for another woman??? She may think that because she can get you to do her bidding you will just as easily manipulated by any woman. Now girls I am not bashing you, we all male and female test each other for certain characteristics.

Also, woman do not want to be the end all be all either. Yes, they like when you check on them to see if everything is A-ok, but when you are constantly worried that you are stepping on her toes or seeking her approval, that is when your efforts go down the tube. A woman likes a man that takes charge, I am not saying that woman can't make up their minds, but they like it when a man has a plan. For example, you ask her on a date. If you ask her then you should have a solid plan and even a back up plan for said date, that way all she has to worry about is looking pretty for you. It reassures a woman that you can not only make plans but stick to them, not only with her, but with yourself and your pals. She see this as good if she is thinking about a future with you, because if you are sticking to your plans now you likely will in the future with her.

 Alan Fisher, World Telegram staff photographer [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
Alan Fisher, World Telegram staff photographer [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons | Source

Jerks vs. Men

This is where both parties are mistaken. First the girls. "Nice guys", girls are just as confused as you when it comes to who and how they like someone. For them it is hard finding the right guy. Now we mentioned above why "nice guys" are lagging, but what about jerks? Women want a man. What is a man? Well there is an endless supply of information on what constitutes a "man", but being one I have to say that a man is a male, that is ethical, moral, and has a purpose. Men who have purpose to tend have a certain calling, a duty, or service they perform. He must perform and carry out his duties to the best of his abilities. He also has a stern moral compass, he will do what he feels he must under any circumstance. whether on the winning or losing team he does not waiver. Now this is where the confusion starts, jerks often impersonate this. They have a "stance", but the "man" is holding him back so he must rebel against society. Or he does what he wants and treats people a certain way because it proves he is his own man. He may fight people to prove he is tough, even though what he is squabbling about is mere junk. Some girls get confused by a man carrying out his duties, and a jerk impostor. Now this is not always the case, some girls just like the fun of the jerk bad boy, but not for the long term, so you are still in luck.

So now what?

So guys, you are not doing anything to terribly wrong, but you can do things better. First of all, start with yourself. I wanted to do this, I tried to be a jerk, player, whatever. It didn't work you end up hurting people and they will resent you for it. If you want to change, and have girls like you, find what makes you unique and be you. Next, come up with your own set of morals and ethics find what you stand for and what you will not stand for. Find out what you believe in and live by it. Now not all girls will come flocking to you if you do this, and you may even lose some if you are unwilling to do something because it goes against your moral code, and they may be angry at you but they will know you are being honest and they will respect you for that. Now that you know that for girls to like, respect and love you. You have have go out and find yourself and like yourself, respect yourself, and love yourself first.

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    • profile image

      Hi 4 years ago

      Noたにやなひゆまあかさひらやかたにやなひゆまあかさひらやか

    • Jordanwalker39 profile image
      Author

      Jordanwalker39 5 years ago from GA

      Thanks, glad I could help out.

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 5 years ago from Singapore

      Right on, Jordan!Exactly. We don't want the guys to tell us what to do, not at all, but we like it when a guy is decisive. Thanks for speaking up for the nice guys! Sharing!

    • Jordanwalker39 profile image
      Author

      Jordanwalker39 5 years ago from GA

      I really appreciate all the feedback and all the input on nice guys. I may have to write some more on the species. haha. Thank you .

    • Alecia Murphy profile image

      Alecia Murphy 5 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

      I think it is harder for some reason for guys to be nice. I don't like jerks in any capacity- so dating or marrying them is not an option for me. But it is amazing how many women like the challenge of trying to change a guy who is not worth their time in a first place. Great hub!

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 5 years ago

      Excellent advice. Nice guys are great men who know what they believe and live it. They are strong and yet caring. Men of integrity. I have one at home!! Great post!

    • vparker profile image

      Veronica Parker 5 years ago from From Mars

      Some guys pretend to be nice, but in all reality they are worse than the so called "bad guys". I've noticed that with these so called nice guys once the reality hits them that you are not interested they have a habit of becoming made,angry or even some times aggressive. I know a lot of so called nice guys who refer to women who don't like him as "sluts," and "whores" . Also they seem to be narcissistic -- a self proclaimed nice guy once told me "that he was the best thing I could ever have."

      That being said their are some genuine nice guys who are worth getting to know.

    • sparkster profile image

      Sparkster Publishing 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      The one thing that stood out to me about this hub is where you refer to the "nice guy" who does everything for the girl without being prompted. According to another article I read recently this is a big no no for a guy if you're looking for a loving relationship with the girl in question. Do this and in the long run she will most likely just want you around so she can use and exploit you because, ultimately, women can be jerks too and given half the chance this is what 90% of them will do.

    • Pop Culture World profile image

      Pop Culture World 5 years ago from United States

      Most women are biologically attracted to a "strong" male character, or someone who is a little dominant. Unfortunately, a whole lot of men these days that have that strong character are just jerks, and not the traditional types that our fathers and grandfathers were.

      The American and Western man of the past was a leader, provider, family man, and protector. With society's modernization, many women wanted to have the same roles as men and sometimes the same jobs. Without a focus and societal structure for the masculine character, a lot of men now just let women be in charge, and others are simply self-serving jerks.

      Ladies, when you find a traditional guy -- a man who is nice yet has the qualities of a leader -- grab onto him. That's the only kind of man that is worth his salt.

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      This is great advice! When a guy is overly nice and accommodating, it suggests he is desperate or has low self-esteem. No girl wants to date a guy like that. Great hub and voted up!

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 5 years ago from Florida

      I really liked this Hub. As a Mother who hopes that her girls will marry a "nice guy", it always amazes me that they will fall for just the opposite! You just can't figure it out.

      I would just say: keep on being a nice guy; some lucky girl will come along and appreciate you for what you are.

      I voted this Hub UP, will share and Pin.

    • Jordanwalker39 profile image
      Author

      Jordanwalker39 5 years ago from GA

      hmmm didn't mean to delete that last comment. Thank you I only hope that my personal experiences are a help to others.

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

      I'm sure many guys will appreciate this article once they read it. They will see themselves in one way or another and hopefully benefit from your words of wisdom.