- Gender and Relationships
A Twenty Year Old Desire ends
Anna was raised in the Philadelphia and Camden County area of New Jersey. She had a rough childhood as well as an adult life but always what she wanted in life more than anything. Anna wanted to be a wife and mother. She did what was necessary to survive as an inner city white female amongst another empowering race.
Anna married shortly after her eighteenth birthday to an older man who knew how to speak only Spanish. She knew enough Spanish to communicate. A mother of three babies by her twenty-second birthday learned how to cook Puerto Rican food and adapted well in her environment. She followed what her husband required of her and took care of the household, this was her life.
The marriage was broken beyond repair and Anna found herself lost once again and having to adapt to life without having her babies. The only thing she knew was that she had to figure out how to get a job and a place to call home. But the only thing Anna knew how to do was to be a wife and mother.
Anna gained inner strength to take on new tastes such as gaining employment at a fast food restaurant which was her first job. She took on many part time jobs in factories as well. Anna did not have many choices because she did not have the required education and skills. She had only one goal which was to get her children. In order to do this Anna knew she had to have her own home and able to provide for her children.
In the spring of 1991, Anna was a single mother to her forth born which was a two year old girl, and without a job. Her luck for employment had ran out maybe because of her not having a high school education.
At this time in her life Anna was staying with a friend who was also a single mother in south Camden. One day Anna’s friend talked her into accompaning her to a visit to Camden County Jail which is in Camden, N.J. People use to stand in the parking lot communicating by using a made up form of sign language. As Anna stood there she watched people doing the sign language and was able to pick it up and began to communicate for her friend.
One day during that same spring season when Anna was walking past the jail with her baby in a stroller as always there were men tapping on the window because a female was passing. She ignored them as usual but for some reason Anna turned toward the windows. She seen a short male trying to communicate with her but she acted as if she did not know how to sign. Anna read what he said and smiled as she still tried to refuse communication.
Eventually she caved and from then on, they were connected. They communicated through letters and visits but never again did they use the windows. After some time Anna broke off the relationship because she got scared of how deep she felt for someone who was locked up.
Anna was confused and scared because she experienced feelings that she never felt before. He was everything that she wanted. But how could a man who is locked up make her feel everything that she wanted. Eventhough, Anna tried to put him in the past, she was not able too.
Throughout the past eighteen years, they have connected a few times. Anna remained scared of her feelings for him yet excited evrytime she heard the sound of his voice.
In February 2010 he found Anna once again. Since then, they have been talking on the phone every night. He is in Puerto Rico and she lives in Pennsylvania. This time Anna will not run scared because she realized he is for real. She has always been in love with him and always will.
Anna feels as if she judged a book by its cover and regrets in doing so because she lost twenty years of being with her true love. They are making preparations to be married.
This relationship was not meant to be, as it seems because the man is the one who backed out of this one final attempt.
Mike wanted Anna to move to Puerto Rico to live with him. Anna will not leave the only life that she knows nor her family behind. She turned down his offer in June of 2010 and neither has spoken again.
Do not let yourself be afraid to love. Allow yourself to feel the ever so desired love no matter if it feels like just a dream or not.You can run from most anything in life but love is something that should be cherished and enjoyed.
You can be a realist and have an open mind as well.