- Gender and Relationships
An open letter to D'Angelo Russell
The 'man code' has to change
Dear Mr. Russell,
This situation with Nick Young and Iggy Azalea could have been handled better and it pains me to watch you try to explain how your video got on the Internet. However, please hold your head up. I'm a straight male who is honestly tired of this male-code and no snitching mantra.
As African-Americans we have allowed this 'code' to decimate our women. For years, men have been lying to women, using them, and abusing them while good men stood by and held the code. 'Brothers' have held onto secrets that have devastated families and homes for generations. It becomes acceptable to hide the truth because who wants to BREAK the code. And we teach young boys that this acceptable from an early age.
This no snitch mantra has allowed criminals to devastate our neighborhoods. It allows men to beat and abuse their children and it allows them to have children and not deal with the consequences. It says that what we do or don't do is more important than caring for others.
As a young boy, I hung out with my older brother who had several women on the side and a wife and two young kids at home. However, to be accepted, I had to keep the code. My keeping of the code ended when I saw one of my older brothers pick his girlfriend up by her neck.
Our man-code says that the women in our lives are no more than objects to be trifled with. It says that they are no more than sperm-receptacles and should be used as such. It says that to be my friend you have lie wit and for me or have some plausible deniability.
This no snitch code keeps poor neighborhoods in fear. It allows terrorist to run our neighborhoods. It allows for the killing of black men every night by unreported violence.
Let's make a new code:
1. My friend does not put me in a position where I have to hurt another human-being!2. "Always, always do the RIGHT thing!3. I, and I alone alone are responsible for my actions. 4. Women are humans and deserve EQUAL respect as such. 5. Real men are HONEST to a fault. 6. Strong men follow an honorable code while weak men lie, cheat and con their way in life.
Real men can and do care for ONE woman. Real men protect women. Real men can satisfy and be satisfied by one woman. Nick Young is a cheater and does not deserve your respect or admiration. Men who do this hate themselves and the women they use. Let's flip the script and make being honorable the new code.
Keep your head up, young man. Remember "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose."