You will almost always find a different answer everywhere you look; however, you are the only one who knows the whole situation. Then, if the communication lines between you and your spouse are closed, it is possible that you don't even know all the components leading to the unwanted behavior.
In my opinion, even as a Christian, there is a time when leaving is the only answer. If you (or your children) are in danger, then I believe leaving is necessary. If the unwanted behaviors are not dangerous, then I believe staying is an option that needs to be carefully considered. I believe that there times that staying causes more damage than leaving would.
All too often, couples separate and move on. One needs to realize that you can work on a marriage from inside or outside the home. If you feel it is necessary to leave, that doesn't mean you have to give up on your marriage.
If your spouse refuses to attend counseling, focus on bettering yourself. I was previously in a similar situation. Through individual counseling sessions, I was reminded of and taught new ways to communicate effectively with my husband. I was sure that things wouldn't change until he went to counseling, however, it took these new communication tools to effectively explain my marital concerns to him. It took some time, but eventually he went to counseling and we were able to work through our differences.
As this is my second marriage, I also know that there are times that things don't work out the way we would hope. I would encourage you to confide in a non biased, trusted person who can provide valuable advice for your specific situation.
My only other piece of advice, would be to be cautious of criticizing your spouse to family and friends. If you do work out your differences, you will be much more eager to forgive and forget than they will be. It can be very frustrating to not only have to repair a marriage, but also to have to do damage control with those around you! Good luck with you relationship.