Why is it that people who hurt you the most are the ones who you love the most?

1. 60

   rikabothraposted 12 years ago

   Why is it that people who hurt you the most are the ones who you love the most?

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2. 64

   PaulPd0posted 12 years ago

   Your care for them or connection with them gives their actions a much larger impact on your life. A T-shirt that is lit on fire probably won't harm you unless you are wearing it.
   
   Even so, I think it is also human tendency to be the most drawn to difficulty and/or drama. If you really try to assess all of the complex thoughts that you have about the simplest of things, you will start to realize that our minds constantly create obstacles and patterns for everything.
   
   So, as this special person continues to hurt you, your brain develops this sort of obsessive pattern of what your relationship or your love for this person is, and sets itself on the most difficult path to take - the one of continuing to love or care for that person.
   
   You really have to force yourself to snap out of an issue like this, and it will probably be a rough time. Try to consider that maybe your physical attraction for this person has somehow bled through after continual communication, convincing you that because you are positive you are physically attracted, then you are also sure of your mental (or spiritual) attraction. This might not be true for everyone, but I bet you nine times out of ten its really a physical attraction laced with a mild sense of companionship.

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3. 60

   lockgirlposted 12 years ago

   It hurts more because you love them, if a stranger had done the same you would brush it off, but being someone you have an emotional bond with it hurts.
   If you liked someone and your best friend went after them you would be hurt and betrayed but if a stranger did the same you would walk away without a thought.

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4. 59

   LittlePaydayposted 12 years ago

   The reason they can hurt you the most is because of the emotional attachment and investment that you have for them.
   If someone you don't know or care about does something "hurtful" to you it's easier to brush of because you don't know the person - it's easier to forget.
   When someone close to you does something hurtful, the impact is more severe.

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5. 61

   ninacrimaldiposted 12 years ago

   Because only the people you love the most have enough of you to break your heart.

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   Seeker7posted 12 years ago

   The answer is in your question - because of that huge big word 'love'. Whenever we love we are always at risk of the person we love hurting us and this is always 100 times more painful than anyone else doing or saying the same thing. When we dislike someone and they say something hurtful we may get annoyed or even angry, but it doesn't have the knife-sharp jab that a loved one can give you.

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7. 61

   Love-Lifeposted 12 years ago

   That happens because the only people who can hurt you, are the only people you love and care about. If you don't care about someone, then they can't hurt you because because you shouldn't care about them or their opinions.

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8. 71

   Darknlovely3436posted 12 years ago

   I often wonder that myself, understanding how the mind work, still puzzles me,

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   onegoodwomanposted 12 years ago

   Those are the people who know you best, understand your weaknesses and vuneralabilties.
   
   Those are the very people who know you, beyond your mask.
   
   
   OH, what I would give..........to be a perfect diamond in the eyes of my husband again............the truth is.........he has seen my imperfections and is  aware of them.
   
   
   In his eyes, I am just me....................he has the power and the knowlege to tell the world.............he will not, for as long as he loves me.............
   
   If the day comes when he no longer does.........he will be a most formidable foe.

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10. 86

    Cardisaposted 12 years ago

    From the way I understand it, one can only disappoint you only by your expectations. That is, If you are involved with someone you know is a playboy, and you expect that they won't settle down, you know that they will not fall in love with you and you agree that the relationship should just be casual, when that person leaves of has another you would already have expected that.
    
    On the other hand, the same type of guy, you believe he has changed, you think he will settle down and that the relationship is serious. When he cheats or leaves you are hurt.
    
    So the same guy, tow different expectations, two different results.
    
    Another example is a person who has been to jail. You know the guy is a thief so when he goes to jail you are not surprised, but if he leads you to believe he has changed or you don't know about his past, when he goes to jail you are shocked. It's you perception, belief or expectation that has been shattered.
    
    In conclusion, when you love someone, you have certain expectations and beliefs. When they go against those beliefs and expectations that's where it gets painful. In most cases they are the ones who lie to us and make us believe in them and expect the most.
    
    At least that is what my Psychologist friend says and I am apt to believe it based on personal experiences.

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