Hmm ... for most of the people, love is conditional and due to this fact, agreements are done between 2 persons, in relation of what they expect from each other. Even though that theses agreements, like I would call them, with some little differences within the population are generally & naturally accepted by everybody, they are intrinsically the same for most of the people in western societies.This is also due to how we are educated & based on what the sets of moral values we grew up with, are built on. Until here ... nothing really new!
But as we are more than just the values we define ourselves through, and that we constantly grow, exception made by some of the many possible pit-stops we encounter in our personal evolution .... might it be that what we expect someone to be, has nothing to do with who s/he is? What yet doesn't mean that this person is a bad one, even though that our system of values makes him/her devilish as soon s/he does not fit with our bill of expectations.
Now the question is, can your partner be honest in that relationship about what s/he really feels and think, even when s/he never would in normal circumstances, break the common agreements? Or is the requirement to be honest to each other just a better way to police your partner because the truth might probably be that you don't even know if you can trust him/her or not?
Has S/he to be who I expect her/him to be or should s/he just BE who S/he really is?
I think that's a crucial question to begin with as the 1st part of the question might make a truthful conversation about each other a bit complicated. Even if Being Yourself is eventually told to be allowed & wanted, it often shows up that this isn't the case at all in reality ...
How flexible are you in your relationship and what do you call being open-minded within your own mutual agreements?
Redefine yourselves with your own sets of values, reinvent yourself, nobody says this isn't allowed, right ;-)?!