I never lie. My entire life has been lived with honesty and sincerity as the main driving forces for my existence.
Friends, family, acquaintances, casual passers by, if they ever thought for a moment that something that I have said was so much as a half truth they surely have been mistaken. You see, I live surrounded by liars, people scheming to get me purely due to feelings of jealousy of my truthful ways.
Mom... when you accused me of lying about the space aliens eating all the cookies from the jar when I was 8, I know that you are in on it. How could you mom, I'm your own flesh and blood!
To previous employers who could not fathom that a person might call in sick for an entire week with the flu and return 2 pounds heavier and several shades tanner... SHAME ON YOU!
To the ruggedly handsome highway patrolman who simply snickered as he gave me a speeding ticket right after I poured my guts out about the life and death battle to the death that I had with a mosquito in my car which distracted me temporarily from the speedometer enough to reach speeds of 85 MPH... have you no shame, does your uniform mean nothing to you?
Ah... who am I kidding, yes, I lie.