RC, FIRST, I am truly sorry about your broken heart! I have walked in your shoes, but, believe it or not, I am STILL STANDING.
I remember when I was going through the most horrible dark zone in my life over someone I was SO in love with. I was in a woman's club at the time, and one of the members said to me, "Whatever you do, KEEP BUSY. Do not sit around and think about it. Go home, clean your house, make your body move."
I heard a woman interviewed on the radio last year who's husband had tragically died. They were a young couple. She said she ran and ran and ran every single morning. She just kept running...that kept her moving. She used her pain to help others, wrote a book about it, which got her on that radio interview.
RC, I have learned, and have made my mantra: "AAA": ACTION ABSORBS ANXIETY.
My heart has been broken more than once...I got rid of EVERYTHING that reminded me of that person, threw away all correspondence, changed EVERYTHING.
I have learned from experience that the best thing in the world is time. My daughter suffered an ENORMOUS heartbreak a few years ago. She would come to my door, sit on my couch and sob. I cried with her. But today, she is 100 per cent better. TIME is the secret. Time is a great healer.
I won't tell you what to do, but please give yourself time to heal. You are in raw pain right now. From experience, I can tell you that you may have triggers: a song heard in a store may remind you of that person.
I read a book about a tragedy, and the author said, "This is my 'new normal.'" Maybe you could look at this time in your life as a new normal...Just a thought. I have no right to tell you how to feel or what to do.
I have learned, from so many heartaches, to make it my purpose to get through just this day...just these 24 hours. PERIOD. And to keep moving...to leave the house to change the energy.
I have a prayer list I go over every single morning, and I will add you to it and pray for you daily.
My heart aches for your broken heart and spirit. Whether or not this helps, these are my thoughts at this moment in time.
Blessings, Sparklea PS: REMEMBER You WILL heal. But it takes time.