I believe we have been sold on not using our mind when it comes to matters of the heart. Many of us just go with the flow and as they see (one thing led to another) mindset. Our relationships come by happenstance. After there is an "emotional investment" and things start going bad we then buy into the old saying "Relationships take a lot of work..." This keeps many of us in bad or dead-end relationships for far longer than we need to be. Instead of trying to change water into wine or fit square pegs into round holes we'd be better off finding someone who (already is) the kind of person we want to be with!
The solution is do some (serious introspective thinking) in order to figure out what you want in a mate. (Actually write it down). Next you have to have the self-discipline to stick to your own shopping list! If you go to the store to purchase an apple but buy an onion instead, whose fault is that? Do you curse the red onion for not being an apple? Being completely (aware) of relationship decisions when you are making them is to act with self-empowerment. I talk about this a lot in my book. My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany). Too many times we blame the other person for (a choice we made!) There is no way to get around that. Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse. Hopefully with experience comes wisdom and we learn to make better choices for ourselves!