In the same vein as the Japanese grandmother, allow me to ask, "if you do all that you can to please your wife or husband, and that isn't good enough, then what?"
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I've been told that "I" meet her needs, but still, I seldom get any thanks or approval, but a lot of "why didn't you do it that way?" and things. Oh well. Praise God anyway.
ChristinS . . .you are so right. And I cannot make anyone LOVE me either. Guess I should just do my best and live with this personal failure.
I appreciate this resonse so much. I have, for years, been a "doer," to make my mate approve of me and love me, but many's the time that I only end up disappointed. You have helped me, tirelesstraveler, and I love you for that.
This book is an excellent read for every married person. How you are trying may not be the way she receives love. It can be very frustrating for both parties when this happens. My love language is giving. My husband is doing thing for me. Helps?
I know 3 guys who are doers their love language is touch. I found out that about my husband when he was sick and I started doing reflexology on him. My Language is act of service and quality time. I want him to eat dinner with me with eye contact.
SmartAndFun, sadly, I have done this, spoken in kind words and honestly, some loud tones, but not profane, and it still remains the same. I hate the axiom, "I can't win," for that is the confession of a self-proclaimed loser. I just want to be loved.
Nicely-said, duffsmom, and I thank you.
You are most welcome Kenneth. If the above question refers to you, I hope you find the right answer and peace.
duffsmom, it DOES apply to me. I cannot do enough for my mate. I work in the house when shes at work. Im not perfect, but my heart is in my work. Seemingly its not enough. And I feel bad. I know that Im to blame. Just want help.
I heard that. And you are also right. I guess I am just going to learn that NOT all that I do for my mate will ever be good enough. Not a deal-breaker, but honestly, hard to deal with at times.
Dear peoples, Im afraid that you are right. Thanks for the honesty.
lupine . . .you are so right. All I can do is all I can do. Thanks for your comment. Take care and love you for that warm response.
Kenneth, another side to this is to love your husband or wife for who they are, maybe they do not know how to show love and gratitude, you may think they are never satisfied but they are in their own way. That's why they remain. You're a great guy!
hi friend, true, but when it means ALL FOR THE PARTNER, and none for the doer or giver, what then?
DDE, thank you, but I have given all I can to this one person. I have not that much of ME to keep for myself. But thanks so much for your input. I appreciate YOU.
The problem in such cases one of the partners often gives more than the other more of a one-sided affair and this can be upsetting and ruins the relationship, glad I could be of help
Thanks, Starmom, you hit the nail on the head. Unfortunately, when I talk to her like this, civil, sane, and quietly, it does no good. So I just need help in accepting that not all women are as nurturing as some. Thanks.
well, I think it's a common-sense approach, & I hope it's helpful-- but I don't know why somebody thought it rated a "vote-down"
Thanks again, Starmom. You are very perceptive. This question was about me. I am ashamed to take this route to find out how I can please my mate. I care for her very much and want to help her in the house all that I can. Its not good all time.