Some women find it a threat to be a submissive wives because all husbands are not fair, good, kind, loving, supportive . . . . Who would not want to submit to a good man? That is so wonderful! Some women must take the wheel because their husbands are leading them on roads to no return. Consider the man who wants his wife to help him run a crooked business. Consider the man who is unreasonably jealous and physically abusive. Consider the man who has had a mistress for most of his marriage. It is easy to be a submissive wife in a "marriage made in heaven." It is easy to be submissive to a not-so-perect-man who is doing his best. The good woman would gladly support him, be there for him.
". . . as is fitting in the Lord" means "Use common sense and submit to husband if it is right," "Love your wives and do not be harsh." Some men do not love their wives, and some are very harsh. So, women standing on the outside and telling others to be submissive need to trade places and get a first-hand education on the matter. All kinds of situations occur in many marriages. How do you tell a woman to submit to a husband who keeps her crying because he won't stop seeing his boyfriend that she just found out about? She is worried about contracting a VD! She is embarrassed that her family and friends will learn that a man stole her man. That kicks a woman's ego to the curb. This is reality. It is happening every day!
Some women think that they know everything about men and are always acting as if they, only, know about submission. Usually these are the main ones who are in the dark about their husbands' infidelities. Truth is truth! We do not have all of these divorces, killing husbands and wives, remarriages, etc because it is fashionable.
While there are some great husbands and wives out there, there are some husband and wife monsters, too.
I am glad that you asked this question because too many "perfect" people ignore the truth and focus on fantasies. Because of the high number of infidelities on the husbands' parts, women are becoming more corrupt, as well. So, men are losing the respect of their women, and pretend that this is not happening. These behaviors kill any chance of submission. Marriages have far too greater problems than submissiveness. The problems must be solved first. In the meantime, the good marriages will enjoy what others have lost track of.