Should a man or woman be forgiven if they have an affair

1. 82

   Author Cherylposted 11 years ago

   Should a man or woman be forgiven if they have an affair
   
   I often wondered if forgiveness was an option to men and women who cheat.  Should they be forgiven if they are doing everything possible to try to correct the situation and are truly sorry for what they did.  Or is that just their cover up being sorry so that their wife or husband will forgive them.

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2. 75

   Frank Atanacioposted 11 years ago

   I think that they should learn from the experience and try to better their relationship. In today's society it's much more difficult to resist temptation, but it can be done. If it happens find out why and then hope to correct the measures, flesh is weak.. but the mind is strong.. so yeah  forgive and learn...

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3. 60

   MickSposted 11 years ago

   No, lack of honour is lack of honour, once it has been given away, it is inretrievable.

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4. 79

   dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

   Each of us is entitled to have our own "deal breakers". Having said that I believe there are instances when one might (consider) forgiving. Generally speaking this would (only) happen if the "betrayed" party knowingly has been (neglecting) the relationship in numerous ways.
   If one neglects a garden it will die. It's that simple.
   Even under those circumstances the popular reaction is to say the "neglected" person should have (communicated) their unhappiness prior to stepping out.
   While I agree with that assessment I also believe communication is a (two way) street. The "betrayed" person should have (communicated) their intentions to STOP having sex, stop being considerate, stop doing all of the things that won their mate's heart to begin with!
   If you had a job where you were having your check direct deposited on the 15th and last day of the month and six months later the 15th rolled around and your check was not in the bank you'd be upset. If you went to payroll and they told you; "We decided to move to a (once a month payment cycle)." Wouldn't you feel like the people making (changes) should have notified you by memo or something? (Instead of waiting to see if you'd react)?
   And yet so many people (stop) doing things in their relationships/marriages and expect things to remain the same.
   Keep in mind there are some people who are incessant cheaters and that is who they are. However if one were to forgive a cheater in my opinion it would be under the circumstances that the betrayed party truly believes had she or he not neglected the relationship their mate would not have been open to cheating.
   “While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions” – Stephen R. Covey

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   1. 82

      Author Cherylposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Well what if the person who was betrayed never did anything different in the marriage.  Gave it their all, was always the same, never stopped having sex, never stopped giving attention to the betrayer but they did it because they were away from home.

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   2. 77

      Moms-Secretposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I enjoy reading your responses.  Nice explanation Dashing.  I have to say that I agree with you.

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   3. 79

      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      As I stated the example I gave is the ONLY instance I could see someone possibly forgiving their mate. If one gave their very best to the relationship and was cheated on it makes sense to end things. Your best is your best. There's nothing else to do

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   4. 82

      Author Cherylposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Married people nine times out of ten dont leave their partners so why hurt someone else because you are feeling neglected and shouldnt you have said that before you decided to have a fling.

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   5. 79

      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Author Cheryl, Cheaters for the most part look to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other needs "on the side". Some people lack the (courage) to walk away from a known present into an unknown future.

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5. 81

   EuroCafeAuLaitposted 11 years ago

   Well, you have pretty much answered your own question.  This could be a test of "can I get away with this in the future".  So judge for yourself whether the apology is sincere and whether you can live with the affair, whether it was a one time deal or a full blown relationship.  No easy answer - though it is certainly relevant.

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   1. 79

      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Your point is valid about the sincerity of the apology. Some people try to "forgive" because they can't handle both the betrayal and divorce/breakup (all at once). It's important to take some time to decide if you can (really) forgive before saying.

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   2. 82

      Author Cherylposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I believe that forgiveness takes time and is not something that happens over night or over six months.  I believe that anyone could pose to give a sincere apology if they wanted the other to feel it.  Forgiveness in betrayal is hard.

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6. 72

   lburmasterposted 11 years ago

   No. My husband and I have an agreement. If one of us cheats, it is over.

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7. 93

   MsDoraposted 11 years ago

   In order to answer "should" a specific someone be forgiven, we'll have to have the details about the person; but generally speaking, a cheater "can" be forgiven.  If he or she deals with the reasons leading up to the offense; if checks can be applied so that it does not happen again, if he or she is repentant, the relationship may even be restored.  Even if the relationship is over, still forgive (to gain freedom from resentment etc.) and move on.

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8. 60

   duffsmomposted 11 years ago

   Lots of possibilities here. First did they get caught so they are sorry because they got caught and have no choice but to seek forgiveness. - or - Did they 'fess up, come clean and say wow I really blew it here.
   
   But...either way, I think if it happened to me, I would leave my marriage, I might forgive him someday, but I wouldn't forget and I think the trust bond between us would be broken beyond repair.

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