Tough situation--each situation is different--but in the end it has to come down to boundaries. We allow who we let in our lives, and in cases like family, we can control our own responses. Setting firm boundaries is not easy--it may be messy--and it sometimes takes time--but eventually it should work. Often times people set some boundaries but then retract or don't follow through. Not only do external boundaries need to be communicated to others but you have to be willing to set internal boundaries within yourself (i.e. I will not allow myself to get worked up and argue with X about Y anymore so if X does Z then I will do A, B, and C). I've had to prep myself emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually before going into situations in which I knew controlling people would try to manipulate. Honestly, its not just people we are dealing with when it comes to control and manipulation--people are often times allowing spirits of control and manipulation to manifest through them so when it feels like a person is acting in an evil way--sometimes they truly are!
We have to be willing to operate in our wholistic nature so that means taking control over our own body, actions, thoughts, words, heart, will, emotions, and spirit and we must be in agreement with own self to set a boundary before we can do it well with another.
Plus, if other family members are involved, there must be agreement in how to respond. If you set the boundary and your husband allows those for whom the boundaries are set to violate those boundaries that's where it also can become difficult.
If I had to pick four key words to summarize: 1. Vision/Purpose (know what you want and why you want it 2. Plan (know what you need to do, action steps, choose ahead of time how you will respond, etc.) 3. Agreement (Your whole self and others involved in setting boundaries must be in agreement with vision, purpose, and plan) 4. Follow-through (be consistent--let time complete the purpose of the boundaries)