How ro make living with a boyfriend/girlfriend peacefully.?

1. 61

   moiponetsokaposted 10 years ago

   How ro make living with a boyfriend/girlfriend peacefully.?
   
   Do's and Dont's of living together?

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2. 73

   minikittenposted 10 years ago

   Each have a well-paying job and keep your money separate, decide housework rota and stick to it, avoid children (thats a separate question) and spend as much time away from each other as possible (full-time job should cover this, just don't spend every minute together).

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   1. 61

      moiponetsokaposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      OH AND THE LEASE ISSUE SHOULD I INSIST ON PAYING SOMETHING SO THAT HE WONT HAVE POWER OVER ME,BECAUSE RIGHT NOW HE IS DOING EVERY THING, LIKE RENT,FOOD,TRANSPORT.

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   2. 73

      minikittenposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Personally I'd say yes.  It's nice not to have to worry about bills or rent but not worth the arguments that can come up, ideally you should half everything or take turns each month.  Money tends to cause the most arguments with most couples.

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   3. 61

      moiponetsokaposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      minikitten thank you very much

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3. 78

   cebutouristspotposted 10 years ago

   Depends on your agreement.  First of all both should be contributing something.
   
   Once you started living together with your bf/gf you will notice a lot of thing differently just like marriage.
   
   Never lose sight of respect for each other.
   
   Am not sure about rent.  But food/utilities should be split.  I agree with minikitten that money should be separate.
   
   Dont forget me time and girl/boy nights out. avoid being possessive.

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   1. 61

      moiponetsokaposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      wow thats hardwork, living alone sounds much better, thanks for the info

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4. 85

   SidKempposted 10 years ago

   I think that being roommates or housemates is the most difficult part of any couple or marriage. I'm writing from 30 years experience with my wife, who, earlier on, was my girlfriend I lived with.
   
   The first thing is to separate the roommate/housemate issues, the financial issues, and the relationship issues. Then deal with each one. (Relationships are a lot of work!)
   
   Roommate/Housemate issues: Are each of you at home and comfortable in the space? Are you also comfortable together in the space? Do you each have the right amount of time in good space alone for your own activities? And do you have good times together at home? If the answer to any of these is "no," then, as Captain Picard would say, "Make it so!"
   
   On financial issues: Minikitten offers one good solution, separate finances. There are others. But if you can't come up with a clear joint arrangement, separate finances is best.
   
   On relationship issues: See my hubs about renewing a marriage with daily gratitude, the 5 Love Languages, and the 5 Languages of Apology. They all work for unmarried couples as well. And they are the best and simplest tools I've found in 30 years of improving a relationship, seeking great tools, and being a relationship coach.
   
   Lots of work, but well worth it for the joy!

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   1. 61

      moiponetsokaposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      yes relationships are really hard, thank you i will read your hubs.

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   2. 85

      SidKempposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Really hard, but, with both people willing to work on them, one of the most wonderful experiences in life!

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5. 80

   dashingscorpioposted 10 years ago

   As long as there are two people left on the planet there will be arguments and disagreements. The biggest problem for most couples is (acceptance) of one another as (is). Another issue is respecting each other's privacy. It's worth having a conversation about your views on privacy before living together.
   Generally speaking there is always one person who is more into having a clean or neat house and another person who puts that near the bottom of their priority list. Another major problem arises when one person insists (their way) is the right or best way to clean or arrange things in the house.
   Oftentimes during dating we ignore our mate's living conditions because we are so focused on being a romantic couple or we "assume" once we live together they will change or compromise. Note to self: People change when (they) want to change.
   Whenever we try to change someone there is usually frustration on our part and resentment on the part of our mate. Ultimately everyone wants to be loved and appreciated for who they are. You have to be honest with yourself before deciding to move in together. Ask yourself if you could be happy with the way (they) live.
   There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. The key is selecting the "right" mate for yourself!

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6. 87

   suzzycueposted 10 years ago

   You need to make him your best friend. Best friends last forever but lovers always part. Best friends will work together through thick and thin. Lovers soon find if that is all they have they soon part.

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7. 38

   edhanposted 10 years ago

   Being past the point of boyfriend / girlfriend since I am already married, I do believe that mutual understanding plus giving space to each other will go a long way. It appears that mostly heated arguments leads to breakup. So, it is the understanding of one another as one party needs to cool off to avoid such incident.
   
   To me, it is always receiving and giving for a long term relationship.

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