Recently AGAIN in the news are sexual harassment issues that all women understand. One of the women coming forward regarding the San Diego mayor's "outed" behavior talks about not wanting to be alone in a room with him. Many of us have experienced men waiting until no one can see to make advances. No matter how small, it creates a very uncomfortable environment. It's difficult to tell someone in power, or an otherwise beloved family member that his actions are making you uncomfortable and you want him to stop. How do we muster up the courage to do that? What has been successful for you?
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Rosana, I took my daughter years ago to a workshop on "touch" and they stated the important fact that you stated. If it doesn't feel right to you, that's all that matters. I think non-assertive women need practice in being assertive. It's a skill!
Marwan Asmar, :) Easier said than done, I think. I DO think ur right that a direct response is best. It gets tricky for women of my generation who were raised to be non-assertive. We don't want to risk insulting the person, so we suffer in silence.
Society tends to tell women it's okay to hit men if they don't like what he "says". However a man is (never) suppose to hit a woman. Truth is no one should hit or knee anyone! Tell them off and walk away. Some men will hit back! I know I would.
Dashing, I took this as a "tongue in cheek" comment. I might be wrong, but with the "swift knee to the groin" phrase and "elbrow drop" plus somethingblue's hubs, I thought this was an exaggeration to get the point across: "be assertive".
This is so close to what I'd answer, I needn't do so! Good work. If a man is imposing himself on a woman, diplomacy is not needed to let him know it's unwelcome.
I'm good with the co-worker, stranger thing, but would you have the same approach with say, an uncle or your father? Billie and I are both wondering how to handle relatives.
Fpherj48. Love it! I like your pluck. Can you pass it through the fiber optics over this way? Nellieanna, here's to the sisterhood. THANKS!
"Nothing disgusts and irritates me more, than a man who simply takes for granted that his advances might possibly be welcomed" Keep in mind men can't read minds! Men are still (expected) to make the first move and risk rejection. It's not about ego.
true - I DO try to smile when I'm being assertive. Thanks Dashing.
MG Singh, ah, the direct approach. Sounds useful. more difficult if this is a family member. That gets very touchy. Some times older men do little things that others might think are cute, yet it makes all the women want to avoid the unavoidable
Sometimes I wish I could be brave enough, when this is done in a room no one can witness, to put my other arm around HIS waist and walk out into the open saying something overtly funny. Calling him at his own game.But Direct n firm is the way to go
Duffsmom... I like that phrase. "What you are doing is making me very uncomfortable." Now for the courage to say it. I simply waited until the person died. ugh! That's a long time to wait!
SD, excellent advise. I think this will be helpful to those experiencing this situation. Any advise when subtleties occur within the family network? Not overt actions-just those make one uncomfortable. I know this happens as well.
Billie, I don't have a good answer for the family question. The thing is, family members will lie and deny everything, so it's frustrating. I had this happen & I confided in my mom, who confronted the person's wife. It was rough going, but it hel
ah, RT, this is totally different. The kind of situation I'm talking about is when a woman is in a room alone w/ a man and he (let's say) starts holding hands or puts his arm around her waist. He does this when he's sure no one else is in the room
So ... you're talking about a blatant outright pass. Men are direct. If I was the woman, I would not be coy about it, so he has to explain or stop. Otherwise, he will see it as acceptable. But, I touch people on arm & shoulder - friendly gestur
RT, the whole indication of inappropriateness for me is this: Anything done CONSISTENTLY and ONLY OUT OF SIGHT OF OTHERS, no matter how delicate (hand holding, a hand around the waist) is uncomfortable and inappropriate.
Some touches & if done on the sly are seen as universally inappropriate. But there are some touches that are not. In those cases, if they bother you, be upfront & most men will not do it again. Some people touch with no ill intent.
Rt, thanks much again.In response to ur very 1st ques. as to why women appear uncomfortable w/ a really nice looking man.I think it's b/c they don't want to be obviously fawning. It's over-compensation.
Re:intent -Women just KNOW which is which.
I believe (most) guys hit on or flirt with women without being "invited". Women still prefer men to make the "first move". Once she lets him know she's not interested that should be the end of it. If she (likes him) she doesn't call it harassment.