Getting married does not promise physical compatibility, but does promise fidelity as one of its major tenets. For better or for worse. You may not have to have sex before you are married to determine how important it is to your partner, but you have every right to probe the mind of your significant other as to how valuable and profound their sexual desires are. If a partner is offended about asking - "HEY - do you look forward to exploring your sexuality when you are married - having a healthy, playful and rewarding time discovering the power of your sexual nervous system?" then you may want to get back to hunting. Out and out - we do have desires, and if a man or woman is not willing to commit to their vows, then they'll have a problem. I suggest telling one's spouse that they are genuinely considering an affair if there are continued failures in this area. At least you're being honest, and if you are afraid of the truth, then why are you married to begin with? It requires bravery to be sexual - let's be honest. Cultures have made it dirty with odd beliefs, failing to answer the question as to why God made it feel so bloody good before he made it a sin. My answer is yes and no, however, it does depend on why one's bride or groom is holding out, and why the other is going out for steak when it is clear that the burger has been ground - no pun intended. Part of marriage is being one, unified and sexually aroused by the presence of one's partner. If this lacks, then their must be underlying reasons - this is self evident. If my wife was sexually abused and I knew this to be the case, then I'd be far less likely to consider an affair than if she is merely frigid - ie. I'd like to get her the psychiatric/spiritual help she needs to enjoy being a sexual creature.Society pressures a great deal of us to marry, however, not all of us are sexually potent, even though we might be intellectually superior, and cognitively healthy. Some folks are asexual by nature. They used to be called eunuchs, and not all of them were castrated. Is it excusable??? Is it explainable. In the end, logic (logos) is accompanied by passion/suffering (pathos). Be reasonable - there are reasons why it is and why it is not excusable. Is it "cheating" or is it being well fed. We ALL have needs, and some of us don't need steak or burgers - that might be a need to avoid getting married due to its age old, and cherished implications. I love meat and potatoes and go vegan @ times.