There are no "gender shortcuts".
People are often frustrated because they would rather believe there is a "one size fits all" approach to men and women. They want to see something in black and white that says: "Men value this in women" or "Women appreciate this from men"
The reality is you have to invest the time to get to (know) them on an "individual" basis. You have to find out what (he) or (she) likes, wants, and expects from a mate. It could be completely different from what your ex wanted. It takes time to get to know someone well.