I believe people who find themselves in controlling relationships allowed it to develop that way gradually. Initially they may have been grateful to have someone "take over" things they did not enjoy doing or they considered it to be thoughtful and endearing when they were given gifts of clothing.
It's not until later they realize the reason he/she does it is because they see you as a (project) to be molded or "their way" is the "right way". One gets tired of second guessing every thought, decision, or act in order to avoid an argument. You have to "be yourself"
My ex wife (note: I said ex) would complain about not getting help around the house. At one point we hired a cleaning service that claimed to also clean Bette Midler's house. My wife fired them after two weeks! The bed sheets had to have hospital corners, towels needed to be folded a certain way, a toilet was not clean unless you used you bare hands with a soapy rag, (a toilet brush would not do), and the list goes on.
Naturally sex only took place whenever "the mood" struck her. After a certain amount of rejection a man gives up. By the time we went into couples therapy I was mentally and emotionally divorced from her. It was nothing more than a box to check off on the road to divorce.
Like attracts like and opposites attracts divorce attorneys.
People don't change unless (they're) unhappy.
There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Stay or move on. The choice is up to us!