If you observe something you consider to be a "red flag" or potential problem in a relationship is it an automatic "deal breaker" for you? or Do you take a wait and see approach? or Do you find you only acknowledge "red flags" in (hindsight) after a relationship has ended?
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Dr Billy Kidd, I appreciate your answer. Imagine you were dating someone who told you they would meet you for dinner but you didn't hear from them until the next day. The excuse given didn't (sound) true. "Deal breaker" or "red flag"? hmm
dashingscorpio, I really like the way you can analyze things!
Say that I'm dating someone and they forget about our dinner date: the first time this happens and there's a hallow excuse ...I used to consider it a red flag, but today I want the truth.
Dr Billy Kidd, You are one brave soul! :)
Most people under those circumstances would rather believe a lie than press for the truth. "The truth may set you free but first it's going to hurt like hell." Some people try too hard to avoid the truth.
Sometimes a perceived "red flag" turns out to be a harmless case of miscommunication or misunderstanding. Anyone who has been hurt before is likely to automatically distrust someone who reminds them of a past situation. Thanks for your answer.
I agree it's probably best not to have an itchy trigger finger. Waiting to see if there is a pattern before making a decision is wise when observing "red flags". However as you stated a "deal breaker" is a "deal breaker". :)
A lot of folks give people "the benefit of the doubt" early on or try to adapt when they're attracted to a (new) person. Thus the adage: "Love is blind". They see what they want to see. "Red flags" are often (differences) that cause issues later.
simple as that as right-it is matter of making good choices in the journey of life.
I know a man who used to get angry too often. Since I didn't like it, when he was angry at me I walked away. Next time I saw him I was warm - ignored the anger, but discussed the trigger. He doesn't do that anymore, either with me or others.
"All I'm saying is I had some of the best times with some red flagging deal breaking people!" Elearn4Life you sound like a courageous risk taker! :)
Thanks for your answer!
I've been friends with a person I would never marry for over 30 years. They are just as irresponsible as they were then. I agree that people looking for real love avoid these types; they rarely change.
C.V.Rajan; This is a hypothetical question. I'm curious to know if the average person considers "red flags" to be automatic "deal breakers" or if they view them as "potential problems" they should keep an eye on.
a balanced view from you as usual C.V. Rajan
My first reaction is almost always to see what it is in me that labels it a red flag. If I don't like that part of myself, I change it and all my relationships are affected. I expect the same from him, knowing that he can change too, if he wants.