In more detail: If your coworker/friend was frequently late for work because of an extramarital affair, would you tell your boss? You have reason to believe that doing so would cause the offender to threaten your job. Would you tell the spouse who is also your friend? This would almost certainly result in an immediate divorce. Do you consider the potential impact on the lives of the couples' children before making your decision? How would you go about telling the boss/spouse? How would you protect yourself against possible retribution from the offender, your workplace, or the family?
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Yeah, it's hard to know how someone is going to react. Linda made a good point about being exactly sure that your info is on point. I think that's critical. Personally, I know I would want to be told, but then again, other people react differently
I believe some people suspect their mate is cheating but don't want it "confirmed" because once it's "out there" they may feel forced to save face by ending a relationship they really don't want to end. For some folks ignorance is bliss.
@DS: yeah, sadly, I also believe this to be the case.
Yeah, I agree it is very hard, but if you are close enough friends to care about their well being you should tell them.
I have a friend whose relative did that for my friend's mom. The mom SAW the evidence and still carried on as if she was never cheated on, denied it, never confronted her hubby or ANYTHING! I'm still shocked about that.
Oh man that's nuts. Either way, you have to think she'd be more likely to believe a professional detective than what would otherwise perceptibly amount to hearsay. I think this is a great, if expensive, route. E10, sorry that happened, no fun.
I fully agree with you Luke and Peter565. In that particular woman's case she and the hubby remain married.
Yes, they are still married. I guess they take the til death do you part phrase seriously. If I were her and saw the evidence, I would have gotten divorced and moved on.
Yeah I like this answer too... I guess it depends on your relationship with the offender and the victim. Really a quandary.
Great answer Rebekah, I think this is what I would do as well. Thanks for your help!
I agree with you. The father of my children was with many other women, and a few of our friends knew. No one told me. I was devastated. Finally, the truth came out. My whole marriage had been a sham. My grown offspring want nothing to do with him.
@ET: I've had many gfs cheat on me before, and that sucked, but I am certain all that combined doesn't even resemble anything remotely close to the depth of betrayal you have encountered. By everyone. A lot to ponder here. Thanks for sharing.
Yeah I've been runnnig through the scenario in my head with different couples I know. My actions depend heavily on the personalities of the couple and my relationship with them. There's definitely not a one-size-fits-all solution here. Thanks!
I think this is generally a good plan, but my friends get pissed off when I apply this tactic some of the time. I like people to be very honest and upfront with me. Some of my friends do not agree. I think this need ad hoc evaluation.
Oh man, that's a horrible story. I can't imagine how that must have sucked. People need to learn not to shoot the messenger. Thanks for the real world insight @BizWhiz.