What is worse? Being in a physically abusive relationship or being constantly ch

1. 81

   Jade89posted 8 years ago

   What is worse? Being in a physically abusive relationship or being constantly cheated on?
   
   I agree that both are bad but what would you view as a worse "pain" (obviously not physical pain but heartbreak or hurt).
   Being in a physically abusive relationship with a otherwise faithful partner
   Or being in a physically affectionate relationship with a promiscuous partner who had numerous affairs or at least one ongoing affair while you were together (so not one one night stand mistake - constant cheating)?

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2. 68

   Michaela Osieckiposted 8 years ago

   I would say a physically abusive relationship is worse, because often people end up being mentally and emotionally manipulated into dealing with the abuse/not ending the relationship.
   
   Being cheated on constantly sucks, but you also still have the capacity to make a sound decision about the future of the relationship.

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      Jade89posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      True. Thanks

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   ChristinSposted 8 years ago

   I think both are equally hurtful to the recipient of those behaviors, however physical abuse is by far the most dangerous as it tends to escalate over time and is usually accompanied by emotional abuse and manipulation.  Physical abusers scare their victims into remaining with them and it's a whole lot more complex than a serial cheater. 
   
   That being said, there is no reason any person should stay with a partner who lies or abuses them.  Sadly, there is a lot going on beneath the surface with both women/men who are victimized by their partners and often it isn't as simple as just saying "walk away".

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      Jade89posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      That is absolutely true. Having experienced both I know for a fact it's not as easy as most think to just "leave or that you shouldn't tolerate it". It is a lot harder and complex and I think no-one can understand or judge unless they've been there

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   dashingscorpioposted 8 years ago

   
   
   Clearly having someone beat you across your head is worse than someone pulling a disappearing act to be with another. However we also do live in a time where there are STDs that are non-curable as well as AIDS which could lead to death or alter one's life.
   Hopefully both physical abuse and cheating would be "deal breakers" for anyone who has a decent amount of self-love and self-esteem.
   We live on a planet with over (7 Billion people) on it!
   Each of us gets to (choose) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
   We get to (choose) who we will spend our time with.
   Odds are there are more than a few people who would make an ideal mate for each and every one of us. It would be a shame for anyone to believe that the scenario of being physically abused or cheated on is the best that they can do. There are better options!
   When you love yourself you have "boundaries" and "deal breakers".
   And by that I don't mean making demands on someone to "change". It's about (moving on) as quickly as possible when you recognize this is not the type of person you want to invest your time and emotion on.
   "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
   - Oscar Wilde
   If someone is physically abusive or cheats on you then they don't think you're all that "special". One man's opinion!
   Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself
   The world may not owe you anything but you owe yourself the world!

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      Jade89posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Very true. i think though there are stuff that holds us back from "moving on quickly" - considering the kids, financial issues, second chances etc. Making it out, I know how hard it is but I do acknowledge that it is possible. Yes YOU CAN DO BETTER

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      dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      That's true especially if one focuses more on the "obstacles" rather than the "rewards" of making a change.
      'If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse." - Jim Rohn
      There's always an excuse to stay

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   Jewelsposted 8 years ago

   This should not be an either/or decision.  Can they be separated?  Physical abuse brings with it bruising and broken bones AS WELL AS mental anguish.  Emotional abuse (by being cheated on) or worse, has the mental anguish which eventually leads to physical illness.  So which ever way you look at it, you are splitting hairs finding a better option!
   
   Unfortunately the abuse is self inflicted if the victim cannot get away from the abuse.   That's a hard pill to swallow but it's a mental affliction that keeps them in the abuse - fear of reprisal if they leave is the same as staying and being abused.  Fear is a terrible affliction.

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      Jade89posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, I agree. It's also emotional abuse and manipulation that keeps you there. You get convinced that things will change. You get convinced that it's your fault too... Ultimately UNTIL YOU break away you can never be free

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   fpherj48posted 8 years ago

   Basically, since being beaten and being cheated on are both certainly actions of abuse, you're asking which is worse??   That's pretty much akin to asking someone if they'd rather be blind or deaf?  The clear emphatic response by a rational, mature adult should be  "Neither, thank you."
   "People treat us how WE ALLOW them to treat us."(anonymous)...Personally, I would not remain for one second after being abused by someone who professes to love me (and someone I have chosen to love).   Obviously one or both of us have made a grave error in judgement.  Get out NOW.  Go, leave while the gettin is still possible.  Do not look back.  Be proud, be safe, be smart.
   
   It would be wrong and senseless to continue on in an abusive relationship for any amount of time with anyone.  To be quite frank, this should be a simple no-brainer. 
   
   There should be no reason to choose between the lesser of 2 evils.  Period, the end.  We ALL have a right and a need to love, respect & cherish, as well as receive these gifts.
   Abuse in any form should not and cannot be accepted nor allowed.
   I cannot emphasize this strongly enough......or perhaps I HAVE,  I surely hope so.

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      dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      "People treat us how WE ALLOW them to treat us."(anonymous) Some people mistreat everyone!
      Seriously it's not so much about (them) as much as it is (us choosing not to spend time) with those we dislike.
      No one is "stuck" with anyone.

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      fpherj48posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Amen.

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      Jade89posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Yup I totally agree. I've experienced both too. I stuck around throughout the physical abuse hoping it would get better BUT only once I found out about the affairs that I got a divorce and left. There probably is a connection - I just didn't know it

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      fpherj48posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Jade...So good that you finally do know.KEY mistake = "hoping it would get better." We hope~but it never gets better, it cannot & it will not. It CAN however get worse..even fatal. The message will always be. LEAVE. GET OUT NOW! Don't look back.

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      Jade89posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Yes Paula. You definitely are right. Knowing from how I felt at the time I can confidently say though that it doesn't feel that way when you're still in. When you're out it's easier to say GET OUT. But when you're in it just doesn't feel that easy.

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      dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      People in general HATE starting over!
      I know people who hate their jobs but don't send out resumes! Staying and hoping (he) changes is "easier" than for (her) to change. When we change our circumstances change.

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      Jade89posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Now that is 100% accurate! It is the hardest. It's like fear of the unknown.  And leaving on it's own poses so much challenges especially when you have a child or children! Then there's custody, maintenance etc to worry about

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   Besarienposted 8 years ago

   Both are terrible. If either becomes the case, leave immediately before you suffer serious harm. If someone deserves you, then they won't cheat and won't raise an angry hand. Never stay in a bad relationship. You want to be free, healthy, and emotionally ready when the right person turns up.

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      Jade89posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Yeah you're definitely right. Thanks

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   aliasisposted 8 years ago

   Being in a physically abusive relationship is worse, period. It seems offensive to me to even suggest that having a cheating partner is anywhere on the same level as that.

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      Jade89posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Having experienced both, I don't see it as offensive. I stayed through physical abuse finding ways to justify it. But for me cheating was the ultimate betrayal leading to my divorce. I saw that over the abuse as my husband saying he did not love me

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   DDEposted 8 years ago

   Both are bad but someone physically abusive toward another is more than the other.

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      Jade89posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Thank-you!

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    YvetteParkerposted 8 years ago

    Both are equally bad as both can lead to death. Do not tolerate either. It's important for those in either situation to know and understand your value and worth. Once you fully understand that you are valuable, you will not settle for anything or anyone who does not add to your value.

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       Jade89posted 8 years agoin reply to this

       That is exactly the case! It's sad to think that you could be in a relationship where you think that you are loved only to find out that not only were you cheated on but you now have a lifelong disease to deal with as a constant reminder

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    J - R - Fr13m9nposted 8 years ago

    Both are equally emotionally draining. Both scenarios are indeed different, yet both are tragic. I cannot speak of which is better or which is worse. Individuals who have experienced either or have their own stories to tell if they so choose. Analyzing this question and coming up with an either or answer does not suit my outlook. I feel that both situations need not be competing with each other. Each situation is equally worse.

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       Jade89posted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Thanks!

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