I know there is no honor amongst thieves, so to speak, but should I be upset that a former friend of mine has hooked up with my mistress. I feel that I am in love with her, and have entertained leaving my wife for her. However, she is from a lower economic strata than I am and has two children 11 and 8. I would love to be their stepdad, but wondering if entertaining the thought of ever being with this woman is foolish in light of what I have indicated?
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This is great advice.
i have no kids...the other woman does though...but you are right....it still hurts...
I misread your statement. It was the mistress with 2 kids. Nevertheless it would be a major change for you to step in as a father children figure & take on those responsibilities.
If you want out of your marriage leave with or without mistress
Take on the responsibilities of children?! He's the child~& he's certainly not been responsible 2 marriage, or have respect 4 his wife. It hurts? Aww. Have any idea of the utter pain U could cause UR wife if she were 2 find out? U'RE a loser.
James, My guess is very few people on their wedding day (plan) to cheat on their spouses. Those who do are probably "unhappy' about something they feel doesn't rise to the level of getting a divorce. I suspect people cheat for different reasons.
People cheat Bcuz they R deceivers, self-absorbed, insecure, immature, inconsiderate, frauds or plain old snakes R those the "different reasons" U mean?Unhappy? Communicate, seek counseling, work on UR relationship OR split up! Don't cheat!
I'm with Paula. If you're unhappy in your marriage, either make some effort to make it work, or split up. Cheating is just being a pathetic lying coward.
Thank you Tamara for a non-judgemental answer. I appreciate it.
Nice job blaming the single woman, when the married man is the one who is cheating.
I had a bit of a chuckle over that myself.
A chuckle? I laughed right out loud!! TW...HUH? This "married man" is pissed & confused Bcuz his buddy is sleeping w/ his MISTRESS! Hello? I REALLY hope U read this all wrong. Otherwise how do U give him permission to be angry?? Say, "Oops!"
Thank you for your response, Paula. I am a work in progress. Coming here and getting honest feedback is truly helping me, and I hope for others to grow. We all have issues. What are yours?
Yes, we all have issues, no doubt. I'm not in the habit of discussing anything about myself w/ total strangers.If U stay here as a writer, U'll get 2 know us all.Reading a writer's work will surely tell U a lot about them, if U're "interested."
Yes to all you said. I am devastated though. I know I have no right to be. I wish I never met her.
Thank you! I have been working on focusing on marriage.
I am so proud of you Hermit ! You know you are not the only one who have experienced this situation, I am sorry maybe some counsel here was pretty bruttle, but if that what it takes
Let it be. May your logs burn in love more deeper then before.
Paul I love your comment "fantasy not a reality " fantasy come and go and reality is stability that you created togather, history , backbone, no one can take mentally what you have accomplished togather, but people just might throw it away,100/20
thanks! we must learn that love is very patient... along the journey of building the relationship between couples, patience is the key to achieve harmony... we cannot fix differences in an overnight tackle but, it takes years of patient adjustments
Morality is exactly what's wrong in the world today, to many people want to throw it out the window, well the problem with the question is he is applying moral to his friend ,when he has no right .he is married. So you are wrong.
Having principles & good morals will help a friend form crossing certain lines in ones life time.
Wrench Mink made a vow before God to love and be faithful to his wife .he did this himself.
He owes God for the payment ,he owes his wife because he promised.
We all know a man word is his bound. Can we respect one who renigs on promises ?
Obviously, God gave Mink the libido so that one man could repopulate the Earth if necessary. Furthermore, the OP's question is not about morality. But your passion is to proselytize, and that is well with me.
So you are teaching him to think with the wrong head.
That's backwards. NO !can you accept wrong from right !
You are wrong .that's all to it Wrench !
A man "is" what is in his heart. He grows tired of one woman and seeks another. U cannot change his shape. U can only help him to become a better liar. Better for him to be unmarried, to unchain his libido, and to sow the wild oats.
Wrench in famies where the Father raises girls instead of boys what do you think he teaches them what he knows and how to protect his young women.Your knowledge is not secluded to malesThere are women very educated mentally and physically about men
Don't take this advice unless you want to end up in the same miserable place you are now. Why keep repeating your mistakes? Time to grow up.
I would agree with you if he had specified that his wife knew about the mistress & was ok with it, but sounds like that's not the case. Once you're "stuck" in a traditional marriage you either get out or your "happiness" hurts someone else
But with my friend? Out of all the guys she could have met!? Lol but yes, ultimately you are right. I am just heartbroken. I need to repair my marriage.
Well Hermit you can see , at lease he did no bother your wife . he does have limits. Its just we dont want people having whats ours, past or present.
And learn from it , he is not your friend.
But it could have been worse.
Hello ... The fact that she is sleeping with you while you are still living with your wife is a dead give away (Not separated). You shouldn't be surprise that she will sleep with your friend too.
It's probably her way of filling her emotional void.
"Don't ask a woman for advice when it comes to ____" is such a condescending BS statement unless the ____ is "shaving a beard" or "efficiently washing your penis."
I fail to see how the truth is "condescending". It is a simple fact that women as a rule idealize sex and love, and prefer the fantasy that both can be one and the same. But the divorce rate tells a different tale.
Mr Wrench I really think you are the bias one making a statement don't ask a woman about cheating, Men and women cheat ,it's still wrong and a betrayal of loyalty to your mate you made a vow to before God.
If you promise or make a vow you pay .
KT,the OP's Q is not about morality. I lived inside of a woman for 9 months, and I am also a past master at the art of seduction. I am far more qualified to speak to such issues than a chaste woman who has never lived inside of a man..
no I haven't lived inside of a man but you don't have to ,to do the right thing I must say your example is not valid , woman was created from a man.So its still not right.
Next just because you own a weapon does not mean you have the right to shoot
Right! What he needs 4 his "healthy" libido is a new horse & saddle & a stash of porn! Oh & don't forget the step ladder! U GO boy! U may even find a cow more attractive. U should really stick w/ UR own kind. Try a pig. Take UR antibiotic
...I'm sorry. Are you suggesting that living in your mother's womb somehow makes you more qualified to comment on sex/affairs? This is getting twisted.
Also not sure why you're assuming any one/all women are "chaste".
The comments suggest female respondents here are chaste. Both M and F parasitic retain the memory of the mothers emotional state. It is possible 4 the male, being opposite, to recall the distinction. Females, being in harmony with the host, cannot.
Oh well gee, how can I argue with someone who clearly understands a woman's emotions so well having lived in a woman once. Never mind the fact that I actually am a woman.
The condescension is strong with you.
As a rule, Men are easily manipulated with their penis, and Women are easily manipulated with emotion. Emotional advice is worthless to a womanizer. I am trying to help the man. What is your purpose? To defend the indefensible?
My purpose is to tell you that saying "don't listen to anyone with a vagina" makes you sound like a dick.
Not true. A woman is the crown of creation. I listen to women on matters they are qualified to address. In fact my success with women is directly related to my willingness to listen. Do not be deceived by my candor, I am your champion!
Wrench you are so egotistical and funny lol!
Oh and clearly you are the authority on which issues women are qualified to address. Which other issues would you say women are not qualified to have opinions on?
TYKT, During a time of crisis, sometimes Ego is the only thing that can stop the bleeding. If a man does not believe in himself, and love himself, it is not possible for him to love, or to believe in something greater.
Wrench Thank you for that complement ! Now you have said something I can agree too!
A, Don't know, as I haven't given that much thought. But when a woman asks for honesty she often means: "Tell me what I want to hear". The only way a woman can escape gender bias concerning affairs of the heart, is to die, and to be reborn as a man.
And you've decided that you are immune to gender bias due to the knowledge of female emotion that you gained in the womb. How convenient for you.
A, Facts of Life: A woman is not qualified to advise a man on such sexual matters Neither is a man qualified to counsel a woman concerning the same. Education alone cannot provide such insight. Because of your female emotion, U have missed the point.
Really? Personally I would value both the male and female perspectives in this kind of situation. I think both can provide insight and value. I have not missed the point - I think your point is needlessly dismissive.
Wrench now we come to a disagrement. I think you believe that about women because of your up bringing .
But I should inform you that is not the case in other homes.
There are women Doctors that can tell you more about your body then you know.
The greatest science is to become the subject and study from within. We cannot "know" a man or a woman from a book; from without. Education in this regard is irrelevant. I know the subject as I am within. Who has multiple existential perspectives?
Wrench admit it if you needed medical help you could not give to yourself and the closest doctor available was a woman
Guess what you would want her to save your life.
True we all know things about ourselves. But we do not know everything.
My opinion is focused on extra-marital affairs. Only God can save my life. Human can only prolong it. I prefer being handled by a female doctor. Usually more pleasing to look at and also smell better. Overall, I don't like men. Too arrogant