You may want to talk to a counselor yourself (not for therapy but for a professional opinion about what you're living with), because it appears to me your husband doesn't need "help". It looks to me like you're one of the many women with a husband who shows his bad side to his wife and family but not to strangers. Whether or not you're the victim of psychological/emotion abuse/exploitation is not for me to guess, but I think you may want to run your situation by a counselor and ask if it's your husband who needs the help. "Loving himself more than someone can imagine" is a sign that he's a narcissist, and abusive husbands (whether "just" verbally or emotionally abusive or physically abusive) tend to be narcissists.
Women who are victimized by husbands often justify/rationalize the bad behavior by believing the husband is stressed or depressed or needs help.
I'm not guessing about whether you're the victim of psychological/verbal/emotional abuse; but that's why I've suggested you talk to a counselor. There's at least the chance you're in so deep you can't really see what's going on. There's a really good chance your husband doesn't have two personalities. He may have one, narcissistic, rotten, personality that he hides when he thinks he should hide it and doesn't bother hiding when he thinks he doesn't have to bother hiding it.
Maybe he has some good reason for not kicking in with the house payment (maybe he's got depression or can't earn much?), but there's no excuse for treating you or the children with a rotten attitude and for not acknowledging what good you do.
So, I think you should start with a counselor who can help you identify whether you're the victim of psychological/emotional abuse; and then who may be able to help you figure out from there what you may be able to do.
Women so often are "understanding" or "give people the benefit of the doubt" or "don't expect a husband to always be perfect". It's in a lot of women's nature, and that's what gets them into bad marriage situations and keeps them there.
If you can't afford a counselor, think about looking for an agency or even an established church in your area where you could talk to someone about what you're going through.