Relationship Issues

1. 51

   mblandyposted 14 years ago

   Relationship Issues
   
   My boyfriend & I for 14months are on the verge of breaking up.  He wants to break up because I want marriage & he is not ready, he’s 44 I’m 36.  He felt pressured & now having second thoughts about us because he said I get cold and close out when we have arguments, & also that we have two strong different opinions on things.  But instead of breaking up right he suggested that we should take a month break off to think things through. I’m not sure if he's sincere about this or just using the tme. Is he really over me? I dont want to loose him. Please help me,  should I talk to him now?

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2. 0

   reeltaulkposted 14 years ago

   Well at least you let him know where you stand.  If that is what you want, stick with it......Don't settle for anything less.  Being away from each other may bring you guys closer in a stronger way.  Maybe the distance would be good, but will only be worth it if things get better when you two get back together.

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3. 60

   ImperialPCsposted 14 years ago

   I hate to say this, but if he's asking for a break, there's little to no chance that you guys are going to make it. 
   
   You are going to have to make a few decisions.  First and foremost, you aren't going to be marrying this guy.  He won't come around.  So, you have to decide if you are going to let the relationship end because you NEED to get married, or if your going to stay with him in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship without the possibility of marriage.  If you truly love this man, I'd recommend sticking it through. Sometime down the road, he may come around.  Are there reasons that he doesn't feel ready?  Maybe you two can talk through these reasons.  Just don't push.  Guys hate to be pushed or rushed.  You should really be thankful that he's come clean as to not being ready to be married.  Many guys won't discuss matters of the heart.
   
   Take things a bit slower.  14 months isn't that long of a time.
   
   It sounds like there is a bit of a communications breakdown between the two of you.  Try talking to him without involving the emotion.  Things need to not get heated or hurtful. 
   
   I hope that things get better for you.

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4. 51

   mblandyposted 13 years ago

   Thank you ImpercialPC for your inputs.  Your opinion is great as they seem reasonable and valid. My bf and I are back and together again after over a week separation and when i feel good again to talk to him we talked. I realized that it was not fair to give him the ultimatum (although we are somewhat with age - he's 44 and I'm 36) and if we want family we shouldnt wait esp that we are gret together as a couple.   As far as reason why he wasnt ready - he did not really said a specific reason why but just said to me he's not ready yet and did not feel the need to rush. I did not understand because we love each other and enjoyed being together, and he seemed into me and our relationship. During our discussion he did say that he will propose this year and did not know why i feel the need now, and said what difference does it make? anyways, we're back, the bond is more stronger this time and he's making more effort making me feel secure he wants to be together; there is no doubt we have such great connection and chemistry and love is truly in the air, but for some reason because he's never been married , i cant help to feel sometime if he really meant it or does he have fear of marriage? And he doesnt like it when i doubt him so i tried not to make a fuss of it.  Your input againon the entire situation is appreciated!
   MB

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5. 80

   dashingscorpioposted 13 years ago

   First of all 14 months is only slightly more than a year of dating!
   Sometimes it takes people a good 2 years to really get to know a person. A lot of times people make the mistake of making a "commitment" during the "infactuation phase" of a relationship.
   They don't know how the other person handles stress or disappointments in life (especially those coming from their mate)
   You have to go through a little adversity with someone in order get the full picture of what you're dealing with.
   Dating for 2 years is about long enough to find out if this is a person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
   After 2 years maybe you get engaged, set a date for 1 year out and spend that year living together. This will give you an idea as to how household chores would be handled as well as sexual compatability. Does the frequency and quality drop significantly?
   You want to do all you can to make sure you're making the right choice. Jumping into a marriage and then trying to "fix it" after the fact is big mistake. The real "work" is in selecting (the right mate). Once you've done that the so called "work" in a marriage is more akin to a "Labor of love".
   
   You need to ask yourself "Why is getting married so important to me?" Do you want to marry HIM because he's "Mr. Right" and you're "Madly In Love with him" or is it because you're 36 and just want to get married?  What is the upside for him?
   Is it a security issue? I'm sure you are aware the divorce rate is near 55%, Saying "I do" does not mean "forever".
   
   With regard to a "Trial Separation" it's really a "practice breakup" without the drama of a messy break up.
   You'll see each other less and less, talk to each other less until one day they say, "I think it would be best for us to move on with our lives". By now the "shock" of breaking up is gone and usually it's a forgone conclusion before "the talk" even happens. I once wrote a blog about this.
   http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/tria … ky-558691/
   
   The next step for most people is seeking "Closure".
   Personally I think it's overrated. Ultimately the goal in life is to find someone who loves and adores you for who you are! In case you want to read my take on closure see below.
   Best of Luck!
   http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/quot … nt-549052/

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6. 57

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