At some point if you can't take it you just have to say something to him/her.
Make sure to still be compassionate as probabaly they will be offended no matter how nice you put it. Be honest, candid and have real examples ready for the question "What do you mean?"
Address the behavior no matter what and don't try to insult your spouse as a persan and try to make sure to talk about how it negatively impacts you. Also, be ready to offer some suggestions.