Dating for 7years, two kids, and still no marriage. What should I do?

1. 61

   Blessed25posted 13 years ago

   Dating for 7years, two kids, and still no marriage. What should I do?
   
   Hi Veronica,
   I am 25yrs old and a mother of two. I have been in a relationship for 7years and living together for 6years. My boyfriend proposed once I had our first child but we were still young. I am at the point in my life where i am ready to take the next step in our relationship. I feel that now we are older and more prepared.  My boyfriend tells me he wants to get married but finds a way to continue to post pone planning. When I ask about setting a date I never get a straight answer. I don't want to push him but I don't feel we should keep putting marriage off. What should I do?

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2. 57

   avanovaleeposted 13 years ago

   Maybe he doesn't want to deal with (or pay for) a ceremony,be prepared to make a compromise! Maybe the justice of the peace with a few witnesses while you wear your beautiful dress and a big dinner at applebees for a reception. Men have lots of reasons to put off the big day. Surely after this long its not a question of love or commitment.

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3. 60

   Vanmilposted 13 years ago

   I also think it could be a financial concern, weddings are very expensive. Perhaps if you are open to a smaller ceremony and can discuss this with your partner, he may feel less pressured about the actual event, and can concentrate more on the meaning of this commitment. Also, perhaps he just cannot be bothered. Unfortunately marriage is not viewed as a necessity in this day and age, it sometimes seems to be more of "a luxury item".

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4. 44

   Mikeydoesposted 13 years ago

   Marriage isn't big like it used to be. Many couples choose to not get married. It is becoming more and more popular. It would be best to just talk to him about it and get his exact feelings on the matter.
   
   If you love eachother and want to be together forever marriage is just a word.

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5. 0

   o0_jo_0oposted 13 years ago

   Hmmm....well now - this could open up a can of worms, couldn't it?  I mean - okay you've been together for 7 years and I'm not even going to mention the seven year itch - assuming that it doesn't even really exist.  You have two children, and Lord knows - they're expensive little critters.
   
   Like others have said before me "marriage" is just a word, and the ceremony is just a formality - and although it signifies and symbolises togetherness forever, commitment and true love - we all know that marriage is no guarantee of living "happily ever after".
   
   This is not to trivialise the sanctity of marriage to any degree.  But therein lies the difference between men and women.  Men believe that if something isn't broken, why fix it - whereas women like to fix it, fix it, fix it, oops broke it.
   
   But my summary answer to your question is this: you have been in a relationship for seven years - and the whirlwind earthmoving emotions have probably subsided a little for both of you, especially with two children.  Your husband is probably wondering what happened to that "honeymoon" period, as are you - and you're probably trying to pin down a wedding so that you are reassured in your relationship.  I understand both points of view - but I agree with the notion that a big expensive wedding, does not make the relationship any more committed or concrete than it already is. 
   
   Count your blessing my friend - you have a partner who loves you, and two adorable children.

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6. 74

   Levertis Steeleposted 10 years ago

   First, stop having sex and save something for a good husband. It does not take 7 years for a man to decide if he wants to spend his life with you. Think about getting rid of dead weight unless you want to find yourself old and unmarried. Carry yourself well, get out more often to places where decent guys frequent. Do not settle for players, losers, and married men. Look good, feel optimistic, and make yourself available to new friendships with people who are positive and outgoing. Then, expect "the sun to shine in your back door someday!"

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7. 75

   realtalk247posted 9 years ago

   Are you willing to be "ol girl I live with w/the kids" , then keep hanging on and saying nothing.  You need to set a deadline for things moving forward. I kind of hate you went about creating a whole family without establishing this first because you put yourself in a bad situation. It's much harder to walk out or live by yourself with two kids.
   Anyway, that's neither here nor there.
   
   Have a conversation with a recap. Don't argue or be mean. Simply sit down and say we have two kids together and have been together for 7 years. I'm not going to ask or mention getting married to you for the next 3 months.  If those 3 months pass and we're not engaged with  money on a date/venue then I will make some decisions regarding my future that will take place before 2016. Make sure you state it could be a church wedding, park wedding, or someone's home but it needs to take place.  Give him a hug and a kiss. 
   Never say anything else about it but be serious and be real about what you want and what you mean. No repeat necessary.
   Good luck!

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