30 or 40 affairs?? On you? You indeed are a patient man.
Since you love her so, there are a few measures to take before you throw in the towel. It doesn't sound like she is very open to communication, given her response to your reaction toward her and other men. Maybe you should suggest marriage counseling. During marriage counseling you both get to talk, and both listen. Ask her why she acts this way? Is there something she's not getting from you that she needs, and hasn't communicated to you? Tell her why this makes you feel the way it does, and what it is doing to you and your marriage. The marriage counselor will be able to lay out the importance of trust in a marriage, and the factors that can compromise it.
If she refuses to compromise, refuses to see your point of view, and refuses to consider your feelings in this matter, my humble advice is to leave and save yourself. I've been in places I never want to go back to, and looking back, wish I had had the strength to leave earlier, before I was completely destroyed. You don't need anyone. People are supposed to be in our lives because we want them there, and they add to our happiness. Not because we feel like they're a part of us we couldn't ever breathe without. That sentiment is lovely when things are going right, but in reality, that sentiment can cause a lot of harm. I cannot see a good enough reason to spend the rest of your only life with someone who constantly takes away from your happiness.
You, like everyone else, deserve to be with someone who respects you and gives you everything you give to them. You only get one life and one of every day...do what only you can, and make the decision to make yourself happy...whichever road that ends up being down.
Above all else, love yourself, protect yourself, and be strong for yourself.
Good luck, friend.