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arguing in relationships

Updated on September 27, 2011

So you guys argue all the time?

It happens just a little too much. It didn't start out so bad, but somewhere down the line it just escalated out of control. At first you were able to hold your tongue and not say hurtful things. Then somewhere down the line hurtful things were all you said. It used to be you would never even think about raising your hand, but somewhere down the line, you find yourself grabbing her arm when she tries to walk away.

Now you're scared because the arguing is almost everyday, and almost everyday it gets a little worse each time. And now you're scared because you love him or her so much, and it just all comes out wrong. Things get misunderstood and taken the wrong way. Good intentions are blamed for fighting and what you thought would be the right thing to do, just turns to complete and utter crap in your love's eyes.

She thinks you don't try enough, he thinks you're just condescending. She thinks you don't take care of yourself enough, he thinks you just want to keep him from having a life. He thinks you don't respect him enough. She thinks you're cheating on her, he thinks you're cheating on him.

She thinks you act like a child, he thinks you treat him like a child. She thinks you always blame everything on her, he thinks you think he can't do anything right anymore.

The love letters don't have any effect on her anymore. Those sweet words that used to make her melt don't even make her blink. It's just everyday routine. She says he doesn't compliment her enough. She complains that he doesn't pay attention to her. He's jealous when her attention goes to anyone but himself...

Just a couple years ago, she always wanted to be by your side, now she looks for any excuse to leave. Just a couple years ago, he used to be fun and exciting, now he just sits around and does nothing interesting. The new is gone, the fun is gone, the excitement is gone, the spontaneity is gone.

You say that you want to communicate and not fight, but her attitude keeps getting in the way and it just turns to fighting. Someone has to be negative. When one of you is happy the other one is mad.

A perfectly good night can get turned around in one minute with a bad comment, attitude, opinion, etc.

It's time to examine YOURSELF

Stop playing the blame game on each other. Find that full length mirror and take a GOOD LONG HARD LOOK AT YOURSELF! If she accuses you all the time of something or if he is always saying how your attitude is a bit much, it's time to see where they are coming from. Look at yourself, how you talk, how you carry yourself. They aren't saying all of these things for no reason. Everything that is said in an argument has a reason and purpose. What the love of your life tells you is something that bothers them. So take what they have to say to heart and stop letting yourself get in your way of a better and happier life.

Try to work on the things that is brought up the most by your significant other. Guys, if she says you don't pay her enough attention, then PLEASE if you love her, pay her more attention! Girls, if he says that your attitude always ruins his good mood, then PLEASE if you love him, try to stay more positive and don't let every little thing you don't like get to you. There is a great importance to all that I'm saying right now.

No cheating allowed

I know you never thought you'd ever cheat, but now you might be having thoughts because of how miserable you've been. DON'T CHEAT!!!! Be a real man or woman and do the right thing. See your relationship through thick and thin. Do everything you can for the person you said I love you to. There's power in those words and you need to stick with that. Don't even think about that other girl or guy that you have been noticing. The grass IS NOT greener on that other side. So just get that crap out of your mind right now. It's not worth it, and you will just be low life scum for doing the act. Don't try to justify it, by making excuses. You are no good scum if you cheat. I don't care if you're a guy or girl. Lord knows more and more girls are cheating in relationships now more than ever.

Be the better person

Be the person that says, "I love you and for this, I will try my very hardest to get back to the place where we loved each other unconditionally." Be proud for that. Be proud in knowing that even if you two fail in your love, that you tried. You can go home with your head low and the tears pouring down your face and be able to say, "I did my best." You're not a quitter and you believe in love and what it REALLY means to love.

Love is a choice, it's a choice to say that you will stick with it and not give up just because those giddy feelings are finally gone and you both are finally being real to each other. It's time to really learn if you're compatible. None of you are showing your nicer sides anymore, and the fists are flying.

So be the better person that finally says that you will be meek and humble and you will swallow your pride and try everything you can to make something work again.

I don't want you to get done reading this and not walk away with anything. I want you to be able to look at your lover and say, "I love you...I know we fight everyday now, but I love you more than my own life. You are my complete world and I want to do anything I can to bring you back to me." If you are reading this, then you are my friend. I want to help you because I'm in this situation right now as I'm writing this.

I'm just like you guys.

I'm in this very same situation. Me and my girlfriend fight all the time. It gets depressing. I cry almost every night about this. I've been accused of cheating when in reality I would never think about doing such a thing. I love her so much, and my good intentions get twisted all the time to fit the agenda of negativity. I would do anything for her, I would do anything. I love her so much, yet we still end up arguing over the stupidest of things. And the sad part is is that we argue bad. It's been getting worse and worse over the past 6 months.

So I have been there where you are. I'm still there. I'm trying to figure my own way out. This is all I know. Love is love and there's no rhyme or reason for why it fails or succeeds. Sometimes it's just luck, and sometimes it's the stubbornness of both people. That neither one of them wants to leave no matter how bad.

If you got something from this article, please leave a comment and share this with the people you know and love.


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    • profile image


      4 years ago

      I'm in this position right now with my boyfriend we argue about the stupetest things and spend so much of our energy arguing. A nice beautiful day can go sour just by one comment that is made. I recognize that a lot of things bother me and I tend to be overly sensitive but when I change that my boyfriend will get mad over things that I think are so stupid. Like jelousy by his part triggers me to feel frustrated because cheating or looking for someone else is not even on my mind. We've never had big issues with lieng we've been faithful and so loving and respectful towards each other. Yet when we argue everything goes downhill and that seems to be everyday because we don't see eye to eye in the moment. I've done the ugly mistake to yell out of frustration and break up with him but then not 2minutes later I apologies but since we live together he's become more stressed because he has to figure out then and there where he will go. He feels like I'm playing with his emotions. But in reality I've became super frustrated and furious that I feel like lashning out and tosing my phone to vent out my frustration of not feeling understood by my partner. We both can't find a solution and now we've both been agreeing to break up. "to strategies a break up" but how the hell do you do that. I feel lost in my relationship. i love this man with all my heart and I want us to work so bad and I know he does to. Neither of us want the space but now things have gotten out of hand and still no progress that we have agreed to take a little break towards each other. When he's off to work no phone calls and when the weekend comes and we both are home together we've agreed to try and do things separately for a part of the day like him play video games or whatever he wants to do. I've encouraged him to go fishing with his friends and accept invitations from his guy friends to attend all those outdoor activities he's refused because he perfers his free time to be spent with me. I really want to spend all my time with him but I think that this might help my relationship. I'm not planning on going out clubbing or things that would trigger jelousy but just do the things I normally do when I'm alone like reading hang out with my mother go to have coffee with a friend go for a jog things that would make me feel relaxed and we'll have more to talk about when we sit down together at the end of the day to watch a movie or go out ot eat and stuff. I love this man and he's my support system my best friend my everything. And it's so hard to accept to break up when all these great things are there. There has to be something we could do. I'm 24 and he's 28 divorced and has a loving 2year old daughter that I love and she asks for me constantly and shows so much love for me. We have all that and she never interferers with our time. We have her on the weekend and she brings joy to our hearts. I just feel so lost with us arguing over non sense I fele that I have to put an end to my strong insecurities about always feeling controlled and blaming him for jelousy from my part from his past. I recognize my wrong but that's not enough I want a change and it's tough and overwhelming to be so aware of my flaws that I get set back each time I reflect on the stupidity of our argument that I blame myself for. It's good to know that we are not the only ones going through this but when do we know if enough is enough when you don't want to give up loving the person but yet in the back of your mind your fearful of continuing and end up hating this person you love so much. That's why we feel that it might be better to end it now than continue in a path that is so rocky but we don't want to quit this relationship that still has so many positives.

    • tjhooper profile imageAUTHOR

      TJ Hooper 

      5 years ago from dublin Ga

      Scorp, you are very correct. That is why I stated that both parties need to learn to work together to resolve conflicts. As the old saying goes, "It takes two to tango."

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      i read the article enjoyed it, and i agree that both parties should examine themselves but, when one side always or constantly takes the low road when the arguing starts and not understanding why or what brought it on i think it's a problem. One, it might be about control for the arguer, taking advantage of the one who always apologizes because they know they will. Two, there is no respect given to the so-called seemingly weaker party and the arguing party doesn't want to hear or neither cares about what the other feels. Or three, the arguing party has something else going on outside of the relationship that they don't want the other to find out especially when it comes to the accusations of being unfaithful, not in all cases but when you know things are not true in that regard its hard not to wonder if this is that right person. Again enjoyed the article

    • profile image

      betty J 

      5 years ago

      very motivating article. love endures and congures

    • tjhooper profile imageAUTHOR

      TJ Hooper 

      6 years ago from dublin Ga

      I'm glad this article is helping everybody. It's nice to be able to know that other people go through the same things and we can all help each other a little.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      this article made me cry haha. really nice and inspirational. glad I found this

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      I like this article im a women and my girlfriend and I we argue so much I hope this help us.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      This article opened my eyes to things I didn't want to believe n accept of my self were both so stubborn n don't let each other we argue for no reason. N any reason n can't figure out y we say will get threw it n will fix this but then again were breaking up this inspired me no lie im gunna try to spark up my relationship show love n not give up to easy before its to late thanks

    • fucsia profile image


      7 years ago

      I like this page, your words are true, of a true personal experience, and these are the most pleasurable pages to read. I like that you try to find in this situation a way to grow. I think that every difficult situation can be an occasion to look inside of us.

    • Treasuresofheaven profile image

      Sima Ballinger 

      7 years ago from Michigan

      tjhooper, I am going to follow you. I believe you have something to say to the world.

      You are intelligent and a good writer.

      I wish you the best in sorting this Love Thing out.

    • tjhooper profile imageAUTHOR

      TJ Hooper 

      7 years ago from dublin Ga

      I know exactly how you feel. I know the feeling of frustration when the person you love can't for whatever reason put him/herself in your shoes and see things from your side of view.

      Arguing can be a vicious cycle, and the same subject can cause hundreds of fights before it's settled. Just remember one thing,

      Love is a choice, not a feeling. It's not something you can fall into or out of. You always have a choice to leave or stay. Love is something that you have to decide to do, even when it may be the hardest thing to do.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      Oh my goodness. I'm in tears, I mean, I thought we were the only couples who did this. And I felt so bad that we do that, and are still together.

      I just want it to stop, I can't help getting mad at him for stupid things, and then we start physically fighting, well me, not him.

      And like.. ughhhh it's so hard. I just want him to understand where I'm coming from. I mean, i'm not just pulling things out of my ass to argue about, they're all things that bother me, and when we try to talk about it, he takes it as arguing, and then we fight.

      This moved me SO MUCH. And SERIOUSLY SHOWED US, that just about every couple does this, and that we don't need to not be together because of it.

    • tjhooper profile imageAUTHOR

      TJ Hooper 

      7 years ago from dublin Ga

      very good comment. I like that you said, "arguing is a self-feeding monster that only you can get rid of"

      That's very true for both sexes. The only person that can stop you from arguing is yourself. That's a decision you need to make. =) Thank you for your comment

    • profile image

      Steve L 

      7 years ago

      I found this article to be really inspirational. I think sometimes people can feel like they're letting themselves be "walked over" when they are the first to apologise for something that is a joint failing but everything you said has reminded me that the most important thing is that I love her for all her great qualities and that the arguing is a self-feeding monster that you can only really get rid of if one of you stops joining in.


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