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Being a Mistress to a Married Man - Will He Ever Leave His Wife?
Why You Are Wasting Your Time!
Being a mistress is not an ambition of any sane woman. As young girls playing “dress up” we don’t say that we want to be a mistress when we grow up. We want to be a beautiful bride. We wear pretend wedding dresses, “get married” to the boy of our dreams and live happily ever after.
Of course, there is always an exception to the rule and there are some women out there who claim to be “professional” mistresses. These women are in the minority. The vast majority of women who have affairs with married men are usually deeply, madly in love with them. Their deluded hearts are full of false and broken promises.
Rules of Being a Mistress
Most extra marital affairs are doomed for failure. Be prepared for heartache, disappointment, guilt and lies. Yes, lies. If a married man can lie to his wife, he can also lie to his mistress. Your first mistake will be thinking that you are somehow “different.”
Below are 7 rules you should know about being a mistress.
1. Sex Doesn’t Mean Love
Women view a sexual relationship as a sign of commitment and love. Men don’t. For men, sex is a physical activity which can be totally separate from their emotions. Such intimacy does not equate to love for them.
This physical detachment is why men are able to cheat so easily. They can be in love their wives and yet still sleep with another woman, purely for the sex. Don't presume that he doesn’t love his wife, just because he is having sex with you.
2. Cheating Men Rarely Leave Their Wives
Most men will have one or more reasons as to why they are unable to leave their wives. Most of these excuses will have a deadline attached, giving you false hope. For example, his children are still quite young, he is simply biding his time until they leave school. However, when school leaving time arrives, the goal posts will be moved. Now it’s because his children are going to college and with all the tuition fees he really can’t afford to leave and divorce his wife. But if you waste another 3 years of your life on him, then he will be yours for ever. And so on, and so on...
If he truly wanted to be with you then he would find a way to make it happen. Do you really want to find yourself in exactly the same position 10 years down the line?
3. You Can Never Expose The Affair
One of the worst possible things you can do, is to try and break up his marriage by telling his wife. He won’t thank you for it and you will simply alienate yourself. You also won’t achieve the outcome or satisfaction that you thought you might. Indeed you will undoubtedly cause yourself more psychological harm than good.
If the affair is exposed, the likelihood of the two of you getting together is scarce. You will simply panic him into trying to work things out with his wife. Even if he does go to live with you, for a short period of time, this will be because he has no alternative. Ultimately, he will be aiming for reconciliation with his wife.
4. You Will Always Be His Dirty Little Secret
You will always be a secret, His friends and family will know nothing about you. You will be limited to the number of public places that you can visit together, for fear of being seen.
You may even be his “friend” on social networking sites such as Facebook but he will never acknowledge you as anything more. Indeed, you may even have to endure the painful humiliation of witnessing him posting photographs of his wife and family on his profile.
Just ask yourself, how much pain can you endure?
If he is not prepared to go public about his relationship with you, then he does not want to lose his wife. He will continue to keep you a secret for as long as you allow him to.
5. You Will Always Be Alone On Special Occasions
Your birthday, his birthday, Christmas, New Year, Thanksgiving, Valentine’s Day, holidays etc. He will also be absent for her birthday and their wedding anniversary.
When you’re lying in bed at night, all on your lonesome, remember that he is sharing a bed with his wife.
Have You Ever Been A Mistress?
Have you ever had an affair with a married man?
6. He IS Having Sex With His Wife But Expects YOU To Be Faithful
This may be hard to accept but there are very few men who turn down sex. He’s probably not getting as much sex as he may want at home, but there will definitely be some degree of intimacy between him and his wife.
You, on the other hand, will be expected to be totally faithful to him and only him.
7. You Can Only See Him On His Terms
He will tell you when and where. He will cancel at the last moment because of family commitments. He will make promises only to break them time and time again. Most of your snatched moments together will involve sex and you will spend less and less time going out together.
Initially, you may react to these situations but eventually you become accustomed to his disrespectful behaviour and start accepting it as the “norm,”
You Are Awesome - So Start Acting Like It!
Being a mistress is a thankless task. Whether it “just happened” or you believe it is “meant to be” it will only result in misery in the long term. If he genuinely loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, then he will separate and ultimately divorce his wife to be with you.
If he isn't prepared to do that then, believe me, he is only in it for what he can get and has no intention whatsoever of leaving his wife. The more you expect from an extra marital affair, the more likely you are to be hurt and disappointed.
The best thing you can do is to respect yourself and to leave the relationship with your head held high and dignity in tact. You must value yourself and value your time. If you want some advice on how to follow this though, then check out my hub on the No Contact Rule After Breakup for further advice.
To conclude I shall quote the wisdom of a man, far more knowledgeable that myself...
“Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.”
Tenzin Gyatso -14th Dalai Lama
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Please note that this hub is not intended for use as a source of professional, psychological or medical advice but is provided solely for informational purposes.
Readers are advised to seek the services of competent professionals in these fields.