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Being a Mistress to a Married Man - Will He Ever Leave His Wife?

Updated on September 29, 2016
Being a Mistress to a Married Man
Being a Mistress to a Married Man

Why You Are Wasting Your Time!

Being a mistress is not an ambition of any sane woman. As young girls playing “dress up” we don’t say that we want to be a mistress when we grow up. We want to be a beautiful bride. We wear pretend wedding dresses, “get married” to the boy of our dreams and live happily ever after.

Of course, there is always an exception to the rule and there are some women out there who claim to be “professional” mistresses. These women are in the minority. The vast majority of women who have affairs with married men are usually deeply, madly in love with them. Their deluded hearts are full of false and broken promises.

Rules of Being a Mistress

Most extra marital affairs are doomed for failure. Be prepared for heartache, disappointment, guilt and lies. Yes, lies. If a married man can lie to his wife, he can also lie to his mistress. Your first mistake will be thinking that you are somehow “different.”

Below are 7 rules you should know about being a mistress.

1. Sex Doesn’t Mean Love

Women view a sexual relationship as a sign of commitment and love. Men don’t. For men, sex is a physical activity which can be totally separate from their emotions. Such intimacy does not equate to love for them.

This physical detachment is why men are able to cheat so easily. They can be in love their wives and yet still sleep with another woman, purely for the sex. Don't presume that he doesn’t love his wife, just because he is having sex with you.

Will He Ever Leave His Wife?
Will He Ever Leave His Wife?

2. Cheating Men Rarely Leave Their Wives

Most men will have one or more reasons as to why they are unable to leave their wives. Most of these excuses will have a deadline attached, giving you false hope. For example, his children are still quite young, he is simply biding his time until they leave school. However, when school leaving time arrives, the goal posts will be moved. Now it’s because his children are going to college and with all the tuition fees he really can’t afford to leave and divorce his wife. But if you waste another 3 years of your life on him, then he will be yours for ever. And so on, and so on...

If he truly wanted to be with you then he would find a way to make it happen. Do you really want to find yourself in exactly the same position 10 years down the line?

3. You Can Never Expose The Affair

One of the worst possible things you can do, is to try and break up his marriage by telling his wife. He won’t thank you for it and you will simply alienate yourself. You also won’t achieve the outcome or satisfaction that you thought you might. Indeed you will undoubtedly cause yourself more psychological harm than good.

If the affair is exposed, the likelihood of the two of you getting together is scarce. You will simply panic him into trying to work things out with his wife. Even if he does go to live with you, for a short period of time, this will be because he has no alternative. Ultimately, he will be aiming for reconciliation with his wife.

Being the Other Woman
Being the Other Woman

4. You Will Always Be His Dirty Little Secret

You will always be a secret, His friends and family will know nothing about you. You will be limited to the number of public places that you can visit together, for fear of being seen.

You may even be his “friend” on social networking sites such as Facebook but he will never acknowledge you as anything more. Indeed, you may even have to endure the painful humiliation of witnessing him posting photographs of his wife and family on his profile.

Just ask yourself, how much pain can you endure?

If he is not prepared to go public about his relationship with you, then he does not want to lose his wife. He will continue to keep you a secret for as long as you allow him to.

5. You Will Always Be Alone On Special Occasions

Your birthday, his birthday, Christmas, New Year, Thanksgiving, Valentine’s Day, holidays etc. He will also be absent for her birthday and their wedding anniversary.

When you’re lying in bed at night, all on your lonesome, remember that he is sharing a bed with his wife.

Have You Ever Been A Mistress?

Have you ever had an affair with a married man?

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6. He IS Having Sex With His Wife But Expects YOU To Be Faithful

This may be hard to accept but there are very few men who turn down sex. He’s probably not getting as much sex as he may want at home, but there will definitely be some degree of intimacy between him and his wife.

You, on the other hand, will be expected to be totally faithful to him and only him.

7. You Can Only See Him On His Terms

He will tell you when and where. He will cancel at the last moment because of family commitments. He will make promises only to break them time and time again. Most of your snatched moments together will involve sex and you will spend less and less time going out together.

Initially, you may react to these situations but eventually you become accustomed to his disrespectful behaviour and start accepting it as the “norm,”

You Are Awesome - So Start Acting Like It!

Being a mistress is a thankless task. Whether it “just happened” or you believe it is “meant to be” it will only result in misery in the long term. If he genuinely loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, then he will separate and ultimately divorce his wife to be with you.

If he isn't prepared to do that then, believe me, he is only in it for what he can get and has no intention whatsoever of leaving his wife. The more you expect from an extra marital affair, the more likely you are to be hurt and disappointed.

The best thing you can do is to respect yourself and to leave the relationship with your head held high and dignity in tact. You must value yourself and value your time. If you want some advice on how to follow this though, then check out my hub on the No Contact Rule After Breakup for further advice.

To conclude I shall quote the wisdom of a man, far more knowledgeable that myself...

“Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.”

Tenzin Gyatso -14th Dalai Lama

Copyright © 2012 Marketing Merit - All Rights Reserved

Are You Dating A Loser? - Save yourself the humiliation, heartache and pain by identifying the 7 common traits of Losers!

No Contact Rule After Breakup - Discover the best method to get your partner back!

Partner Adding Women Friends On Facebook - My honest account of how Facebook has impacted on my relationship.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder In Men - Is your relationship suffering at the hands of a narcissist?


Please note that this hub is not intended for use as a source of professional, psychological or medical advice but is provided solely for informational purposes.

Readers are advised to seek the services of competent professionals in these fields.


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    • fpherj48 profile image


      18 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      well, 15 months later.....I certainly hope you were more successful in dealing with your "Lover Boy" husband & his little Baby-Mama....than a certain female liar-thief was in her failed efforts for POTUS!........Think about next time. If she could run....anyone can.

    • fpherj48 profile image


      2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      vivian...I don't know who you are, where you live or your age. I don't know if you work & have your own substantial income, or your husband is sole support. 4 children in 10 years of marriage is pretty quick work & since I surmise they all pretty young, you're in quite a corner, aren't you?

      I give only straight, common sense advice. No sugar coating. Toughen up and stand tall, girl.

      If you're in the U.S.A & your husband thought he was legally married to a 2nd woman.....sorry, but it's NOT legal & he can be charged with bigamy. That's certainly not his biggest problem at the moment, but it proves what a total dumb jackass he is.

      You can be as mad as you like for as long as you wish. If Mr. Wonderful cared what you thought, this would not have occurred.

      So much for his loyalty, love & vows.

      Due to not knowing you, I will not tell you what to do. I certainly WILL tell you what I would tell any woman in your identical situation, NOT to do.

      Do not get crazy & divorce him. Ask yourself, do you really want to raise 4 children w/o their father, on child support that he may or may not pay? Do you want to set him free to be with this woman & child & give them his time, attention & money while you & your kids are left to struggle & starve? This would be akin to rewarding him for his unforgivable behavior.

      If he chooses to divorce you....then you immediately get the very best matrimonial Attorney you can find. Don't worry about the cost. Your husband will be court ordered to pay your Attorney fees since he is clearly at FAULT. You & your attorney are in a position to take him to the MEGA Cleaners. Do it. This may not help your pain, but it will help everything else. Trust me, you'll get over him, just in time to see him being kicked out by his new wife because he cheated on her too!

      If you choose to be a martyr or long-suffering abused woman and forgive him~~~the next time he has an adulterous affair (and he will) you have gotten what you deserve. But who knows? You could go on to run for President of the U.S!!

    • profile image

      vivian fasanmi 

      2 years ago

      my husband and i have gotting maried 10years ago, with four kids 2 girls and 2 boys and along the line my got maried to another lady recently and the lady have giving birth to a baby i got to know this and am so mad i dont know what to do and my kids are still young pls give me advice regard to this issue

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      3 years ago

      Very well written!

      I agree with just about everything you've written here.

      My observation of cheaters is they are NOT looking to replace one relationship with another one! They don't want to go through a divorce!

      Their goal appears to be to "compliment" what they already have. They want to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship/marriage while addressing their other "needs" on the side whatever those "needs" may be.

      Maybe if more women understood that men cheat in order (stay) in "unhappy marriages" or (tolerate them) they'd be less inclined to become mistresses!

      In the case for example of a unhappily married man with a wife who has no interest in having sex with him. They've talked it over and nothing changes. From his point of view he as three options.

      1. Accept the fact that his sex life is over.

      2. Run down to the courthouse and file for divorce. Move out of his home into a studio apartment, pay child support and possibly alimony, become a weekend dad, have friends & family divided or choosing sides.

      3. Find a woman who finds him attractive and (enjoys having sex) with him on the side. She compliments him and make him feel "desired". Generally speaking a lot men in that situation with go with option #3. Another factor is most cheaters don't expect to get caught!

    • Susan Trump profile image

      Susan Trump 

      3 years ago from San Diego, California

      I'm sure you didn't learn it all from the Dali Lama but you did learn it. That is exactly right.

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      Yeah learned my lesson the hard way, but got my revenge and told his wife. I don't want a liar and a cheat but guess she does . The wife is a bigger a fool than me.

    • Apology4Wolves profile image


      6 years ago from Kentucky

      "The more one loves a mistress, the more one is ready to hate her."

      ~Francois de La Rochefoucauld

    • Marketing Merit profile imageAUTHOR

      C L Grant 

      6 years ago from United Kingdom

      Yes, your comments are very true Fpherj48. There's many a mistress out there who doesn't realise that she is simply another disposable asset with an abundance of newer and shinier models available in the showroom!

      In my experience, talking is of little benefit unless you are prepared to tell the mistress what she wants to hear. By the time they realise that they need to sit down and talk, many a woman is so emotionally fragile that the damage is sometimes irreparable.

      Perhaps these men should come with a government health warning?!!

      Best wishes ;)

    • fpherj48 profile image


      6 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      I have known many a mistress. Although they were only casual friends of mine, they always seemed to want to "talk" about their situation. I don't know, maybe they talked to anyone who would listen, but I always got the feeling they wanted free professional advice. Of course, this was not going to happen.

      The truth is, friendly or professional, my advice would be the same. When a woman who is literally being USED as a mistress, has come to terms with the blatant reality of the situation, she may be open to suggestion. If she has not yet realized the true motive of Mr. Lover Boy.....nothing that anyone can say, do or even PROVE to her, will be of any benefit whatsoever.

      As long as she continues to see him....(and he hasn't been "caught") he will use her forever...unless of course, he finds another willing and YOUNGER participant. Tell me, what could possibly be a harder kick in the teeth than being a MISTRESS, REPLACED BY A NEW MISTRESS???? Ouch!

    • Marketing Merit profile imageAUTHOR

      C L Grant 

      6 years ago from United Kingdom

      Thanks again Jantamaya for your insightful comment!

      Sadly, many women waste their best years waiting for married men. I personally believe if he's made no move to leave his wife after 6 months then the mistress needs the courage to walk away.

      I also hope your friend managed to find someone more deserving of her love.

    • jantamaya profile image

      Maria Janta-Cooper 

      6 years ago from UK

      Interesting hub, a comprehensive information about a mistress. You've described her well. One of my friends lived this life. As she was close to sixty, she begun to look for a partner. It didn't work well for her at this time and I hope that she is better now (sadly, I lost contact to her).

    • Marketing Merit profile imageAUTHOR

      C L Grant 

      6 years ago from United Kingdom

      I think it's the rose tinted glasses we sometimes wear when in love Davesworld!

      But yes, you are right, anyone who is capable of cheating on his wife won't think twice about cheating on his mistress.

      Indeed, you only have to read the tabloids to uncover stories of men who have had multiple mistresses at the same time!

    • Davesworld profile image


      6 years ago from Cottage Grove, MN 55016

      One thing I've always wondered, if you know he's cheating on her what makes you think he won't cheat on you too?


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