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Why Do Women Bitch?
So much for the fairer sex!
I've written this because I've encountered a lot of bitchiness in my lifetime and based on the number of visits I get to this article it seems to be a hot topic.
Would you consider yourself to be a bitch and do you know why you do it? Is someone bitching at you and you're trying to understand them or why they do it?
Is bitching just another form of bullying and is one worse than the other? Should we let idle gossip destroy our lives? I'll explore these questions, and others, in more detail below.
Is Bitching a form of bullying?
When a person tries to exercise control over another, whether it's coming from a female or not it is a form of bullying. So yes, when a woman is a bitch to someone else she is also being a bully.
Bitching is a form of abuse because it can be soul-destroying. No-one has the right to say something to someone else just for the sake of appearing/feeling superior. That's a bully in my book.
Which is worse, bitching or bullying? I don't see how one can be worse than the other. Both have the capacity to ruin someone's life. However, bitching can take various forms from bitching as in nagging or complaining, bitching as in bullying or bitching as in idle gossip to others.
People with sensitive souls can be easily hurt by someone's words. Words are immensely powerful, they can uplift you or they can sadden you, they can make you angry or they can have you weeping with joy. The tongue is mightier than the sword, as is the written word. So whether someone is saying something to your face or whether it takes the form of idle gossip behind your back, it can still hurt you equally and is therefore wrong.
Sticks and Stones
Ah, if only it were that simple to shrug off someone's hurtful comments by remembering the sticks and stones verse....
When someone says or writes something there is usually an emotional attachment that comes with it. It all depends on the individual interpretation as to how we react. A bitch/bully knows full well that whoever they are directing their speech/text at will feel diminished as a result. All bitches/bullies only target those who they believe are weaker than themselves.
So the bitch/bully sees the words one way, the recipient hears/reads them another and the victim chooses to react in a negative way, they are hurt. The fact that someone is a bitch means they fully intend to exert power over you, punish you even, in order to feel good about themselves. There is nothing heroic about being a bitch/bully despite how many disciples they've got worshipping them - that's only to give them kudos like some fly-by-night celebrity.
However, women tend to attack other women (and men) in a more cutting, evil, manipulative, sarcastic way and it's the way in which they do it that causes a lot of the damage, they play mind games.
Once someone chips away at you, constantly making you feel less and less good about yourself, you start to believe them. You believe you really are worthless, you believe you really are a wimp, you believe they have power and you have none.
Let's get one thing straight: They are a coward.
What Do Women Bitch About?
Anything and everything! The bitching I'm referring to in this article is that of idle gossip and face to face bullying.
I've encountered a lot in my lifetime. From bitches at school to a bitchy step-mother, to bitches in the workplace. Just when I thought I'd experienced them all, I then experienced it over the internet in the form of jealousy.
In most of my experience I blamed myself. It must have been my fault. There's obviously something about me because it follows me around. After years of soul-searching I've come to realise what it is: I'm too nice!
Women are so contrary, they say one thing and mean another, so I've often found myself in a no-win situation. I didn't particularly want to win as such, I'm not competitive, but I did want to be understood. There's no reasoning with a bitch, it's like reasoning with an alcoholic (something else I know all about..).
In my experience they have bitched because I'm blonde, I'm slim(ish), I lived in a big house as a child, I was a threat to their partner, I was in the way, I come home too late/too early/treat the place like a hotel, I'm good at my job, I'm intellegent etc etc - I could go on.
Without sounding like I'm blowing my own trumpet, all the above is what I came to realise. Before the realisation I probably thought the oppostie such as; they think I'm thick because I'm blonde, they don't like my clothes, they think I'm posh, they think I want to steal their partner away etc. All these thoughts were based on the way they spoke to me and the way I chose to interpret it. I was just one big walking target and each time I believed I was in the wrong.
What about trust?
I'm very cautious about who I trust. I do try to trust initially until something/somebody proves me wrong - that's just my positive nature to see the good before the bad.
Because of my past experiences I do tend to keep myself to myself and have a handful of very special friends rather than lots of acquaintances. Most of my friends are men - men make excellent friends so long as the relationship remains platonic and they know where they stand. I've got women friends too but I just don't tick like they do, I'm not a girly girl and I certainly don't get pleasure out of idle gossip - which is why I think I'm given a wide berth.
I spent years and years trying to be accepted, to fit in with the crowd whether it was at school or the workplace. It took me a long time to realise that despite really wanting to find a special female friend I was probably sending out signals telling them to back off.
The more I experienced being shunned, the more I was isolating myself from the crowd; I was never meant to fit in. Whenever I connected with someone it always seemed to back-fire, as if they were waiting to stick the knife in or pull the rug from under me. People seem to get some sadistic pleasure out of watching a kind-hearted person crumble. It gives them a feeling of power.
So when it comes to trust most of us can only really trust ourselves.
Why Do They Bitch?
Reasons why they might be bitching at you
Women bitch for many reasons: Inadequacy, intimidation, fear, jealousy, resentment, envy, hormonal issues to name a few - notice how these are all negative emotions and therefore it shows they can't be feeling too good about themselves to begin with
Inadequacy - Somewhere along the line this woman feels lesser than you. There is probably an aspect of your personality or appearance that deeply troubles her, so rather than feel down about it she feels better by making you feel rubbish about yourself. If she is lacking that is not YOUR fault.
Intimidation - You probably intimidate them without realising it and you won't be doing it deliberately. You are more likely just being 'yourself' and that is enough to get up most women's noses. When someone is comfortable with who they are it makes other women feel less confident around them. Therefore they will dimish you to regain their sense of self-worth and try their best to break your happy disposition.
Fear - YOU are what they fear, so don't YOU be fearing THEM! This goes back to being yourself. You are probably all the nice things in life; caring/loving/giving/kind/sensitive/naïve. If you're slim and pretty on top of that you've no chance! Well, not until you learn to ignore them. They fear you will catch their partner's eye because you're so nice. They fear they might get overlooked for promotion because you're younger/cleverer, they fear all their friends will prefer you to them. All their fears are usually based on nothing except their own low self-esteem.
Jealousy/envy - probably two of the most destructive emotions. You probably have something that they feel they haven't got. It could be anything from a better car, bigger breasts, better lifestyle, better partner, better job. Women are conditioned to make comparisons, usually mostly visual ones, the biggest of which is one's appearance. So a lot of jealousy/envy will be directed at you because you look a certain way. If people feel inferior based on your appearance then they are probably quite shallow with low self-worth if they feel the need to take it out on you. If people are jealous of your lifestyle then maybe they aren't trying hard enough to change their own - it is easier to feel jealous/enviousof someone than address our own shortcomings and take stock of our lives. Some women actually enjoy being in this state, that is why they buy celebrity magazines because they can only dream of that lifestyle. Dreams can come true, with effort.
Resentment - A very destructive emotion because resentment can eat away at women for years, we have the capacity to carry something on and on and on whereas men tend to clear the air more quickly. To have someone hold a grudge against you is pretty hard to deal with because I'd like to bet you've done nothing wrong, they just don't like you. Well don't change your life in order to make them happy, they clearly want your life if they feel like that, or maybe they just want to be more like you. It took me a long time to realise that when someone is resentful towards you it is because you have a quality which they actually admire and would like to have in themselves. So stay as you are and continue to set an example.
Hormonal issues - this is a good one! Women blame their hormones all the time. It's okay for them to blame their lousy attitude on monthly issues but woe betide a man who blames their hormones - be fair girls! However it really can be down to hormones and we all know when hormones come into a situation we really cannot help it. So consider this aspect if a woman is being unkind to you. Maybe she's going through the menopause - a very frustrating and confusing time for a woman and maybe that is why she is directing so much negativity towards you? Menopause is a time where many women realise they are not seventeen anymore, more so in body than in mind. This is a time where they feel vulnerable especially when in the company of a younger, more attractive woman. Maybe some of this bitchiness is coming from your own mother because she resents your youthfulness? I've personally experienced this and wouldn't dream of being nasty to another woman, I'm the first to celebrate her good looks and attributes than be jealous.
I have no time for any of these emotions and if someone is being like this to you then try to understand that the problem lies with them, you are not at fault.
How Do I Handle A Bitch?
Ignore her, same as you would any bully. Once you accept that they have the problem not you life becomes so much easier. Stop worrying. Stop asking yourself what have you done wrong. Get on with your life.
It takes time and effort and initially it could make things even harder for you because the very act of ignoring them will attract more unwanted attention. Eventually if you are thick-skinned enough they will get tired of it and walk away.
The best way to deal with hurtful words is by being non-responsive. The minute you respond to something that is said or written you give it power. If you say/do nothing the only person hurting and feeling negative is the protagonist. They won't change but they will stop, they'll just find another muse.
Silence holds a greater power, keep your thoughts to yourself, learn to say nothing and walk away. It's easier said than done I know, particularly when it's coming from your own mum or step-mum - the very people you should be able to look up to and ask for advice from. So all I can say from that perspective is just try and understand why they do it, accept it's not you directly and try and let it go in one ear and out of the other. Like most things, especially when you have to live with them, time is the greatest healer. Be patient and things will change.
Rest assured that karma is always in action and there's no greater saying than 'What goes around comes around.' Everyone gets their just desserts.
Some links that may be of interest
- I'm A Bitch, Are You?
Article written by a self-confessed bitch