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Break Up to Make Up Dating Q & A

Updated on October 25, 2011

In the spirit of good old fashioned dating advice, a relationship issue that deserves an article all on its own. Answer the questions below to determine whether your breaking up and making up is healthy or not.

Being separated from your partner can cause a type of break up depression.
Being separated from your partner can cause a type of break up depression.

In terms of dating problems, it is understandable why breaking up with someone is within the top ranks of relationship issues. Being separated from a partner can cause a break up depression of sorts, especially when a 'what if' feeling of regret is present. Often enough, this is when break up to make up begins, and becomes a regular and normal routine.

When dealing with an on again off again relationship, coping with breaking up isn't the only struggle. In certain instances, making up with an ex can be just as emotional.

So far if any of the above has made you think of your own relationship issues, don't worry just yet. Depending on the couple and situation, this cycle can actually act as a type of couples therapy. By the end of this page you will be able to decide if your break up to make up relationship is healthy, or if it's best to call it quits for good.

Does Everyone Deserve A Second Chance?

I grew up across the street from my dearest and best friend, and even at such a young age I knew how lucky I was to have my ultimate go to person that close to me. We often fought as little girls do, and sometimes would even make it an entire 24 hours without speaking to each other. The time would finally come where my mom would see my pain, and tell me, "everyone deserves a second chance." I'd swallow my pride, take that walk of shame across White street, and find the nerve to somehow ring her doorbell.

Now, nearly 20 years later I'm still dealing with on and off relationships, but these hurt much worse. These arguments last longer than 24 hours, the harshest words spoken don't include that I'm taking back my bracelet, and a simple walk across the street doesn't solve it all. The one thing that does remain the same is my mom's voice echoing in my head, reminding me that everyone deserves another chance.

How many second chances are you supposed to give? Seems so simple doesn't it. As if you decide on a number, blurt it out, and viola! That will be the magic number of chances you're going to allot your partner if they repeatedly make mistakes, and when those numbers reach zero, you're just finished with that relationship. If it were that simple, the divorce rate wouldn't be where it is now, and couples wouldn't be left standing there trying to figure out how it got to that point. The point where it's unhealthy to stay, but it hurts too much to go, and that is how the vicious cycle starts. You're no longer happy, and one day you wake up to realize you're in a break up to make up relationship.

Whether you've ever experienced this type of hell... I mean relationship, you still know the type along with it's wide array of names. On again off again, break up to make up, love/hate, etc. I'm sure there are dozens of other combinations of the term, but the overall affect is still the same. Each person is different, and no two couples are exactly the same, so the amount of times that I may take my partner back, won't necessarily be the same for you. Only you know how you feel, but you still need to be aware. If you're stuck in the cycle of being loved today, left tomorrow, and loved again by Friday, at least know when it has become unhealthy.

This hub is to help those in a love em' and leave em' relationship, and to realize your own answers. Should I give them another chance, or should I do the walking this time and walk away for good.

Why Do I Stay?

The first question you need to ask yourself is, "why do I even stay?" It's not as easy as it sounds, and some couples, that have been together for years, can't even give you three reasons. That alone is one of the most confusing aspects about love. You know beyond a shadow of doubt that you care for your partner, and letting the actual thought of them never being in your life again pulls something on your heart. What is that pull though? What is it about your love that keeps you in a place where you can't write out a page long list of reasons that keep you there.

Healthy or Unhealthy

Next on the list is to evaluate if your break up to make up relationship is causing more harm than it is good. A few simple questions to ask yourself are:

1. Do the short frequent breaks in your relationship help you both to be a better partner when you're together?


  • If frequent breaks in your relationship enable you to be a more attentive, loving, and caring partner then it's possible that this method of dating is healthy for you both. It gives you time to be by yourself, and allows you to actually miss the other.


  • One of you is angry at the break up, and carries that anger over into the make up stage. The often will bring up the last separation period whenever you aren't seeing eye to eye. This can cause resentment and anger.

2. Do both of you want the break ups when they occur, and are you both willing to get back together?


  • If you both agree to the separation periods, and are both eager to be back together then breaking up and making up may not be seen as a major hurdle in your relationship.


  • One of you doesn't want the break, and the other is insisting, and when it is time to make up, one of your are reluctant to do so.

Physical or verbal abuse is a sure sign that your relationship should end.
Physical or verbal abuse is a sure sign that your relationship should end.
You have full trust in your partner during breaks. Upon making up, there isn't constant questions about the other's whereabouts or actions.
You have full trust in your partner during breaks. Upon making up, there isn't constant questions about the other's whereabouts or actions.

3. Are the scenarios leading up to the break up verbally or physically violent?


  • When it comes time you both need a break in your relationship, you're able to sit down and rationally talk about it, the terms of the separation, etc.


  • Arguments or fights leading up to the break are done so in anger. One or both of you has become physically violent or verbally abusive. This is a huge sign that it needs to end for good, and needs to be addressed immediately.

4. Do you remain in contact the entire time you are on a break?


  • You still talk on the phone, email, or text, and may occasionally have dinner together. You discuss calmly why you both decided on the break up, and if and when it is in your best interest to try being together again.


  • One or both of you become MIA then entire separation period, and suddenly show back up when they feel the need to, expecting to get back together.

5. Do you trust your partner is not doing things without you around that they wouldn't do while with you (such as being with another person romantically)?


  • You both know during your separation where the other likely is without even having to ask. You do not worry about them being with another person, and there are not constant questions about their whereabouts when you two decide to make up.


  • One or both of you constantly accuse the other one of places they feel you shouldn't be or of being with other people in a romantic way. Upon making up, the first week is spent consistently asking you questions seeing if you tell the same story.

You're both comfortable enough with the other that you're able to recognize, and calmly plan a separation period.
You're both comfortable enough with the other that you're able to recognize, and calmly plan a separation period.

What were your answers?

If your answers mostly match those of the healthy ones above, chances are that you simply have a break up to make up relationship with your partner. You both are comfortable with being together, enough that you're able to recognize, and calmly plan a separation period. You take the time apart to focus on yourself and your relationships issues from a different standpoint, instead of worrying if your partner is being untrue.

If you two or more of your answers matched those that wereunhealthy, it is safe to say that you most likely need to say goodbye for good. One or both of you do not trust the other when being separated, and it is possibly escalating to the point of knock down drag outs when one of you asks for a break. Regardless of your feelings for your partner, you need to recognize when your break up to make up relationship has become unhealthy and it is time to call it quits.

Are You In A Break Up To Make Up Relationship?

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    • profile image

      Cynthia 6 years ago

      I was in an emotional abusive relationship and have left but he will not leave me alone. He insist that if he cant have me no one else can. He says he loves me too much and cannot love anyone else so he will never set me free. Even though we are not together he watches my every move. Dont know what to do to get my freedom back.

    • Loco Life profile image

      Loco Life 6 years ago

      Thank you for the comment. I also was in a very rocky relationship, with more break ups than I cared to count...or admit. I'm recently single for the first time in nearly 10 years, with no plans of going back to that lifestyle.

      I agree with you completely that those types of relationships become draining on everyone involved. I'm glad you enjoyed the hub. Thank you again!

    • Fennelseed profile image

      Annie Fenn 6 years ago from Australia

      Oh dear I think my relationship is in the unhealthy category. Over eight rocky years there have been more break ups than I care to count. The break ups, I think regardless of whether they are healthy or not become very draining on family and friends. This is a very unique and useful hub with lots of thought provoking content - well done. I have bookmarked this to read again.

      PS: I love the contrast in the two images :)