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What to say to someone who has recently broken up after a long relationship

Updated on August 29, 2008

Breakups A friend's Response

We are assuming that a friend has actually gone through stages of grief that indicates acceptance and that this loss of love is absolutely final. The denial is gone and perhaps the reality has set in. There is grief, sure. But there is also anger, maybe at the lost relationship, seemingly irretrievable time that could have been spent finding REAL love. Or maybe the anger is really gone and a sort of resignation sets in.You may be concerned at this point, as any friend would be.

Who is in a better position to provide unconditional support and love than a good friend? If your friend is like most who have recently broken from a lover, he or she has already let the world know in no uncertain terms that's it's finally over.

This announcement lets others know the new availability status, which is a good sign that a retrurn to normality is desired. It may happen sooner than later. I'm here, I'm unattached, I'm ready for dating!

Your friend is also bombardard with free advice for every eventuality whether it ever existed in the relationship or not.; What advice to give then? Chances are your friend is not looking for advice at this stage but merely someone to lean on, to listen, and not to judge either the friend or her/his ex boyfriend or girlfriend.

There is no need to dwell on hurtful details but to listen. This is the hardest thing to do, yet is the most comforting.

The reality is that even if they never fought, enjoyed each others company, and felt comfortable together, the spark may never smolder into flame. They simply have an imperative inside that forces them apart. Who's to be faulted for that? the answer is perhaps no one but it still hurts, nevertheless.

To know that there is somone who respects your feelings enough to provide shelter in a storm may be the best offering there is. Even when asked for advise, do they really want it after the tired advise already hashed over? Just your presence may be the healing salve to sooth the pain and the knowledge that the new path does not have to be taken alone

Listeners are in short supply in the world. Those that have the quality of placing the needs of others in front of their own are rare and highly prized.The world truly is given over to advice givers, like it or not.

We all know the special person who offeres no advice but is there, through the storm, always there.

To get your own stuff out there is cathartic but not what the friend is looking for. Having supplied more information than necessary, the writer retires to another's council and continues along..

Good luck to you and your friend.


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    • profile image

      Lo 6 years ago

      my has broken up with me for no reason. He said he was talking to someone else for two weeks and it seem that he hates me. No reason

    • teeray profile image

      teeray 9 years ago from Canada

      I really like the main suggestion here - to just 'LISTEN.' This is a nice hub, solarcaptain, with well considered words. I hope many people read this hub and put your suggestions to use.

    • trish1048 profile image

      trish1048 9 years ago

      hi solarcaptain,

      You are so right. When going thru the withdrawals of a breakup, the last thing you want to hear is a diatribe about what a rat their partner was. I'm sure they get that once they find themselves alone. Some, like myself, are left wondering why?? The last relationship I was in, which covered a 4 year time span, ended with the guy leaving me. Never once did a 'red flag' show itself, we weren't fighting, arguing, none of that. He left for no apparent reason, left no note, nothing.

      It is only in retrospect that I realized there were warning signs. The only thing I don't know is what I ever did or didn't do to make him leave. Nor, will I ever find out as he has since passed on.

      Anyway, listening is a great skill, so I'm told. I'm also told I am a good listener. I don't judge and I don't interrupt my friend's dialogue, When a friend is ready to hear your advice, they will let you know. For the immediate time being, they want nothing more than a caring person to support them through their pain.

      Thanks for sharing,