- Gender and Relationships
Change and Transition
How do you view change?
Are you a person who welcomes change or do you shy away from it, prefering to stick with the tried and tested?
Are you wanting to initiate change in some aspect of your life but not sure how to go about it? Maybe you have a partner who is a stick-in-the-mud and prevents you from moving on and you are therefore stuck in a rut?
For those of you who like life to be like Groundhog Day, each and every day, then this article won't be of any help to you. This is aimed at those who really want to do something new in their life. If this sounds like you, read on.....
The first step is often the hardest when initiating change in your life. Perhaps you don't have a clear idea of what you want, you just know that things can't carry on as they have been doing.
If you're at this point, chances are you have been leading up to it for a long time. Often you may have reached so far and then reverted back to old patterns of behaviour because it was the safer option. However, we all reach a point where we say, 'enough is enough!'.
So here you are without a plan, or maybe you do know exactly what you want from life, but one thing is for certain; you cannot go back to your old ways. Once you have made your mind up to tread a new path then you must stay on it.
So dedication and commitment is your first step, the rest will follow. Once you make that pact with yourself a new life will open up to you because you have accepted things must change.
Changing your job
Many of us do some form of work or another that does not bring us personal satisfaction. This leaves us frustrated and like we are treading water in order to survive, there are often no thanks or praise for our services nor recognition for us as an individual, we are almost a statistic, a machine even, and are perhaps resenting giving so much of our time to something so unrewarding.
Jobs are hard to come by, especially in these times of recession and cut-backs and for many of us it may not be the time to be jumping ship because we could be jumping from the frying pan into the fire. For many, the decisions you make about your work have huge consequences on your family and your financial situation, personal happiness is usually last on the list of priorities.
But if your work situation is getting you down then even in these hard times you need to deal with it or it will affect your self-esteem and bring other problems into your life such as depression and arguements within the home. There are jobs out there you just need to look hard for them and only apply for those which make sense to your personal situation - don't apply for something that you haven't got the skills for, you are asking for rejection unless they offer to train you. Don't apply for jobs just because the salary appeals to you, high salaries mean lots of responsibility (unless you are a footballer...) and you may just not cut the mustard.
It's very hard to suffer rejection but if you grow a thick skin and don't let it put you off applying for the next vacancy then your determination will pay off. It's harder still and very frustrating when you go to so much trouble to apply for something and the employer hasn't got the decency to let you know whether you were successful or not. If that's the case then they don't deserve you. Try and change your mindset and keep your spirits lifted.
If you've been looking for a job for a while without success then you need to ask yourself a few questions.
1. Have you been applying for jobs where you can honestly deliver everything they require?
2. Have you been applying for things that you aren't fully qualified for?
3. Is your handwriting up to scratch?
4. What about your spelling and punctuation - this can be really offputting to a potential employer.
5. Are you being realistic, for instance applying for jobs that you can easily get to and you have experience of?
6. Are you plastered all over social network sites and being portrayed in a negative way - a big 'no,no' to potential employers and they do check...!!
7. Are you changing your job too often? This could make an employer ask why.
8. Have you been in your current job for many years? Again, you can't win because these days this is also questionable.
9. What voluntary work do you do?
10. If you are long-term unemployed, how do you use your time effectively? Sitting watching TV all day is not going to get you a job.
11. Do you attend any training courses?
12. Do you attend a job club?
Think about the above questions, they may even get you to look deeper at certain aspects of your life, maybe some things need to change before you can be successful in your job hunt. For instance, if you are actively seeking work but are unemployed it would be fantastic to have a CV that says you are currently doing voluntary work or that you attend courses to keep your skills up to date, most employers would be impressed by that, it shows you aren't bone idle.
If all else fails, dig deeper and discover your talents. Is there any way a hobby, interest or skill could be turned into a profession? Could you be self-employed? Are you a person who doesn't like being told what to do? If so, eventually you will realise that self-employment is your only option, either that or drift from job to job until you become totally unemployable!
There is lots of help out there for job seekers and for those who are considering self-employment. Your first step is to get the help, don't struggle by yourself. Seeking help could boost your self-esteem because then you won't feel like you are struggling alone and the other person will help to keep you motivated.
Only you can do it. It's your life, now chase your dreams....
If you want to change then obviously there is something about yourself that you aren't happy with. What is it? Is it your weight? Your hair? Have you got a medical concern that you've been brushing under the carpet? Or maybe it's your personality and you've been making other people miserable?
With any form of change the first thing we need to address is our attitude to the situation. We need to begin to look at things in a new light; a positive light. Our attitudes shape our lives, our beliefs are individual to how we perceive a situation - two people in the same circumstances won't always see things the same way because of their differing personalities.
Real change has to come from within. It's amazing how many people go on a diet or change their haistyle and they look and feel fantastic. But it is usually short-lived. Once the novelty has worn off and you fade into the background just like you thought you did when you were over-weight or had a rubbish hairstyle, you will believe you are not a worthy person and will always be that way.
Change has to be a lifestyle decision and you have to work at it all the time with total dedication. Don't take your eye off the ball just because you see results - you have to maintain this standard if you always want to feel that good. If you are having difficulty making a commitment to something then perhaps you simply aren't ready? Maybe you've not hit rock-bottom enough to really want that change, being at rock-bottom can be life-transforming. Being in limbo or in a fairly comfortable state will produce poor results, you need some fire in your belly!
So go about changing your outlook and focus more on the positives. Really research your personality to discover if you are as positive as you thought you were. Maybe you do more negative talk than you realise whether it's about yourself or other people/situations. The more you learn to eradicate this type of behaviour, the better you will feel in yourself. It's like becoming untouchable and the slightest hint of negativity can not penetrate through you because you learn to rise above it.
Diets, hairstyles, whatever will only bring you happiness if they are backed up with your own dedication to maintain this new lifestyle and the fact you have the positive personality to go with it. Positivity needs to be practised, you need to be conscious of your thoughts and actions because if you do things half-heartedly the results will show in whatever it is you are trying to achieve, you will have a half-hearted response.
If you're going to change an aspect of yourself do it truthfully. Don't be false because otherwise you might as well be wearing a mask to the world, the 'you' you project will not be the real you inside and the cracks will show eventually. If you can't be true to yourself, how do you expect others to like you? Most people can spot falseness a mile off.
Change from within and the rest will follow, then stay that way.
You Can't Change Others
We are individuals and it is our right to be ourselves. Therefore you cannot enter into a relationship with the notion of changing the other person.
People have to want to change and if they don't then perhaps you ought to instigate a change if you really believe it is in their best interest. For instance the person may have a medical condition such as anorexia in which case they are not in their right mind and may well need some intervention. Alternatively the only way change is going to happen to someone who is in denial of themselves or is ignorant to the needs of those around them is if you leave.
Some people never learn and will always be a particular way, even if it means upsetting others. Some however do change, but only when they are ready. If you are forcing someone to change by way of some ultimation then it will only back-fire because they will resent you for it, unless in the case of something like anorexia where hopefully one day that person will thank you for helping them through their illness.
I've heard the saying 'leopards don't change their spots' and I don't totally agree with it. I have known people to change, to reform but many people remain stuck in their old ways and don't mind who they upset.
If you are with someone who is making you unhappy by refusing to change then don't you deserve better? Why stick with someone who will continually make you feel worthless? Maybe on a subconscious level you actually like feeling this way? I can hear you now shouting at me, but some people remain victims of circumstance because they relish being in doom and gloom, the 'oh poor me' scenario feeds their need to feel bad about themselves.
If I'm really making you shout now it's probably because I'm right. Some people like wallowing in their own self-pity. Have you any idea how off-putting it is to others? Stop playing the victim and focus on improving your life rather than finding the next excuse to feel miserable!
So if the person you are with won't change, then you must change and if you cannot then you must accept your current situation until you're in a better position or have the means to initiate something. Most of all don't moan to others, it is a negative thing to do and just brings more negativity into your life. Once you accept something you change your mindset to a positive one and it will help you focus on all the good things that will come your way.
Change really is just a mindset and once you change your mind, you change your life!
My other lenses on relative subjects - For further advice, insight and information
- Dealing with adversity
How to cope with adverse situations
- Having a Mid-life Crisis?
An account of my own personal breakdown and how I turned life around.
- Energies and Vibrations
Have you ever considered that the people, places and possessions you are associated with may have a lot to do with how you feel?