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Child Support A Necessary Evil

Updated on August 30, 2016
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No, it is not enough that single mothers most wear many hats with very little emotional support, they also most struggle financially as well. They might have some relief via state and federal funding, but today raising a child cost over $100,000 through a conservation life style, and government assist is just not enough to elevate the financial strain. Child support for single mothers is a way of justice. Often, after conception and birth men find it convenient to walk away from their responsibility. But the states work closely with mothers to stop this irresponsible action by forcing men to taking monetary responsibility. This is often not easy because men feel financial accountability is evil and will at times do almost anything to avoid it. Others gladly take responsibility but find themselves abused by the system and the mother of their child. Below are three stories of the struggle of financial independence or dependence and a synopsis of the state’s role. To protect individual privacy no names are used.

This mother decided not to place the father of her child on child support. She felt the battle of forcing a man to take financial responsibility was too negative and negates the principles of fatherhood. She declared, if he, the biological father, did not have the integrity of taking full responsibility for his flesh and blood, what impact can he make on the child. The role of a fathers is depositor of self-worth, character and destiny in a child, how can this positive development take hold when the father operates under resentment and anger when forced to support a child. Hence, she walked away from him totally and raised her child without financial support. Initially she took state assistant but once her child outgrew the WIC program, she never sort government assistance. Frugal in every aspect of her life and her child’s she creatively found ways to have a quality of life above the standards of a single mother who never received child support. There were many struggles, but hard work and sharp career maneuvers elevated many trying times. When asked if she would have changed her decision of forcing the hand of the biological father she replied, “I have no regrets. That man was not someone I wanted in my child’s life. He lacked integrity, and character needed to raise a happy healthy child. To have him in her life would consist of too many negative interaction and it just was not worth it.”

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This mother was determined that “he would pay”. She hired a lawyer and used a majority of her financial resources to track the baby’s father down to get him to support her financially. There were constant contacts with the lawyer and investigator as they follow the trail of the biological dad, who was manipulating his life style to avoid paying child support. He, the biological father was finally made to financial support his child. When asked why go to such length for support her replied was, “ I am not taking care of this child by myself one way or another he has to pay. I just cannot do this on my own.” Before placing the dad on child support, to avoid the state the father would work “off the books” or work on temporary or short term jobs just to avoid leaving any financial trail.

One dad said he sort to be placed on child support and recommend that all men do the same. He asserts that men should take care of their own. They should not wait on the state or federal aid to care for their children. He feels that children need their dads and adds that he wished his dad was in his young life. So many mistakes can be avoided when parents work together in the “rearing of a child”. Determined not to be an absentee father, he partnered with his ex-wife to help support his children. At one point, he “had” the children because for whatever reason the children’s mother could not care for them. He took them into his home supported them and continued to “pay their mother child support”. The system is unfair to fathers he said often they are demonized but, he was committed to his children and cared for them at any and all levels they needed at the time. He said, “I decided not to be a weekend dad, and dropped and picked my children up from school. I attended as many school events as possible. We had summer times and seasonal vacations together”. These are my kids he declared and who can raise them better than I.

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Today, if any child is on Medicaid or long term state assistance the father on the birth certificate is automatically placed on child support. Both parents receive state court documents of an appearance date. When they appear before the judge, they are informed as to the notification of the proceedings. There is no avoiding the state’s action for financial accountability, not with their unlimited resources. It is better to appear before the court to have some control on the outcome of the proceedings. Back child support is the option of mothers and can be avoided when fathers show proof that bank deposits were made. It matters not how many purchasing receipts a father brings to court. The only substance of financial support are bank deposits and or pre-paid credit card deposits. Of course, both parents can agree that back child support is not necessary because dad was caring for the child. A mother can then opt out of back child support.

If you which to get child support call your state’s information phone number, which is usually 311. Or, call Child Protective Services in your state and they will direct you to the appropriate department. Child support can mean so much to a single mother and her child, it is a shame that some fathers do not understand or care enough about their full impact on the quality of their child’s life. Whether this concept is acknowledged or not, the success or failure of a child is directly related to a father taking financial responsibility.

Do you or have you ever received child support?

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    • Flipsgeraldine profile image
      Author

      Yvette Marshall 3 years ago from Houston, Texas

      MsDora initially I did not want to write on this topic because it is such a hot button, but your comment made it all OK. Thanks.

    • Flipsgeraldine profile image
      Author

      Yvette Marshall 3 years ago from Houston, Texas

      dashingscorpio thank you for your comment it adds to the substance of what was written.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Thanks for dealing with this very important topic, and sharing some helpful suggestions. So many mothers need help with this, and they should do whatever it takes for their children to have what is theirs by right.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 years ago

      Child support is necessary and no state wants to drain it's resources and therefore many of them are determined to track down fathers.

      The examples you used in this hub were very interesting.

      1. “That man was not someone I wanted in my child’s life. He lacked the basis integrity, and character needed to raise a happy healthy child”

      Clearly this woman was not thinking about this when she elected to go full term with the pregnancy. She also does not appear to have been too selective regarding who she chose to have sex with.

      This in no way excuses a man from his obligations. However if you're dating a low life who "lacks integrity" it should be no surprise that he would not be a stand up guy when it came to helping raise a child.

      It is however easier for the state to track down fathers who were married to the mother as the odds increased that they collected information from him for the marriage license.

      One of the problems is the mindset of many men. If they have fallen out with the woman they want nothing to do with "her children" either. That's not the right way to view fatherhood. And yet many men do just that. If the baby momma still has sex with them or whatever they'll chip in for the child "from time to time" but if there's nothing between them they ignore her and the children.

      2. “I am not taking care of this child by myself one way or another he has to pay. I just cannot do this on my own.” Before placing the dad on child support.

      Once again it sounds like another case of a woman deciding to have a child the man did not want. In the U.S. only a woman has the right to make a man father. Some men want children and women choose to have abortions and other men don't want them and women choose to have them. Either way once the seed is planted a man has no vote.

      I personally can identify however with the situation of the ex-wife whose ex husband chose to work under the table to avoid paying child support. My mother had garnished my father's paycheck and he quit his job.

      I once heard them arguing over lack of child support payments and he said to her; "I don't care whether I see you or the kids again."

      Several years later as an adult he reached out to me multiple times to establish a relationship. After I turned 50 I decided to let it go. He attended my second wedding and my wife & I visiting him in the nursing home several times. He died just 3 years after we reconnected.

      Ironically when we picked up his belongings every nurse knew who I was because he shown them my wedding pictures, photos of me and my wife in Cancun, on cruise ships, and in Paris. He bragged about his son.

      It's too bad he allow his dislike of my mother ruin a father/son relationship and it was too bad that I held it against him for 40+ years.

      Fathers need to support their children whether they wanted to have them or not and even if they hate the mother.

      It's unfortunate that children don't get to choose their own parents!

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